Growth Online > Knowledge Base > Personal/Spiritual Growth > Negative Expressions Negative Expressions (of the Individual)   Introduction to Page General Observations Specific Negative Expressions: Wanting Attitudes Disturbed Emotions Selfishness Stinginess, Miserliness Ego Anger, Irritation, Arguing Fear, Worry, Anxiety, Doubt, Insecurity Habits, Fixidity, Rigidity Closed Mindedness Reluctance Overeagerness, Impatience, Expectation Desire Possessiveness, Attachment Being Critical, Judgmental On Being Criticized, Offended Lack of Self-Esteem Jealousy Depression Confusion Skepticism, Cynicism, Lack of Faith Meddlesomeness, Imposition of View Lack of Energy, Fatigue, Non-Well-Being, Illness, Ill-Health Ignorance, Error, Falsehood, Evil Superstition Mistaken Assumptions in Life Psychological Weakness Naiveté, Innocence Negative Atmosphere, Social Context Meanness, Cruelty Distain for Benefactor Anachronisms (& Other Negatives of Society) Other: (Dishonesty, Irresponsibility, Corruption, Ambition, etc.) Also See: Physical Illness Overcoming our Limitations in Life (other page) Perceptions of Failure & Success; Good & Bad; Positive & Negative Miscellaneous     INTRODUCTION TO PAGE (top)   [There are so many ways we express our negativity in life. Below are our original thoughts on several dozen of the main ways. Perhaps you can identify several that you have a propensity towards. If you then make an effort to them, life will instantly respond with sudden good fortune.]   GENERAL OBSERVATIONS (top)     General Thoughts on Our Negative Expressions in Life   The Negativity in Our Essential Nature -What is our essential nature? We are divided beings who need to find their wholeness. And we need to discover the methods that will enable us move us toward that wholeness. -Why is our nature divided? All sentient beings are born of the division and duality of creation. The Absolute, the Omnipresent Reality, in order to extend its Spiritual essence and delight into ultimate quantities and diversities of forms, enabled a universe of divided forms and beings. In order to extend spirit and delight, the Absolute, i.e. God manifested a universe of forms into which that spirit and delight could flow in ever new and dynamic ways. In order to create the greatest quantity and variety of these forms, they were created flawed and incomplete. How does our divided nature express practically in our being? We need to overcome that which is divided and dual in our own nature. We need to overcome our limiting habits, attitudes, opinions, judgments, behaviors, and false actions. We need to overcome our physical, vital, and mental deficiencies, including our dead habits, our fixidity, our unchanging nature in the physical; our blind passions, desires, negative emotions, ego and separateness in the vital/emotional center; and our vast ignorance, our partial understandings, limited perceptions, and false observations and conclusions of the mind. Overcoming Our Negativities to Make Rapid Progress and Attract Sudden Good Fortune -Out of creation comes divided ignorant forms. Man shares that propensity of matter. It has led to all of his wanting psychological conditions. There are a number that stand out. Each can be overcome when one perceives the problem, and then makes the concerted effort to change it. -As man evolves in consciousness, his negative propensities are overcome. -Each individual has his unique set of wanting qualities. If he overcomes several of them, he evolves rapidly in life. -Life progresses through the conflict and dualities of Nature. It is with the contradiction of the realities of life and the wanting qualities we embody. Through difficulty we slowly overcome several wanting qualities. If we do it consciously we can make rapid progress in no time, and life will constantly be bringing us good fortune.   Achieving by Raising Our Strength Overcoming Our Negative Qualities It is commonly said we do not know our weakness. That is a great truth. I have been insisting that we do not know our strength. Should a man know his strength and be willing to build on it, we see he rises like a meteor. Now greater heights call him. It is then one needs to know the other side of his character. A man who develops his strength rises to the maximum his own circumstances permit. When he looks at his weaknesses and removes them, the present circumstances change and new favourable circumstances arise. The second half, to remove one’s weakness, is harder but more rewarding, especially as it sets no limits. It actually removes ALL limits or barriers to one’s growth. One suggestion to mitigate its bitterness is to observe someone close to us - a brother, a friend, a partner - as we know him inside out. Also, he is one whose defects we are acutely aware of. Once we know it in all the details, we can safely assume that ALL those traits are in us. A spiritual rule says the outer fully reflects the inner. Those who are with us are with us because they have exactly the same qualities that we do. If your partner is one who has a mannerism, and you are sure you have no such mannerism at all, please scratch the surface and you will find that mannerism would have become a mental habit that inhibits your larger mental potentials. I these ways an individual's rise has no limits. Knowing yourself is Self-awareness in individual life. Should you try to raise this awareness to realisation, you will be at the top of your society. (MSS, extracted and reorganized) Man's Self-Deception Has Negative Consequences; It is Not Star-Crossed Man successfully deceives others. He is a cheat. People are cautious about him. What about one who deceives his own self? People believe him and at times of crisis, his true colours come out. Actions, especially the results of action are the touchstone. He who deceives himself destroys himself fully. Sitting for long hours at the reading table or the writing desk does not mean he is reading or working. If a student is under the illusion of consummate self-deception that he is sincerely reading by sitting at his desk for long hours, the exams and his scores will reveal the truth. At these moments such people say, “I am star-crossed.” He is NOT star-crossed. He is not responsible even to himself. This is a pitiable case. There are others in an office who are universally known to be polite, diligent, dutiful, and hard working. They have a finer discrimination. They know their own interest different from the duty to the office. (MSS) When Capable Men Fail & How to Overcome -When capable men fail in life, it is due to neglect or dissipation. -Capable men in life or business choosing a negative alternative meet with failure. -How can a capable man fail in life? If he is negligent or indulges in self-destructive ways, he alone can help himself by turning over a new leaf. (MSS, extracted)   Change the Corresponding Inner Negative to Instantly Change the Outer to the Positive Life on the outside is a reflection of our inner condition. A negative circumstance on the outside can be reversed by discovering the corresponding wanting element within. As soon as we change it, life responds instantaneously, bringing us good fortune.   Negative Characteristics at Various Planes of Our Being Our negative characteristics show up from physical to vital to mental planes. E.g. at physical plane we can be unhealthy, stubborn, and unwilling to change. At the vital level we can be jealous, angry, fearful, lust-filled, etc. At the mental level we can be confused, uneducated, and misinformed.   Examples of Negative Attitudes, Habits, Beliefs An individual - ·         is unwilling to take up a work offered to him ·         is unwilling to take up exercise for her health when she needs to do so ·         is careless about being on time ·         has a negative attitude about his work ·         has negative feelings to a type of person ·         feels that others don't like ·         is pig-headed in his opinions ·         always tends to blame others, doesn't take responsibility ·         is uncaring of their oppressive or bullying ways towards others ·         doesn't follow through on what he promises ·         is not organized enough to keep his word and intent ·         is insensitive to the forcefulness of her words ·         doesn't like her boss ·         doesn't take responsibility for his children ·         harbors a long term hatred ·         is careless with money ·         is unconscious of the harm he has created for others ·         is careless with the objects he borrows ·         is unwilling to take up the good advice others offer him ·         is untruthful and deceitful ·         is callous of the difficulty he creates for others ·         is just spoiling to ruin the work for the team ·         is rebellious and does not like to work with others ·         is unwilling to make the necessary effort ·         is unwilling to consider opposing points of views, new ideas ·         is unwilling to do a work in a new way Any attempt to overcome these, rectify them will attract rapid abundant positive response from life. Man's Self-Deception Has Negative Consequences; It is Not Star-Crossed Man successfully deceives others. He is a cheat. People are cautious about him. What about one who deceives his own self? People believe him and at times of crisis, his true colours come out. Actions, especially the results of action are the touchstone. He who deceives himself destroys himself fully. Sitting for long hours at the reading table or the writing desk does not mean he is reading or working. If a student is under the illusion of consummate self-deception that he is sincerely reading by sitting at his desk for long hours, the exams and his scores will reveal the truth. At these moments such people say, “I am star-crossed.” He is NOT star-crossed. He is not responsible even to himself. This is a pitiable case. There are others in an office who are universally known to be polite, diligent, dutiful, and hard working. They have a finer discrimination. They know their own interest different from the duty to the office. (MSS) Achieving by Raising Our Strength Overcoming Our Negative Qualities It is commonly said we do not know our weakness. That is a great truth. I have been insisting that we do not know our strength. Should a man know his strength and be willing to build on it, we see he rises like a meteor. Now greater heights call him. It is then one needs to know the other side of his character. A man who develops his strength rises to the maximum his own circumstances permit. When he looks at his weaknesses and removes them, the present circumstances change and new favourable circumstances arise. The second half, to remove one’s weakness, is harder but more rewarding, especially as it sets no limits. It actually removes ALL limits or barriers to one’s growth. One suggestion to mitigate its bitterness is to observe someone close to us - a brother, a friend, a partner - as we know him inside out. Also, he is one whose defects we are acutely aware of. Once we know it in all the details, we can safely assume that ALL those traits are in us. A spiritual rule says the outer fully reflects the inner. Those who are with us are with us because they have exactly the same qualities that we do. If your partner is one who has a mannerism, and you are sure you have no such mannerism at all, please scratch the surface and you will find that mannerism would have become a mental habit that inhibits your larger mental potentials. I these ways an individual's rise has no limits. Knowing yourself is Self-awareness in individual life. Should you try to raise this awareness to realisation, you will be at the top of your society. (MSS, extracted and reorganized) One Small Perversity Overcome by Great Men One who is given to such reading cannot miss this element - the element of conscious endeavour to detach oneself from a small perverse joy - in the lives of great men.   Great men are great by birth. The greatness in them is born when the choice is there to deny the impulse of perversity which is hostility to the Divine. (MSS) Proud of Our Shortcomings "No," he said proudly, "I never did have much use for these computers." In a thousand different ways we smugly proclaim our ignorance; proud of our shortcoming. And so we stay where we are, in our comfort zone, indulging in our taste of Ignorance. Thoughts on Negative Expressions that Block Achievement in Life Thoughts on the Ways We Overcome Our Limitations in Life   Negative Life Response   Negative Life Response All positive and negative qualities within us return to us. It is the law of karma. It can do so instantaneously, which is negative life response. Thoughts on Negative Life Response -Every negative that happens around you is a reflection of a negative inner or outer behavior. It is a negative life response. -Negative physical, vital, or mental energies move out into the field of life and align with corresponding negative conditions. It appears to us as a negative life response, i.e. sudden ill fortune. -Since the outer  is a reflection of the inner, a negative result outside ourselves is always reflective of some corresponding condition within us. -The inner reflects the outer because the inner and outer than One. They are not two separate entities. Thus when we shift the inner to the negative, the outer responds similarly. The Potential Positive Power of Negative Life Response Life responds positively and negatively; i.e. with good or bad fortune, reflecting your inner condition at the time. It is the phenomenon of "life response" in action, which is predicated on the principle that the outer is a reflection of the inner. When a negative circumstance comes your way, it can be tied to one or several wanting qualities on your part -- perhaps a wanting habit, a negative attitude, a wrong-headed belief, a wrong decision or action, or any of these in combination. One man had his car towed and perceived a plethora of wrong attitudes that attracted this negative circumstance from life. It indeed consisted of a combination of the previously alluded to factors. The key of course is to avoid such attitudes in the past which will prevent life responding negatively. It will also be an opportunity to come to grips with limitations in your nature; i.e. it is an opportunity to grow as a person. In that sense every negative that comes to us is a positive in disguise. Negative Life Response in Pride and Prejudice Mrs. Bennet’s meddling in trying to win over Bingley for Jane backfires. (As we shall see later on, Bingley will leave with Darcy for London, nearly breaking Jane’s heart. This is a negative response to Mrs. Bennet’s meddling.) (negative life response to Mrs. Bennet.) Jane tells Eliza that Bingley disbelieves Wickham’s account of Darcy; as does Jane’s sister. Still Eliza cannot fully believe those so close to Darcy; i.e she distrusts them because they are prejudiced for him. This causes Eliza at the party to become very confused and distraught. Her mood turns decidedly negative. Suddenly around her everything responds to the negative state. Her mother talks very loudly and vulgarly, embarrassing her again, Mary’s piano playing and singing become a source of shame, and Lydia accelerates her wild nature and carrying on. (Negative life response for Eliza.) At the dance Mrs. Bennet speaks out of the fact that her daughter Eliza will surely marry Collins, a verbal boast that proves completely false. (This is a negative life response to her boasting (i.e. loud speech; as well as forceful speech in the light of uncertainty, which is weakness.) Lady Catherine meets with Eliza and orders her to stop any sort of marriage plans with Darcy. The opposite takes place, which is a negative response to her negative motives. (This in turn creates a positive response from Darcy’s perspective, who later learns of that meeting between LC and Lizzy. The fact that Lizzy refuses to say to LC that she wouldn’t marry him, encourages him to see Lizzy again, which ends in success as he and Lizzy agree to marry. (Negative life response for Lady Catherine. Meddlesomeness) Also Eliza's strength enables the outcome (i.e. her marriage to Darcy) to be an eventual positive life response from her side. Negative Action Returns An eldest son who deserted his dependent family thus and retired as a high official discovered that his son after graduation refused to take a job and could not be married till he was 50. The father had consciously deserted his desperate family. His son gleefully enjoyed life, spent his father’s money and chased women. (MSS) SPECIFIC NEGATIVE EXPRESSIONS (top) Wanting Attitudes (top) Attitudes is Problem The main problem is in our wanting attitudes. 90% of our difficulties are rooted there.   On Attitudes in Life Perhaps our greatest stumbling blocks are in our attitudes. In our attitudes lies our greatest barrier to success in life. We can trace our positive and negative attitudes towards others, towards, things, towards ourselves, and towards life. Each person can make the effort to overcome their own predominant negative attitudes. This will lead to becoming a better person, and enable greater accomplishment and joy in life. When a person changes a negative attitude, often we witness an instantaneous positive response from life.   Negative Life Response If you think of someone or some group in a negative manner (i.e. with negative feeling), you will almost be sure to have a negative life response somewhere thereafter to this expression. In that sense we can trace all negative responses in life that befall us back to such negative feelings, actions, etc.   Untitled Expressing a negative thought, such as a mischievous, unpalatable idea to others, will attract negative life response to the perpetrator a short time thereafter. Small Attitude Cancels Great Opportunity Many can recall such instances where a small attitude cancelled a great opportunity. (MSS) On Attitudes Take but three of your negative attitudes and turn them around. That's all you have to do. Your life will change forever. Everything else can be irrelevant.   The hard part is not shedding one's negative attitudes, but discovering what they are in the first place. Levels of Overcoming Negativity Toward Others There are three points to overcoming negativity towards another, such as bad will, anger, jealousy, disdain, etc. First, refrain from verbally expressing it (that's at the physical plane). Second control your emotions about it (that's at the vital/emotional plane). Third, empty your thoughts of it (that's at the mental plane). Start with the physical plane aspect of the negativity, and move your way up to the vital/emotional plane next, and then lastly the mental plane. Total transformation of the negativity occurs when you are able to turn the conflict into a positive at all three planes. If you do that you can yourself become a transformed person. We can have bad will towards another in three ways that correspond to our three essential levels of our being -- at the physical, the vital/emotional, and the mental. When we have build will for another at the physical level it seems to express in our very nature, in the very fibers of our bodies, almost as if it were natural and second nature. One needs to only look at the present conflict in the Middle East to see the intense, visceral hostility that is there in their physical consciousness of its leaders. It expresses in their actions and deeds. It is as if one were born feeling that way, and expresses in their very movements, actions, and deeds. No thought or emotion needs to invoke it. If you have such a bad will toward another it must absolutely stop now and forever. Nothing is more important in your life; there is no greater barrier to accomplishment, success, and happiness in life. At the next level up, the emotional/vital level, is where most people experience and express their bad will toward others. At that level we have a sensation, an emotion, a passion of bad will towards another. How many of us have not related to another in such a way? A woman feels a continuous distain or emotional conflict with her boss or coworker. A man is miffed by something a friend has said holds onto this irritation for a long time, and feels it welling up in him from time to time. Another individual holds a 30 year grudge against a relative. This visceral ill-will can be held deep in the emotions, and expresses more or less intensely in one's feelings. If one has such ill-will in the emotions, one must shed it as soon as possible. Also, if you sincerely make the psychological effort to shed such feelings, life will suddenly respond positively in kind. Opportunities and good fortune will appear from out of nowhere; and from the most unlikely sources! For example, the woman who had hard feelings towards her boss was somewhat shocked when her boss suddenly started acting sweetly and kindly, which was not in his normal nature, after she had give up all her bad will towards him. Finally, there are those who have shed negative emotional feelings, yet still feel a vestige of bad will in their thoughts. It just kind of pops into the mind from time to time. If it does, one simply needs to catch it and stop it in its tracks. This is the easiest to control, but still needs to be shed. Method to Overcome Negative Thoughts and Feelings We can try a little experiment. Simply observe all negative thoughts and feelings in a one hour period of time. Write them down. Try it again, and see if they repeat. Also, see if you can tie it to a negative or limiting part of your being; such as false knowledge, limited judgments, bad attitudes, harmful desires, stupid impulses, foolish actions, and limited beliefs, sentiments, or personal values. What an exercise that would be!   Quality Not Liked in Another If there is a quality you don't like in another, detach yourself from your irritation and bother. If you examine yourself, you will be able to identify a parallel or mirror-image of the perceived negative quality in yourself. (This phenomenon is often seen in the relationship between parents and children.) Minimally make the feeling toward the other person positive. Maximally understand the corresponding or mirror image attribute in your own nature, and them make an effort to change it for the better. Feeling Superior to Another If you look down upon a person because you are endowed with one superior quality, know you do not have several skills the other person has. A good example of this scenario is described in Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice. Ill-Will in Pride and Prejudice Negative Attributes Of Kin, Ourselves Many of the attributes we dislike in our children we have in ourselves. Many of the attributes we don't life in our parents, we have in ourselves. Sometimes the attributes not liked manifest in different ways in ourselves, in our children, in our parents. They have the same root, however, just manifesting either the same or somewhat differently. Getting at the Root of Anger Anger is hard to catch, but if you can, correlate the object of your anger to something nagging at you within that has nothing directly to do with the object of anger. Change that, rather than continue your anger outward in any way. Actually, the first rule of anger is to never have it, and if you do, stop it immediately; and thereafter check within yourself to see what is really bothering you, and make an effort to change that limiting or negative quality or aspect or capacity within yourself. This is the way to peace; for the individual or the nation.   Untitled "True courage belongs to the person who voluntarily gives up his fondness for having enemies. An unawakened man clings desperately to his enemies, for without them he would feel empty, unimportant. He fears the loss of the agitation supplied by enemies, for he is deceived into thinking that agitation is an exciting way of life. Can we give up one enemy today, whether a person or stubborn machine or cloudy day? We can do that much in order to express the courage for conquest." (The Daily Guru) Outgrowing Group Negativity When friends and associates gather and mock those who are weak, infirm, or vulnerable, it is an indicator of their own common insensibility. It is part of why Nature has brought them together; to outgrow it.   Small Men's Small Attitudes Small men enjoy being small. Their minds travel in small attitudes. The range is not only comfortable but gives pride of possession. When they occupy power they exercise it with a vengeance. (MSS)   Change an Opinion Change one opinion of yours, a miserable life becomes a happy life. (MSS)   Disturbed Emotions (top) Disturbed Emotions Attracts Negative Life Response In Pride and Prejudice Caroline’s comments about E’s looks and about Wickham come as a disturbance to his and her (Eliza’s ) emotions. She is a girl worth 20,000 pounds and has that weight on her side, which makes her remarks hit hard. Their disturbed emotions are followed the next day by an elopement with a man connected with Darcy. Disturbed emotions attracts negative (LIFE RESPONSE). That elopement is indicated the day before by Caroline’s provocation. And a few days earlier when Elizabeth visited Pemberley, she told her aunt that they might be deceived about Wickham, from Mrs. Reynold’s talk.  Disturbed emotions attracts negative life response. Selfishness (top) Oblivious Selfishness Human selfishness has no bounds. It is there in every one of us constantly expressing in subtle and not so subtle ways. It is something we are consistently oblivious to, and yet other are constantly experience its sharp or blunt effect. Index of Selfishness If MAN is totally ignorant of anything, it is that he is selfish. There is an index for being extremely selfish. That person will ceaselessly complain about every other person that they are selfish. (MSS) Oblivious Selfishness If MAN is totally ignorant of anything, it is that he is selfish. Men are selfish and mean, says Sri Aurobindo. The only thing we can do about it is to cure it in ourselves. There is an index for being extremely selfish. That person will ceaselessly complain about every other person that they are selfish. There are affectionate families that are utterly selfless. In such families men and woman never mention what they own, or how useful they are to others. Property, jewels, money, things will be used by anyone without reference to the individual rights. Occasionally an utterly selfish person will be born there. He will spread his empire without anyone standing in his way. Shamelessly he will expect everyone to serve his own purpose. His expectation will be abundantly fulfilled. Selfishness is dynamic, and can reach proportions of the infinite. A time will come when such men accuse all the others of selfishness. It happens when he has crossed his limits at all points of functioning. Selfish members of a selfless family will rule the roost, as no one in the family will bring themselves to speak about it. His friends will constantly caution him and warn him of its consequences, of its unfairness, of the injustice. His one reply will be that he is serving the family to his utmost capacity. No amount of explanation will make him see the truth, as he is vital and the arguments are mental. His one grievance will be that no one around him knows his own needs and no one is selfless enough to meet them. What is blatant to every other person will not be seen by him. He will be oblivious of it. There are persons who are not selfish; nor does anyone else perceive them to be selfish. They are unselfish and in some areas they are self-giving. Suppose such a person begins to examine himself from the point of view of selfishness, he can find several areas where he is fully selfish and many other acts where he can legitimately be accused of being selfish. It is so because selfishness is all-pervasive. The very human being is created around a self, an ego. The Rishi who takes to tapas moves from his human self to the divine Self within him. Modern life in the urban areas frowns upon the ego-trips of individuals. It is a great, good sign. Active psychological Self-giving practised as an article of faith brings one’s Spirit to the surface of his life. (MSS) On Selfishness Selfishness is to put oneself at the centre of the universe and to want everything to exist for one's own satisfaction. (The Mother) Ego and Selfishness The ultimate weapons of ego are selfishness, desire and pride.  (MSS) The Selfish Man The selfish man cannot respond with any interest to a work whose results can also benefit in the least measure another. (MSS) The Selfish Man The selfish man cannot bring himself to give. (MSS) Man's Selfishness Man has the genius to shut himself into his shell of selfishness and feel cosy as long as his wants, rather his desires are fulfilled. (MSS) On Selfishness -Selfishness is not appreciated even by a selfish man. -Prayers will be answered according to our level of selfishness. (MSS) Untitled Our physical consciousness is completely selfish; our vital consciousness is intermittently the same; and our mental consciousness is better, and yet it is constantly aware of the plethora of deficiencies of the other planes.   Man’s Selfishness Man’s selfishness finds its marked expression in his wanting the whole world to give him what he is not willing or capable of giving to the world. (MSS)   Expressions of Selfishness Selfishness can be cultured or rudely boorish. In either case, its one demand of anyone is: give up what you have and leave me to myself. (MSS)   Man's Pains and Selfish Longing -All the pains man suffers from now are generated by the intensity of his selfish longing. -Man's pains will go when he wants to give not expecting any result, not even recognition. (MSS)   Destruction of Selfishness To serve selfishness is a weakness and a sin. It can also help you to destroy your selfishness at a later stage, while in the final stage the same act while fully wiping you out, will help destroy universal selfishness. All these are valid only when the ego is still in existence. After the extinction of ego, selfishness for you is like any other trait including selflessness. (MSS)   Serving Selfishness To serve selfishness is worse than being selfish because this service issues out of the servility of a selfish person. (To be selfish is to have it as a primary urge. To serve another’s selfishness is to have it as an undeveloped tendency. For such a tendency to be shed, one needs to first raise it to being the primary urge. For this reason, it is less permissible.) (MSS)   Selfishness of the Intelligent Animal It is the selfishness of the intelligent animal which denies the right to the other person. It denies him even the right of doing what he himself does. (MSS)   The Selfish Man The selfish man evaluating others as selfish is worse than his own selfishness. (MSS) Thoughts on Selfishness The most organised form of selfishness is that which refuses a big boon because it includes a small bit to another too. The selfish man evaluating others as selfish is worse than his own selfishness. Selfishness is incapable of conceiving of selflessness even in others. The selfish man trying to give up selfishness is like man trying to forget hunger. The thoroughness with which SELFISHNESS reaches the potentials and distant possibilities is always devoid of any sense of shame. Shamelessness is endowed with thoroughness. Shamelessness is incapable of self-restraint. Selfishness necessarily goes with shamelessness. Man who learns only when his own interests are adversely affected, is a vitally selfish person. It is foolish to reason with him. The ONE thing man likes best is to have everyone’s resources at his own disposal and himself enjoying unfettered freedom in its totality. Man’s dedicated selfless works are only selfish. Selfishness is the source of all ill-wills. It is incapable of true good will. A selfish man cannot stomach the idea that another will receive a benefit, however small, by his own exertion, though that other person has conferred all his wealth on him. A selfish man cannot stomach the idea that another will receive a benefit, however small, by his own exertion, though that other person has conferred all his wealth on him. The greatest dynamism of selfishness is seen in its resourceful organisation to crush anything ideal, to tyrannise idealistic romance.   Selfishness can be loyal, affectionate, espouse any ideal and still remain selfish.   Selfishness can be loyal, affectionate, espouse any ideal and still remain selfish.   Selfish people attaining a position tend to eliminate all others from there. It never occurs to selfishness to reply a letter. Selfishness and Sincerity do not go together. Selfishness finds Good a weakness. (MSS) Untitled Selfishness is incapable of conceiving of selflessness even in others. (MSS)   Human Giving Human giving [as opposed to self-givingness] is as much for self-aggrandisement as the receiver’s greed. (MSS) Vanity-based Gift A gift made through vanity is profitable neither to the giver nor to the receiver. (The Mother)   The Part and the Whole as in Selfishness vs. Self-Givingness The part and the whole have their own attitudes. The attitude appropriate to the whole is Selflessness. It can mature into self-giving. The part’s attitude is selfish. Selfishness can hurt others or all. Selflessness in one can hurt no one. The selflessness of the part cannot hurt others or the whole. (MSS)   Overcoming Selfishness There are many occasions in the course of our days where we express our selfishness. It is often marked by irritation, obliviousness, and pure ego. This being the case, why not take the time to document all of them, being scrupulously honest and sincere in that effort. Then develop a plan to avoid as many occurrences as possible, and then act on it with fierce determination. If we also offer that persevering effort to the spiritual Force, we will not only create better relations with others, and elevate our consciousness, but we will attract powerful positive response from the world around us. See Thoughts on Self-Givingness and Selflessness MSS Thoughts on Self-Givingness, Selflessness, Selfishness, Etc. Stinginess, Miserliness (top)   Stinginess's Detriment to Truth Stinginess is a perfect vehicle to preserve ways of life that are directly detrimental to TRUTH. Such people always swear by Truth. At crucial times, they have an urge to do the very opposite. (MSS)   Definition (of the Opposites) of Generosity & Meanness Meanness is an attitude of asking another to do what we cannot. We can construct a definition of generosity based on it. To give another man, without his asking, what he cannot accomplish by his best efforts can be defined as generosity. Even that generosity when it is tinged with ego is impermissible or at least will be a lever for him to hurt you. The opposite of generosity is meanness. (MSS, somewhat modified) Thoughts on Stinginess Stinginess is the acute possessiveness of the physical. Expansive giving of the extravagant is its opposite without substance. The stingy man becoming expansive, or the extravagant man developing an extraordinary capacity to earn is not the real solution. One can give his self, not his possessions. One cannot possess money or property, but can possess values or Love. Man loves to be oblivious of one who gave him his very life dying, but equally loves dying to know the success of those who betrayed him. Hard-earned money will be protected by stinginess. Rarely it becomes generosity. When it does so, it is for its own selfish reasons. When hard labour successfully organises itself into higher productivity unaccompanied by higher spiritual values, stinginess is born.   Ego endeavours to go beyond Time and Mind.   Stinginess tries to excel Time by its intensity.   Stinginess receives grace as scarcity. (MSS) The Unregenerate Vital Nature that Does Not Want to Pay Love gives. It cannot take. It can only give. Maybe, “Man takes, he can only take and he cannot give” is an uncharitable statement to make about mankind. At least in our own personal experience, we would have seen one example of such a person. Having read the words of Sri Aurobindo about the unregenerate vital not wanting to be under an obligation, I began to collect evidences for it from my readings of history and literature. During the course of my research, I came across precious examples in life and in literature for another principle with which this article opens. My main focus was how much I am qualified under these rules, how unregenerate my vital is and how unwilling I have been to pay where payment was due. It was instructive. Someone suffering an incurable disease came across another person in whom she developed a hope. She offered half her property to him. In half an hour of conversation, her hopes rose and she offered all her property. She was cured. Rather, she was transformed from the ghost she was to a girl of good looks. Her offer was no longer in the air. A man entrusted a friend with all his money. The friend invested it and raised it to a value of 30 times in 18 months. It never occurred to the man that the friend could also be given a trifle out of the good fortune he had created. Two rich men bought a large coffee estate together. One man paid his share. The other man did not. The buyer did not ask for the payment. The seller did not pay, nor did he give a receipt for the money for five years. It is inconceivable, but I was a witness to it. I can write here up to 15 such instances directly from the events I experienced or was a witness to. Conan Doyle wrote 56 short stories and 4 novels with Sherlock Holmes as the hero. It seems he made an experiment of his work to study this principle in life. Holmes never asks for payment. No one paid him, but everyone, before the work was over, copiously promised to pay. A Lord came representing the throne and assured his payment, but never paid. A gold king asked him to burn money if necessary, but never paid. A poor girl offered to pay if she got her property. She got it but never paid. The police took Holmes’ help but would not even pay his expenses. An Austrian King and a Duke from whom Holmes demanded payment paid. A banker lost a crown and offered to pay its whole value, but never mentioned payment on its recovery. Sri Aurobindo says it never occurs to Man that a payment is due for service rendered or goods received. Love that is incapable of taking expresses through the mind or body. The body is physical and is possessive. Even when the body expresses DIVINE LOVE that cannot take, in the beginning it wants to take for a period before it starts giving. If you see someone coming forward to pay AFTER the work is over and without being asked, you can be sure he is NOT physical. Yoga is to move from Mind to Supermind. There is the necessity for some of us to move from the vital to the mental. A few people may find themselves in the physical. They too can move. The power of the Force is wherever you are, you will be moved to the top, as in politics when the party wants, a person is moved from anywhere to everywhere. Man does not want to pay is a human reality. (MSS)   Untitled The expansive, generous self-giving of a vain poor man turns into cautious self-preservation and later miserliness when affluence comes to him. (MSS)   Also See Entries on Generosity, etc.   Ego (top) Ego vs. Non-Ego Some people object to ‘‘The Secret’’ on moralistic grounds that it caters to narrow, selfish materialistic motives. Surely, they say, this cannot be the aim of the universe. Why should the universal force lend itself to such petty purposes? There is a truth in this view, but it is a partial truth. The truth is that the universe acts to fulfill our aspirations only in the measure we open ourselves to the power of the universe. That is what ‘‘The Secret’’ means by alignment. The ego acts like a straight-jacket imprisoning us within our small personal existence, cut off from the world around us. The universe is an infinite energy. But it can enter our lives only in the measure we relate to something beyond our narrow boundaries. All of the methods advocated by ‘‘The Secret’’ are intended to help us escape from the confines of ego, even if it is done for a selfish personal motive. When a person earning $8000 a year conceives and aspires to earn $100,000, he is overcoming the narrow boundaries of his present existence, expanding beyond his limiting ego, even if he appears to be acting purely for personal, selfish motives. Therefore, the universe responds. In common parlance we use the term ego to refer to someone who is self-centered, ambitious and self-important. But the ego is present in all of us, even those whose behavior exhibits the very opposite of these characteristics. A person who doubts their own capacity or self-worth, who feels it is wrong to aspire or assert, who feels other people are far more important and deserving is also living well within the bounds of the ego. Only in this case the ego feels weak, helpless and insignificant instead of strong, capable and important. The ego is the sense of being a separate person isolated from the universe. The power comes from giving up the sense of separation. In order for the universe to act in our lives, we have to rise above the constraints placed on us by the ego sense and realize in one way or another that we are much greater than our present being – in fact, our true Self is infinite and one with all – and we have much greater potential than what we have achieved till now. The aggressive entrepreneur who seeks to earn more and more money is really trying to exceed the limiting boundaries of his ego, albeit for selfish purposes, just the way the star athlete aspires to break new records and reach the top spot. Striving for higher accomplishment that far exceeds our present level of achievement is an expansive movement that helps us reach beyond the confines of the ego. Ego has played a very important role in the evolution of humanity from the physically unconscious animal to the mentally self-conscious individual. Now humanity is at the stage where ego has become a bar for further progress. The methods of cheerfulness, faith and gratitude advocated in ‘‘The Secret’’ are all methods designed to help us shift away from the ego. It is very difficult for the ego to remain always cheerful, because so many things happen in and around us that are not to our liking. To remain always cheerful is to shift away from the surface ego to a deeper center of consciousness inside which is in harmony with the universe around. To generate such a powerful faith that we feel now how we would feel after achieving the goal we aspire for is also a means to move away from the ego. The ego is full of desire, impatience and discontent. To feel fulfilled now means to reject these disturbing influences of the ego. Gratitude is very powerful because it makes us stop thinking about ourselves and what we want and concentrate instead on what life and other people have already given us. The advocacy of these three spiritual methods shows that ‘‘The Secret’’ is really founded on spiritual insight. (MSS) Overcoming Ego Movements Watch yourself when you are making the effort to a higher consciousness at a meeting or social gathering; your ego will bull through the proceedings and try to assert. It is a poison that tries to mingle with one's inner life, tingeing your relationship with the outer crowd. It's influence can begin to be overcome by a movement within away from surface living, and be permanently overcome by a concerted effort to find one's personal evolving soul within.   Ego, Time, and Mind The spiritually evolved individual lives not in ego, nor in time, nor in mind. You can easily determine if you are that individual by following this recipe: Observe yourself; your thoughts, feelings, actions, reactions, and (1) see if you are making selfish, egoistic movements (that's easy, we're doing it all the time); (2) see if you are living in time, i.e. you are thinking about the past and the future, e.g. when you worry and fear or regret something that occurred long ago; or (3) if you are seeing only one part, not the whole of the thing, and holding onto to that piece of the puzzle, exclusively believing it is the entire puzzle. You will find that as you become aware of your negative propensities of ego, time, and mind, the foundation on which human life exists -- Ignorance and Falsehood -- will begin to reveal itself to you. Fortunately, we have the choice to reverse our limited inheritance, by choosing to embody oneness, timelessness, and spirit in all aspects of our lives.   Personal and Spiritual Values in Work It all comes down to personal values. Is the purpose of the work to improve life or to assuage one's ego? For most people, it is some combination of the two - i.e. wholesome values plus ego. To serve purely based on values is rare indeed. To serve the Divine in one in a million, if that. To serve Him purely involves a handful on earth. Untitled Listen to yourself the next time you are having a conversation. Are you saying what you are saying because it is the known truth, or because you are attached to it, are falsely energized by it, satisfying your ego-sense which is separative and selfish? At any point you can catch yourself and begin again on a firmer footing of openness and truth, or better yet, silence.   Untitled "The illusion a man cherishes above all others is the illusion of having a separate self which is apart from the whole of life. To perpetuate this illusion, he fights, for fighting appears to create a separate self, a self with an opposite, an enemy." (The Daily Guru) Ego Movement Attracts Difficulty; Cancels Further Success A man was on a major quiz show on American television. He had just answered the first half dozen or so questions correctly, and had earned $30,000. So far the questions had been easy to hard, yet fortunately he had knowledge in all of the areas addressed. The host then asked the contestant if he would like to hold his check, a question the host had asked before and which the contestant refused. This time the guest accepted, and admired the check. The next question, which would ordinarily not be too much more difficult than the previous question, turned out to be one outside of the guest's knowledge area. The guest didn't give the proper response, and was at that point eliminated from the show.  Comments: Negative Life Response. Example of how a negative ego movement can attract negative circumstance to life. Ego movement, i.e. negative vital attitude, attracts a difficulty that prevents him from gaining money (which is mostly vital). Subtle plane response. Ego Being Wanting Itself Destroyed A time comes when the most developed EGO wants to destroy itself and it cannot. At those moments, it seeks out the strongest force known and provokes it until it swings into action. The fully developed Ego is subconsciously aware that it has to be destroyed at this point. There is no mechanism of self-destruction available to him. Such a subconscious knowledge leads him to the sources of greatest power to consciously provoke them into direct action. (MSS) The First Yogic Realisation:  to Dissolve the Ego, that the Divine Alone Acts God executes his Will in the world through the instrumentation of the individual MAN. Sri Aurobindo says Shakti acts and She alone acts. Man is a mere instrument, a channel. Creative personalities create unique products, but their theme is social, what all society happily receives and endorses. A writer feels that what he writes is his OWN thought. Yoga says thoughts are not ours, they are universal and they pass through our minds. With that Realisation, ego dissolves and disappears. To dissolve our ego is the sadhana [the practice of yoga]. It never occurs to us that God can live our lives better than we can. What stands in the way is ego. To dissolve the ego, to be aware that He alone acts, is the First Yogic Realisation. (MSS-extracted)   Source of Ego: The Separation from the Oneness with the Creator The whole error of the tradition is to think of man as different from creator, the Brahman. They are one. When man thinks of himself as separate from the Creator, ego is born and all that comes with it, especially the sense of powerlessness. To KNOW that we are THAT and we create our own world is a liberating knowledge. (MSS) Causes and Nature of, and Overcoming Ego -Ego divides us from the Oneness of life -The separative material consciousness is the source of ego. -Because we were born separate forms, ego came into play. -Ego supports our sense of separateness -- from others, and the world around us. -Ego contributes to our Ignorance because it supports our tendency to take a limited view -- i.e. the part -- and believe it is the Whole. -Connecting to our deeper consciousness within, reconnects us to the Oneness of life, dissolve ego, and in turn helps overcome our sense of separateness, and begins to break the limitations of our inborn ignorance. Altruism is Egoistic -One of Sri Aurobindo's themes -- "Altruism is egoistic" is developed by me very much to the annoyance of very many. It is a GREAT theme which our tradition knows. "One cannot alter another's Karma. If he can, he should not." A soul has come on earth to have a certain experience. One who has revelled in riches and reached its acme, the tradition says, desires to enjoy poverty. So, he is born poor. If circumstances come his way to lead him away from poverty, disease, etc. he goes back to his original poverty by choice. That is Karma. Great souls say "This is your Karma. I cannot do anything." He has an option before him to come out of his Karma, if he chooses himself to emerge out of it.  -The West had developed the fad of service, of helping the poor. There is no ideal that activates the Westerner as service does. That is why Teresa was given the Nobel Prize for running a free hospital. It has a great attraction to the human mind. Sri Aurobindo says it is egoistic. -The recipient of help never fails to hurt. -Trouble comes to one ONLY from those he has helped, apart from his own folly. -The very first WORD the beneficiary speaks is "I don't like". - Scarlett in Gone with the Wind wanted the convicts to be better fed and she gave food for that. Directly she was attacked on her way back home. (MSS, extracted) Also See Thoughts on Ignorance and Reestablishing Integral Knowledge   Anger, Irritation, Arguing (top)   Definition of Anger What is anger? It is an incapacity. When do we become angry? Whenever we cannot accomplish, our first response is anger. If one really wants to get rid of anger, first he must understand it. Each time anger rises in him, he must watch himself. He is sure to find himself impatient, incapable and ill-informed. This is a general definition. There are exceptions. The exceptions are many.   Roots of Anger Anger rising is rooted in lacking or depleted energy, missing information or knowledge, and surface living.   Thoughts on Anger Anger is emotional ignorance. Absence of understanding of the environment or oneself or both generates anger. Anger is the vital’s claim of a non-existent right. Anger is the desire for domination by the hasty unthinking vital.   The man who is angry about solving a problem is like the mechanic who beats his broken machine with a stick as a method of repairing it. Unity banishes anger. One who has realised unity with the world, has nothing to be angry against. (MSS) Anger Among other things anger can be precipitated by frustration, fatigue, and something wanting inside consciously or unconsciously confronted. Anger Never show anger. Anger is an indication of an unresolved problem on your side, related directly to the matter at hand or to another matter. A clear examination of the feelings behind the anger will uncover a weakness or poor attitude, opinion, thought, or condition on your part. Once you discover it, change it for good. Watch your life thereafter take a dramatic turn for the better. Insights into Anger -95% or more of the time when a person is angry he will, upon close examination, found to be wrong in his perception of things at the time. This suggests that there is never a justification for anger. Therefore we must be vigilant about our anger. If it is coming on, we must immediately put on the breaks, and at a point thereafter trace down and understand our psychological limitations behind our negative expression. -There is also another dimension to this that we have also observed. If a person is angry, it is very often the case that the inverse of what he was angry about will prove to be true. E.g. a manager is angry at a subordinate for not doing a certain work that had been delegated to her because a second worker was unable to do that work. Upon inquiry one finds that in an earlier situation the manager had been negligent in getting the second worker properly trained when the subordinate required her to do some work. Thus the boss was negligent in this earlier situation, which reflected as anger in the inverse new situation. In this way we can trace back life's underlying truths from its falsehoods! Consequences of Anger Anger, even an intensity of angst-ridden negative thought, attracts not only negative life response but hostile forces from within or without that can enable serious consequence. Anger Toward the New and Reversal of Consciousness When there is something new in an environment of unfamiliarity, people often object. It is a disturbance of habit. If there is also anger, it is indicative of something more untoward -- requiring a reversal of consciousness on their part. Sometimes that reversal comes from within, i.e. someone makes a psychological change in attitude, belief, etc. Other times it is expressed through the outer requirements of life, as was your husband's case through his cylinder changing duty. Very often it is both. Perhaps that was actually the situation for him. Anger vs. Soft Strength Preventing the expression of one's anger in one moment, and softly expressing a strength in another are distinctions of power worth cultivating. Negative Life Response to Intense Emotional Negative Reaction Whenever there is an intense emotional reaction, there is bound to be a setback of some sort immediately following it. Untitled Even a fairly advanced spiritual man can experience sudden outburst of anger, for the seed of physicality is entrenched deep in the inconscient and subconscience within, and in the attraction and repulsion of sensation in the physical substance of the body. Irritation as Revealer of Weakness Whenever you come up against something that irritates you in the course of the day, it is an indication of a corresponding weakness in yourself. Discover the corresponding weakness inside yourself, change it, and grow.   Learn from Anger, Irritation We know that no good comes from anger, or even irritation. Whenever we feel either of these, we must immediately learn to stop it in its tracts. It only serves to reinforce our negative emotions or negative conditions. In that way, these two indicators of our lower "physical consciousness" can be very useful. Whenever they appear, they indicate something wanting in our being, or wanting in the conditions in our lives. When they express, we can thereafter sit back and wonder what it is that they represent in ourselves or in our situation in life. Once we identify it, we can develop a plan to overcome that inner or outer deficiency. In this way, we see that even the negative serves the positive. MSS Paper on Anger Arguing When two people argue, both are wrong, though perhaps each to a different degree. Whichever side you are on (and to whatever degree you are right or wrong in the argument), understand the source of frustration within yourself that precipitated the conflict -- the limiting attitude, habit, or opinion -- and then change it permanently. Your life can dramatically improve for the better from that day forward.   On Insistence If you insist in the present, another will oppose in the future. If you withhold insistence, the other will at some point come around to your point of view.   On Eliminating Quarreling Amongst Friendly People Often of people of low culture who like each other quarrel as a form of understanding one another better. This is the quarreling of individuals who have a vital (i.e. emotional) relationship, as opposed to the conversational interaction of people who have a mental relationship. After the quarrel, there is understanding, and then reconciliation. However, the tendency to quarrel remains. Getting over such a relationship requires a certain patient understanding or humility or goodness to speak out and say, ‘‘Well, I was hasty. It was unpardonable on my part.’’ This appears to be a small gesture between friends or relations, but it is significant. Once this is done, quarrel of this particular description may not arise again or at least for a longer time than usual. To realise one’s defects is introspection. To express it to the offending individual is cultured behaviour. (Paraphrase of MSS)   Fear, Worry, Anxiety, Doubt, Insecurity (top)   Fear Fear is uncertainty at the level of sensation. (MSS)   Fear Fear is the most fundamental, i.e. physical limitation of man. Even anger denotes a slight degree of mental consciousness. Fear can arise instantaneously through unconscious sensation.     Thoughts on Fear Fear is generated more by the assessment of the external situation, than by the situation itself. Clear understanding of the situation vanishes mental fear. More vital energy than the field one is in will not allow fear in the vital. Energy of that level, and understanding of that clarity reaching the physical consciousness help the man rise above physical fear. Fear rises as long as one is wedded to separation. Fear goes forever when the union or unity with the Spirit is felt. Beyond that, occasions of fear are moments of exhilaration of courage.   Fear is ultimately transformed into Love, not courage. (MSS) Knowledge and Fear Knowledge removes the basis of fear.   Thoughts on Fear Fear is a perversion of the will. It is an active vibration opposing the will and actively destroys the creation and existence of any idea, thought or activity at the level it exists.  Fear cannot exist when one has united with his soul, as fear disappears when there is no ‘other’.  Fear is more of a nervous sensation than an emotion. The vibration of fear and terror are ingrained in the nerves. The fear in the nerves stirs up the stomach and spreads down below.  Fear in the mind is a fear of the understanding which makes the person faint. It spreads to the nerves and often gives shocks to the system.  Physical fear is inherited from the animal life.