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The Nature of Complaining

Complaining

Complaining is to express a frustrated emotion about outer conditions that one does not find acceptable.

 

Complaining

Complaining indicates a lack of power over the outer situation.

 

Complaining and Divided Consciousness

Complaining is divided consciousness.

 

Complain

Complain is eloquent eagerness to be expressive to hide his uneasy inner awareness about the outer awkwardness. (MSS)

 

Limits of Complaining

Complaining without power exacerbates that which is complained about.

 

The Nature of Complaining and the Power of Non-Complaint

Complaining about others is a commonly accepted activity of life. But is it something we should engage in, or something to be avoided like the plague? In this short essay, I would like to delve into the nature of complaining, and reveal some startling aspects of this human behavior.

Complaining Correspondence

One interesting dynamic that I have documented over the years is that often the complaint we have towards others directly corresponds to the same limiting quality we have in ourselves. Other times it is more distantly related, with an indirect correspondence.

Here are some examples of direct correspondence:

-A greedy businessman who wants a very high price for his products will complain about the high wage demands of his workers forgetting that he is doing the same thing towards his buyers.

-A man who brags all the time about his own accomplishments cannot stand to hear another bragging about his accomplishment.

-An individual who resents the prosperity of others will complain that people are casting envious looks at his brand new car forgetting that he felt disturbed when his neighbor went abroad the year before.

Indirect correspondence is a little more difficult to see, but it too is there. E.g. we complain about a parent's stifling attitude, but we are stifling our own growth in that we are unwilling to work. They are both constrictive vibrations, though expressing in different ways. Thus often a child will have a particular propensity to be negative like a parent, but express it in a very different way. That lack of symmetry fools one into thinking one is not like the parent.

If we cannot perceive this dynamic in our own lives or those of others we know, we can certainly perceive it in works of great literature. E.g. in Pride and Prejudice, Mrs. Bennet complains about the indifference of her husband, but it turns out that she is indifferent to her boorishness and its effect on others. Mr. Bennet complains about his wife's obsessive behavior, and he is obsessively locked in his study. The correspondence is there, but it can express very differently.

Complaining and Lack of Strength

Often complaining indicates a certain lack of strength; i.e. a lack of fortitude and power over the situation. It is simply being in a weak position. E.g. an employee is viciously overworked by the leader who wants to expand his business to the heights no matter how much he has to push and overwork his staff. So the worker complains. What can he do? It is in the nature of the hierarchy of the organization of the society.

The "victim" has however at least two options: Silent Will (withholding the expression of a thought, which causes another to speak it out), and opening to the spiritual Force to bring life under control; or go somewhere else. And yet if he does the latter, the problem will tend to simply repeat. Thus it is best then to take the higher, consciousness approach.

On the other hand, a Captain of a ship is normally strong, and therefore does not have to complain. He gives orders, as he is in a position of strength. Even when he complains of another's limitation, it has less of the aspect of anguish, and more of the property of authority and self-assurance. Thus, complaining is often rooted in helplessness and weakness.

Complaining and Ego

Complaining is very often a product of our Ego; where we are stuck in the separative self, having lost touch with the Whole, i.e. others, and the totality of life. Developing an Inner Life (through constant opening to the spiritual Force) will help rectify this, as it tends to create harmony and oneness of being.

Complaining and Strained Nerves

Often complaining is simply the result of strained nerves. One has lost psychological and nervous balance, causing us to express difficulties as complaints -- towards others and life. Others still, internalize it, become self-deprecating, even self-loathing; or it builds up over time expressing in an explosion of anguish or illness.

Complaining and Progress

Complaining does however seem to mask a certain real desire for progress. It expresses however through the negative self. One has the urge for improvement, but the means of expression only reinforces the problem -- frequently due to impatience, weakened nerves, the assertive ego, weak position, etc.

The Consciousness-Approach Solution

We can still make that progress however, by taking to Sri Karmayogi's methods of non-reaction/detachment, silent will, self-givingness, etc. Any and all of these will always attract positive conditions.

One man consciously controlled himself and stopped complaining about his spouse's disorganization, and suddenly out of nowhere she discovered a service that organized all of her debts at a low price, overcoming 25 years of poor behavior. It was a fantastic progress; far beyond what he inwardly yearned for, but could not properly express through his previous lower nature of dissatisfaction and complaining.

 

Grievances, Complaining is Sign of Our Own Limitations

Our own grievances towards others, our complaining about them is a sure sign of our own deficiencies. And yet ironically, grievances and complaints is a first sign of awakening to our own limited nature. 

 

Complaining

Complaining reinforces the object of complaint.

 

Railing Against Violence Attracts It

When you rail against those who have committed to mass violence by indicating that they deserve violence back to them, you quickly attract signs of or actual violence back to your person. Inner stillness and silence has the opposite effect.

 

Above Complaining

Above complaining, one sees how the negative serves the positive.

 

Complaining, Grumbling, Whining in Pride and Prejudice

-Kitty when she can't go to Brighton

-Mrs. Bennet to Mr. Bennet when he is not accommodating to her interests

 

On Complaining and Non-Complaining

-There is an urge in us to react and rail against those we perceive not working in the best interest of things. It is a false and an anti-spiritual as it is a movement of powerlessness, wanting vital urge, and our limited side of the truth.

-Acceptance and non-complaining in the face of others apparent wanting qualities is a spiritual movement that allows for the Wider Life to rectify difficulties, in its own time, on its own terms.

 

 

Withholding Complaining

 

Non-complaining

Non-complaining is the status of non-initiating. It reflects Being, the Witness Consciousness that silently observes, or even ignores.

 

Karmayogi On Turning Complaint into Non-Complaint

-Complaining is wrong. To voice a complaint is not permissible. A thought of complaint is impermissible. A heart that complains gives up claims of rich fullness.

-Manliness begins when complaining is given up. Spiritually conscious joy receives its energy when the energy in complaining is directed to the emotional appreciation of the labouring spirit to emerge from behind the vital plane.

-Complaint is subconscious awareness of one's own defect.

-If pain is unreal, complaint that enables pain to linger is only a mechanism of the vital to sustain the negative intensity of suffering.

-If the first response is complaint and the second is correction, men stop with the first.

-An awakened soul replaces complaint by appreciation.

-The weak are enlivened by prodding complaints; the strong are motivated by praise. One who needs neither is a soul awake.

-If only man turns his look to what he has so far received from the Mother, there cannot be even a drop of complaint in life.

-In a positive atmosphere, a complaint turns into an opportunity. 

 

Complaining and Withdrawing Complaint

At each point, we complain about the deficiency of another, we exacerbate it. Withdrawing complaint, eliminates it, as life responds in the positive. 

 

On Complaining and Non-Complaining

-There is an urge in us to react and rail against those we perceive not working in the best interest of things. It is a false and an anti-spiritual as it is a movement of powerlessness, wanting vital urge, and our limited side of the truth.

-Acceptance and non-complaining in the face of others apparent wanting qualities is a spiritual movement that allows for the Wider Life to rectify difficulties, in its own time, on its own terms.

 

The Consciousness-Approach Solution to Overcome Complaining

We can still make that progress however, by taking to Sri Karmayogi's methods of non-reaction/detachment, silent will, self-givingness, etc. Any and all of these will always attract positive conditions.

One man consciously controlled himself and stopped complaining about his spouse's disorganization, and suddenly out of nowhere she discovered a service that organized all of her debts at a low price, overcoming 25 years of poor behavior. It was a fantastic progress; far beyond what he inwardly yearned for, but could not properly express through his previous lower nature of dissatisfaction and complaining.

 

 

Non-Complaining and Positive Life Response

The Power of Non-Complaining

From the spiritual position, non-complaining overcomes that which we would ordinarily complain about. I.e. life responds and overcomes our intention when we stop complaining.

 

The Very Messy Work Area

Normally, when one spouse wants another to change a particular behavior, it comes in the form of a complaint. The trouble with that approach is that though there may a short-term positive result (and even that is doubtful), longer term, the desired effect is unlikely to come about. In fact, the situation is likely to worsen.

And so today with this in my mind, I decided not to complain about my partner's' very messy workspace that had been like that for nearly a week. Instead, I decided to simply ignore the situation. Later in the day, however, I was startled to discover that my friend completely cleaned up the mess, without a word from my lips. She then confided in me that she did so because she was tired of looking at it. Or to put it another way, when I stopped caring about the situation, she started to. It was another powerful little reminder of the life response power of non-complaining and self-restraint.

 

Life Response Power of Non-Complaining with Partner

About three months ago, I learned that my partner had been paying exorbitantly high interest rates on her bank credit cards and suggested that she contact the banks to negotiate lower rates. Unfortunately, she never took up my advice; in part, because she is not the type who would take such aggressive actions. This was not the only problems she had working with her credit cards. The bigger problem was that as a result of her lack of organization, she has had no obvious way to know when the cards were due, and followed a haphazard approach to paying the bills. Not unexpectedly, the card and other financial companies were always calling at the worst time, and sending notices by mail, which in turn raised her interest rates.

Several months ago, I asked IRES how to deal with my partner's lack of personal organization. In particular, I wondered what I could do that would encourage her to improve housekeeping-including things strewn about and paperwork clutter that prevents her from paying her accounts in a regular and timely manner. I decided to follow some of IRES's strategies for improving harmony, including not complaining, not trying to change my partner, not bullying and not reacting. I felt my initial efforts went well, with a few small setbacks along the way.

Without any further prodding on my part, last week, my partner suddenly decided to call one of the banks. Later she told me that she had worked out an agreement where she would make one, single payment against all her cards to this bank and they would then process the amounts to the individual cards for her. This single payment approach was the perfect solutions for her, who for years had problems paying her cards and meeting other large financial obligations on time! Afterwards I realized that my decision to stop complaining and trying to change her had prompted her to do something I had been unsuccessfully urging her to do for months.

 

Power of Withholding Complaint

There can be great good that comes from NOT criticizing another who deserves criticism. It creates an energy, a vibration that moves out and compels the other person to confront the limitation and therefore to change. It occurs sooner or later. It also tends to allow for the right life conditions to emerge for that to happen.

Whether the person catches this energy in the atmosphere depends on the quality and power of the Silent Will effort of the "criticizer" (e.g. powerful consecration will aid greatly), the receptivity of the receiver, and other factors. By not criticizing, it builds up Silence-power in the atmosphere, as well as in us.

Imagine if your Silent Will of non-criticism effort compelled the other person to now be willing to discuss his limitations with you. He unexpectedly comes to you suddenly ready to discuss his issues. Now you can have rational conversations where you can be helpful to the confessor individual. Your vital urge to criticize in a non-productive or hostile way is more likely to be absent, leading to a productive and heartfelt conversation. The discussion will actually be helpful to BOTH sides, as you will see limitations in yourself in the peaceful or more rational exchange.

You see these sorts of dynamics in films all of the time. Sometimes the pressure is great and a person blurts out his criticism of another. It leads to conflict, yet can often be good in the longer term (as we see with Darcy and Eliza). But ours can be a different way that uses the power of Restraint to evoke the right time and conditions for the discussion that can progressively or even dramatically help overcome the defect of the other person.

It is another form of what Karmayogi calls Non-Reaction that has the tendency to attract the infinite from the finite; here at least at the psychological level. That change can then evoke further ripples for accomplishment, success, and personal growth.

It would be interesting to consider the events that might have occurred if Eliza held back her criticism of Darcy.

 

Complaining Fails; Silence Succeeds

The more you complain, the more the object of your complaint (e.g. spouse, workmate, or boss) will disappoint. Complaining is therefore powerlessness. Silence on the other hand is strength that attracts the intended results. It is a spiritual law of life.

 

Non-Complaining is Silent Will that Attracts

Not complaining attracts the result one intended from that party. It is the miracle of life response in action. Non-complaint is actually a form of "Silent Will," which is to hold back from speaking one's intent, which invariably attracts that which we are after.

 

Complaining to Appreciating

Change from Complaining to Appreciating. Life will then become your friend.

 

Don't Blame, Criticize Others; Change Yourself Instead

He who sees the speck in another's eye should remove the log inside his own is a well known spiritual insight. In other words, don't complain about, criticize others. Instead be humble and focus on changing your own wanting nature. As a result, you will grow as a person, and life will cooperate from all quarters, becoming your friend forever.

Further Comment: Often when you complain about others, there is a corresponding negative quality in yourself. E.g. if I am intolerant of my friend's lack of organization, which she has a weakness in, it shows the limits of my nerves that causing me to be bothered by it. Therefore, it is an opportunity to investigate why I have this limited, intolerant nature. I can now act more consciously in the future. In addition, the spiritual position should be in such situations one of Non-Reaction (and therefore no complaining here), and instead, inwardly aspire for the change in the other person, or even forget about the matter. Taking this tact causes sudden good fortune to descend on both parties. I have absolutely seen the truth in that outcome as a result of taking this approach in this sort of situation.

 

Acceptance and Non-Reaction Instead of Complaining that Attracts Good Fortune

When two sides complain about one another, each side is expressing a degree of Ego, i.e. self-aggrandizement, as well as their Ignorance (asserting one's limited, part knowledge, compared to the whole of the truth). And yet there is a degree of truth in each side's complaint that the other side can learn from. If they do, there is progress, and life responds with sudden good fortune for either or both parties. Another approach is to simply not react and remain still, rather than express the complaint. Here too life will respond, as the spiritual power of verbal and emotional Silence pays its life response dividend.

 

Complaining Fails; Silence Succeeds

The more you complain, the more the object of your complaint (e.g. spouse, workmate, or boss) will disappoint. Complaining is therefore powerlessness. Silence on the other hand is strength that attracts the intended results. It is a spiritual law of life.

 

Life Responds Powerfully to Making Full Use of a Limited Resource

When you make a full, persevering effort with what little you have, life tends to take over and provide you with what is missing; often much more. E.g. one man's vacuum cleaner was no longer picking up dirt due to faulty suction in the main part. Rather than fretting, he used an awkward to operate side vent and tube to extract the filth. Though it was a very slow operation, he held back from complaining. A few moments later, a friend unexpectedly handed him a long-forgotten attachment to the machine. When he then connected the part, it picked up dirt far faster than the original method! He was overjoyed at the turn of events in this relatively small domestic situation.

The principle illustrated here is that when you make full use of a limited resource (and don't complain), life takes over and gives you what you hoped for, and much more.

Here is a more dramatic example: A manager and his people no longer had access to a critical resource for manufacturing their main products. For several days, the company's lifeblood and very existence was in danger. As a result, the manager asked his people to pick up every last morsel of that resource from the shop floor. Suddenly from out of nowhere they received word that a new supplier had come forward with abundant supplies of that scarce resource, relieving the company of its hardship.

It was another demonstration of how life tends to respond with good or great fortune to calmly and consciously utilizing whatever resource is at one's disposal. Maximizing a resource -- whether money, materials, or people -- is the surest way of attracting more of it, or other forms of abundance.

 

Life Response Power of Letting Others Be Themselves

When you allow people to be themselves -- without judging, insisting, reacting, or complaining -- positive conditions quickly present themselves. 

 

Also See Blaming

 

 

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