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Self-Givingness
 
by Roy Posner and MSS

-General

-Pleasure of Self-Giving

-Spiritual Nature of Self-Giving

-Self-Givingness, One's Accomplishment, and Life Response

-Self-Givingness (Miscellaneous)

-Our Level of Culture (of Behavior & Values)

-Selflessness

-Miscellaneous

-Ego vs. Non-Ego

General
(top)

 

Self-Giving
Self-giving is the active pursuit of giving because you value the true self and being of the other individual as much as your own.

 

Giving to Other's Self
Giving one’s all to the OTHER person because he is a Self, is Self-Giving. ["Self" being the spiritual essence, the True Self of the person]

 

Self-Giving So Others May Expand
Self-giving is one giving himself to another so that the other may expand.

 

Giving Connects the Part to the Whole
Giving is a strategy used by the part to relate with the other parts or to the whole. (MSS) [An individual is only a part relative to the whole of all creation. When an individual gives, he moves from his own limited part, to another part and to the whole of creation, which is too the wider truth and existence, which is in essence a spiritual movement. -editor]

 

The Power of Giving
The happiest of people are always giving of themselves to others -- by listening attentively, by focusing on their interests and concerns, by being agreeable and taking their point of view, by giving greater attention, and by showing them our gratitude, to name a few.  By taking these approaches, we will be –

 

  • guaranteeing that our relationships will be harmonious
  • gaining their affection, admiration, and trust
  • supporting their personal growth, achievement, and happiness
  • increasing our own joy and happiness
  • growing as individuals, and seeing our potential for further growth
  • evoking powerful positive responses from life

 

Concern for Others
Perhaps the single most powerful way to succeed in life is to have more concern for our fellow human beings.  Normally, we are overwhelmingly concerned about ourselves, driven by our own personal motives and ambitions.  However, the happiest people literally lose themselves in the feelings, thoughts, and aspirations of others.

Are you ready to "forget yourself" and be genuinely interested in the welfare of others?  Are you willing to be tolerant and kind to others, listen attentively and silently to their words, and be non-judgmental and open to their opinions and points of view?  If you are, you're an excellent candidate for great success in life, not to mention an ever-increasing personal happiness and joy.

Try a little experiment. When you meet with others, immediately put yourself in their shoes. Think only of what they want. Listen carefully to their thoughts and feelings, and show genuine concern and empathy. Do this for the entire meeting. Now watch how the interaction goes. Watch how the energy level of the other person increases. The other individual becomes more animated and involved.

In addition, if you watch closely, you may notice some interesting things starting to happen. An unthought of point of view or perspective may be raised in the conversation. New ideas or fresh new insights are suddenly revealed. Or, a new interesting idea, project or event might suddenly come out of the discussion. This all happens because you have shifted your concern toward the other person.

But there's more. If you pay very close attention, you'll see that there might be an added "response from life."  For example, during the conversation, someone might call in a great new project to you; or a dramatic new development might arise in some area of your work. This is life itself "responding" to your concern for another person. It is a hidden power that we have witnessed dozens of times in the past. 

 

 

The Urge to Give, and to Take
The urge to give is spiritual. It is overpowering. When it takes possession of someone, it is impossible to wait, not a question of restraining.

The opposite, the urge not to give or the urge to take is equally powerful. That too is a spiritual vibration in the reverse. It is in the physical body, whereas the urge to give is seated in the Spirit and partly in the Mind.

In a sale of property such things are evident. The seller wants the highest price. The buyer wants the lowest one. It will be best for both if they have the reverse urges - the seller desiring the lowest price and the buyer wishing the highest price. (MSS)

Scope of Self-Giving
Delight of being is the greatest joy one can have in life. The level of one's Delight is enhanced by the quality of our self-giving, which runs in a continuum from self-giving to others, to self-giving to the Divine, and ultimately to self-giving to the Divine in man. Unfortunately, man misses this Delight of self-giving, instead seeking the objects of life he wishes to gain; i.e. self-taking.

On Self-Giving
-Selfishness is universal. It often goes with meanness. We witness Selflessness often in action. It leaves its expansive touch on the onlooker. To be selfless is good, but to [actively] practice self-giving is to be SPIRITUAL.

-Self-giving expresses love, receiving it as grace from above.

-One who sees in himself the impulse of Self-giving will do well when his self-giving is directed to the Divine instead of to those around him. (MSS, slight modification)

Views of "One's Right" at Five Planes of Our Being
 The way the physical feels the ‘right’ is when it comes into physical contact. Such men if they enjoy for a minute an article belonging to someone else, they feel it belongs to them. They feel the right to it. The vital feels that right when it likes something, the mind when it understands. A higher or better mind understands a thing as it is and does not extend its right to it. The Spirit recognises the right of others over himself and his endowments and possessions. (MSS)

Human Giving
Human giving [as opposed to self-givingness] is as much for self-aggrandisement as the receiver’s greed. (MSS)

MSS Thoughts on Self-Givingness, Selflessness, Selfishness, Etc.

 

Pleasure of Self-Giving
(top)

Happiness & Givingness
The happiest of people are those who are self-giving; the most miserable, those absorbed in themselves.

Pleasure of Self-giving
Self-giving is to give up one's own concerns and the pleasure it might have given, for the unexpected adventure, and pleasure,  of following the other person's experience.

 

Inner Thrill of Self-Giving
Self-giving, a spiritual act of the being, can generate the thrill inside without needing the external stimulus. (MSS)

 

Self Giving and Delight of Being
 Self-giving brings Delight/Bliss of being. (It is a joy beyond mere human happiness.)

 

Relationship Between Self-Givingness and Happiness
The happiest people have one characteristic in common –- they are continually giving of themselves. While most of us are fully absorbed in our daily concerns and routines -- driven by our own needs, desires, and ambitions -- the happiest of people literally lose themselves in the feelings, thoughts, and aspirations of others. For example, one man noticed that whenever he went shopping, and shifted from his own concerns to those of the person he was with, everything began to flow perfectly thereafter. Likewise, a stingy individual noticed that whenever he loosened up and spent money on others, shortly thereafter good fortune would come his way -- often in the form of inflow of money exactly equal to the amount he had just spent! Action Plan: Try a little experiment. The next time you meet with someone, immediately put yourself in that person’s shoes -- concerning yourself only with what is on their mind. Listen carefully to their thoughts and feelings, showing genuine interest. Also, make the effort to control your own opinions. Make the effort to embrace the other person’s point of view -- even if differs substantially from your own. You will notice thereafter that the other person has become energized, animated, and involved. You may also notice how unthought of points of view, or fresh perspectives are raised in the conversation. (They may in fact turn out to be more interesting and beneficial to you than anything that might have been on your own mind.) Shifting your focus to the concerns of others has this extraordinary capacity to attract freshness and wonder.

 

Self-Giving and Enjoyment in Others Coming to Reward
Self-giving is for its own sake, not because you expect a reward. Your enjoyment comes in the giving, and seeing another get rewards.


Adventure of Self-Giving
Self-giving us to give up one's own concerns (and the pleasure it might have given) for the unexpected adventure (and pleasure) of following and sharing in another's experience and joy.

 

Giving, not Receiving Love Enables True Happiness
It is not the love that someone feels for you that can make you happy, it is the love you feel for others that makes you happy: for you receive the love that you give from the Divine, who loves eternally and unfailingly. (The Mother)

 

Self-Sacrifice vs. Self-Giving
At the point it is enjoyable it becomes self-giving. Till then it remains self-sacrifice. (MSS)

 

Spiritual Nature of Self-Giving
(top)

Self-Giving is Spiritual
Self-giving is a spiritual act and experience.

Self-Giving and Spirit
Active psychological Self-giving practiced as an article of faith brings one’s Spirit to the surface of his life. (MSS)

Self-Offering, Giving and Spiritual Qualities
Self-offering and self-giving are the most beautiful acts that make Time into Eternity. It is the longing of the finite for the Infinite. (MSS)

 

Self-Giving and Spiritual Evolution
Self-giving is a strategy for spiritual evolution. (MSS)

 

Self-Giving is Prayer
Self-giving is true prayer. (The Mother)
 

Self-Giving So Others May Expand
Self-giving is one giving himself to another so that the other may expand. Now man is expanding his reign through ego. For him to realise that the Divine should expand in human life and for that purpose his coming forward to give up his own enjoyment of thought or habit, is self-giving for him. (MSS)

 

Giving to Other's Self
Giving one’s all to the OTHER person because he is a Self, is Self-Giving. ["Self" being the spiritual essence, the True Self of the person]

 

Giving Connects the Part to the Whole
Giving is a strategy used by the part to relate with the other parts or to the whole. (MSS) [An individual is only a part relative to the whole of all creation. When an individual gives, he moves from his own limited part, to another part and to the whole of creation, which is too the wider truth and existence, which is in essence a spiritual movement. -editor]

 

Giving is Strategy for Spiritual Evolution
Giving, or for that matter taking, is a strategy used by the part to relate with the other parts or to the whole.   Therefore self-giving is a strategy for the spiritual evolution. (MSS, abridged)
 

Self-Giving Enables the Divine to Expand in Human Life
Self-giving is one giving himself to another so that the other may expand. Now man is expanding his reign through ego. For him to realise that the Divine should expand in human life and for that purpose his coming forward to give up his own enjoyment of thought or habit, is self-giving for him. (MSS)

 

Enthusiastically Acknowledging Another's Experience
We enthusiastically acknowledge another person's experience when we have had the same or similar experience in our own lives. Otherwise, it is a mere thought. The spiritual individual on the other hand energetically acknowledges the experience whether or not he has had it. That is because his inner-orientation binds him with the interest, needs, and aspirations of others. They are always felt as his own.


 

 

Self-Givingness, One's Accomplishment, and Life Response
(top)

 

Self-Giving and Accomplishment
Acts of self-giving accomplish the most. (MSS)

On Accomplishment through Selflessness and Self-Giving
-The opposite of selfishness is unselfishness or selflessness. Self-giving is of a higher order.

-As a rule, unselfish people will accomplish more than selfish persons. The exception to this rule is a substantial portion. They are those who are unselfish without the capacity to accomplish. Often they end up as dismal failures. It is not because of their unselfishness, but because of their incapacity.

-Parents who raise their children are mostly unselfish. A good many love to practise self-giving to their children. Giving one’s all to the OTHER person because he is a Self, is Self-Giving. Such parents will not find their children falling a victim to social evils such as drinks or drugs.

In their minds, the thought of whether their children would take care of them in old age will not arise. Also, they will not financially need such a support. Mental Peace, which is the desideratum of many, will be theirs by virtue of the self-giving.

This is a general rule, not confined to family. Selfishness is capable. It can even raise a nation to great prosperity, but Self-giving will make an individual, family or a nation spiritually rich, economically strong, and socially great. (MSS)

Give in Abundance to Receive
If you want encouragement in your life, give it to others.

If you want love, give it in every way to others.

If you want success, encourage it in others.

If you want to be happy, focus on the happiness of others.

If you want to receive, give to others in abundance.

 

Self-Giving and Life Response
Acts of self-giving tend to attract powerful positive responses from life.

 

Life Response Power of Self-Givingness
Life response is the phenomenon where sudden good fortune descends on a person due to an elevation of consciousness. It can come from a change in attitude, an intense aspiration for a thing to be achieved, to a decision, and to an action. One other way sudden good fortune comes is through acts of kindness, generosity, and goodness. We can sum them up as “self-givingness.”

The other day I attended a meeting where people were gathered to watch a presentation. Sitting next to me was an individual who like me was eager to learn new things from the speaker. At one point, my neighbor turned over several leaflet pages to their blank side. I thought this indicated that he wanted to take some notes. I then wondered if he even had a pen to write with, since there was none present. A few moments later, he pulled out a tiny, thin pen from his Swiss Army Knife. It seemed a rather anemic writing utensil. I then offered him to use one of my pens, which he gladly and appreciatively accepted.

At the end of the presentation, gifts were handed out to lucky winners. Interestingly, the man next to me to whom I gave the pen won one of the larger prizes. Then astonishingly the next person counterclockwise to him at the table won the next prize. (There were a number of tables, mind you.) Then utter astoundingly the next person sitting counterclockwise still won the following prize! Now, I was the only one left at the table. As they were drawing, the astonished participants in the room were looking at me as the logical next person to win the prize! And wouldn’t you know it, that is exactly what took place! And it turned out to be an expensive gift that I needed for my work!

From the standpoint of life response, an inner cause creates an outer effect. The cause on this case was my concern for the person next to me and his lack of writing utensil. When I observed his situation and extended myself by offering a pen, I performed a very small act of generosity that precipitated the astounding series of events that followed; breaking all odds. That is the life response power we generate when we practice self-giving behavior.

Here’s another example I witnessed recently. In the film ‘The Savages’, we watch as a son and daughter care for their elder ill father who has Parkinson's. They (the Savage children) are both struggling artists, who have yet to make a breakthrough in their creative fields. The son is a writer, the daughter a struggling playwright. As it turns out the son is satisfied that they have put their father into a nursing home for care. The daughter however is not happy with this dismal arrangement, and seeks something better. Along the way, she discovers a much nicer home in a rural area. She then makes the journey to find out about it and apply for her father’s transfer there. Most interestingly, however, is that when she arrives home, she receives a package in the mail with word that she has been given a very large grant from the government. It provides her with the money by which she produces her very first play – on Broadway no less. From rehearsals, it seems it is going to be a big success.

In this instance, we see how an unsuccessful woman on the verge of poverty with no work in site is catapulted to a completely new life. Her act of generosity of seeking out better conditions for her father has attracted an overwhelming response in the form of the grant that provided the funds by which she would change the course of her career. It is the overwhelming life response power generated by sweet acts of self-givingness.

Selfless, Self-giving Behavior Attracts
When we give more attention to another, or otherwise exhibit selfless and self-giving behavior, that person comes alive, and is energized to no end. What we do not realize however is that when we connect with others this way, we too derive great benefit -- in the form of inner joy that comes through the act of giving, as well as through unexpected bursts of good fortune to our person.

 

‘Witness for the Prosecution’

There is a wonderful scene in the film Witness for the Prosecution that shows how selfless and self-givingness can evoke the miraculous.

Sir Wilfred Robarts, a master barrister and an elder man in ill health, takes Leonard Vole on as a client over the protestations of his nurse. Vole is accused of murdering Mrs. French, a rich, older woman who had become enamored of Vole, going so far as to make him the main beneficiary of her will. Thus, strong circumstantial evidence all pointed to Vole as the killer.

When Sir Wilfred speaks with Vole's German wife Christine, he finds her rather cold and self-possessed, but she does provide an alibi for Vole’s innocence. Therefore, Sir Wilfred is greatly surprised when she is unexpectedly called as a witness for the prosecution. On the stand, she testifies that Vole admitted to her that he had killed Mrs. French, and that her conscience now forced her to finally come forth and tell the truth.

As a result, Vole is likely to be found guilty and sent to the gallows. And yet Sir Wilfred, loyal to the end, presses on despite the futility of the situation, and despite his rapidly deteriorating health. At one point, someone asks him if it is worth pursuing the case any further because it could jeopardize his life. He answers that the life of his client is more important than his own life, and he will do everything he can to pursue the truth.

Not a few seconds after he makes that remark, he receives a phone call.  It is from a mysterious woman who says she can produce shocking new evidence that will lead to the reversal of the case, which is in fact what occurs.

From a consciousness point of view, the phone call and presence of this woman is something more. It is a direct and immediate response from life to Sir Wilfred for having placed the life of someone else above his own. It is an astonishing act of self-sacrifice for which he is instantaneously rewarded with information that suddenly reverses the evidence and wins him the case.

This is no clever ploy on the part of the writer to create dramatic effect, but is precisely how life works. When we take to selfless and self-giving behavior, life immediately starts working on our behalf. Negative situations dissipate, unthought of opportunities arise, and other forms of sudden good fortune come our way. It is in essence the phenomenon of “Life Response” in action. When we change our inner condition, life outside instantly responds in kind.

 

Becoming More Giving Attracts Positive Life Response
 Whenever you shift your perspective from yourself to others, your energy increases, conditions for success reveal themselves (including positive life responses), and joy is released.  (This response to givingness also applies to a company that is more giving by being responsive to the needs of its customers, or the development of its staff.)

LIFE RESPONSE EXAMPLES
-A tried to fix the computer keyboard of B. A did not succeed. However B felt a degree of gratitude for his effort and offered to compensate A for his efforts. Though thankful for A's thought, A  wouldn't accept money from B. A few days later B’s computer went dead and it would not start. So the next morning B called A and asking him for urgent help to repair the computer again. A took it and very quickly was able to discover that the problem was the electrical adapter, which A managed to replace very quickly within 24 hours. B was very happy about this quick solution to his computer.

-Out of concern for the success of his people, a manager decided to train his illiterate workers. As a result of this they became so happy and energized. It permeated the business. Even the machines they were trained to work with on started to suddenly work better even though no improvements were made to their operation!

-A sales representative was having trouble getting an electronic payment for a product that was purchased from a client because the client had problem using the web-based payment system. The rep decided to give the individual the product before payment anyway. The client was grateful. The client then pointed out the dramatic fact that the phone number at the site was wrong on the main web page! The sales rep was very happy that the client caught this error, potentially preventing the loss of considerable business in the future. The client's finding of this error was a life response to the earlier givingness of the rep to the client.

Acts of Goodness Instantaneously Attract
There are several key factors that attract luck in our lives -- one of which are acts of goodness. When one engages in selfless and self-giving behavior, life tends to respond with overwhelming good fortune to our person. In each of three novels by author Jane Austin, an act of goodness changes the life of the heroine forever through the institution of marriage.

Near the end of Pride and Prejudice, Eliza Bennett shows her gratitude to Fitzwilliam Darcy for the effort he made in saving her family's reputation. He in turn most unexpectedly responds with a proposal of marriage, when she thought her family's behavior had disgusted him and he therefore no longer had any interest in her. They are thus happily married, and as a result her family come into a huge fortune.

In Sense and Sensibility, Elinor Dashwood showed an act of kindness very early on in the story by relieving a servant girl of unnecessary work that instantaneously attracts Edward Ferrars for the first time out of nowhere -- not two feet from her (!) -- who would later marry her.

In Persuasion, Anne Elliot shows deep empathy for Captain Harville's love for his beloved wife whom he must return to on occasion after long, one year commissions at sea, which instantly attracts a completely unexpected love letter from Captain Frederick Wentworth, which leads to their sudden engagement and marriage. Again, she thought he had no interest in her anymore.

In each case, a profound act of gratitude, kindness, and empathy -- three forms of goodness -- attract a powerful response that instantly turns the entire story -- leading to the joyous outcome of marriage for each of the heroines.

Life for us in the real world is precisely the same. When we look out at life through the eyes of others, sudden good fortune moves in our direction, as we now have shifted from the limited plane of ego to the universal plane, where our deepest aspirations are instantaneously fulfilled.

Why Money Responds to Goodwill and Self-giving
Karmayogi frequently writes that money comes to those with goodwill who practice self-giving. Why? To understand why, we have to keep in mind that money is not a thing, it is a force. What is the purpose of that force? The purpose is to promote mutually beneficial relationships between human beings -- so people can exchange the fruits of the labor. Money is a force for human interaction and interchange. It enables one person to work hard growing food and exchange it for another person's labor making products or providing services.

Money is like language. It is intended to facilitate human interaction. Imagine a person who says that he will not speak to anyone because he wants to keep all his words to himself. What good is his language to him then? Money is the same. Language grows and becomes valuable only when we relate to other people. The more we try to relate and communicate, the more valuable language is and the more proficient we become in utilizing it. Language has the power to enable a single person to communicate with the whole of humanity. We do not hoard language. We do not try to take away the language of other people. We naturally understand that the more people speak our language, the easier it is for us to communicate. The same is true of money.

Think of money in the same way as a means for communication and fostering positive relations with others. Money grows when we relate positively to other people -- not when we want to take what they have or acquire more than others or feel superior to them -- but when we feel happy that everyone around us prospers and when we take active initiative to promote the prosperity of those we meet. Conscious acts of goodwill and self-giving put us in touch with the universal power of money and attract the force of money to flow toward, in and through us to the world around. The more we feel the urge to give it, the more it comes to us. (MSS)

 

Swinging to Selflessness Brings Vast Rewards that Overcomes Perception of Mundane World
An affectionate voice comes and envelops the hearer as a cocoon of peace, sending the hearer to blissful sleep. It is said that to be in the presence of one whom you love from the depths of self-giving, one feels sleep overcomes. That is not sleep. It is the meditative atmosphere that descends on the loving heart. After listening to all shades of such opinion, Man still feels, ‘‘A touch of selfish interest is necessary to survive in this mundane world of ours.’’ This is practical worldly wisdom. It may be right for him, if he wants to be what he is. Should he choose to swing to an utterly Selfless attitude for a short period, he will meet with all the wonders of this same mundane world whose known misers act towards him with rich generosity, narrow-minded people offer broad-minded compliments. Doing is experiencing, not arguments advanced. To live for a short while, even if it is a day, in the poise of self-giving is to know Life Divine. (MSS)

 

Getting Things in Great Measure by Giving
The easiest way of getting anything in great measure is to give it to the Divine. Better still, give it to your fellow men. E.g. if you want affection, give your affection to others. (MSS)

 

Power of Self-Giving Overcomes Infirmities of Old Age
The power of self-giving is so great that even the infirmities of old age change into the vigour of youth. (Self-giving is in the reverse order of taking which is biological and physical. The female practicing self-giving has to initiate herself in the spiritual plane. Medicines invigorate the body and prolong life. Self-giving is spiritual. Theoretically it must be capable of giving a new lease of life. Practically too, it is true.) (MSS)

Goodwill and Self-Giving
 The best way to escape and transcend the limits of ego is to feel genuine, intense good will for others and to practice total self-giving. To feel joy in the joy of another person is Good Will. The ego is highly competitive. It judges its own importance and success relative to the achievements of other people. When others accomplish more, it feels smaller, as if it had less than before. Therefore, to generate intense goodwill that feels happy for the accomplishments of other people is a powerful means to transcend the ego. Those who can ardently aspire for others to succeed and prosper generate the maximum receptivity for success and prosperity in their own lives.

Self-giving is even more powerful than goodwill. To grow by giving is Self-giving. Moving from selfishness to selflessness helps the being expand and increases the energy of the personality. To give oneself without any motive of return in thought, feeling and act is an ultimate spiritual discipline and path to higher accomplishment. That giving may be to a person, an ideal, an organization or to God. It is powerful when there is no thought or expectation or demand for recognition or return, only the joy of giving oneself.

Not everyone can practice self-giving. But everyone can raise their level of personal efficiency. This is a less powerful method that has a similar result because it gather and concentrates our available energy so it can be more effectively utilized. Efficiency is a laborious physical method. Self-giving is an enjoyable spiritual method.

Rising above the ego though goodwill and self-giving can invoke the highest powers in the universe to act in our lives. When we do this, the universe invariable responds, bringing what we aspire for. But when our aspiration is not selfish, the benefit comes to everyone, not merely to those who aspire. (MSS)


Self-Givingness (Miscellaneous)
(top)

 

Also See Thoughts on True Love Towards Others

False Self-Givingness
To remember what I have once given to another, maybe help, support, sympathy, valuable objects or money is to mentally INSIST on a sufficient return. It is NOT giving. It is a bargain that subtly demands a recompense. Such an attitude vitiates the act of giving. Such people always complain, ‘‘I have helped this man so many times. He is not grateful.’’ The other man’s ingratitude is not justifiable. But a higher truth is he does NOT remember your help because you REMEMBER it still. (MSS)

 

Gratitude matures into self-giving
Gratitude matures into self-giving by adoration resulting in delight.  (MSS)


Our Level of Culture (of Behavior & Values)
 (top)

Indicators of Individual Culture
Desire to be pleasant, remembering old acquaintances with pleasure, kindness, the capacity to be utterly truthful, the capacity to put the other man at ease, genuine goodness, unsuspecting trust, open-mindedness, inability to react will always reveal themselves to visitors. (MSS) [These are indicator's of an individual's culture.]

Culture

  • The way we express ourselves indicates our level of culture.
  • The way we treat others, respect others indicates our level of culture.
  • Culture expresses our values.
  • Ultimate cultural capacity is expressed through ultimate spiritual values.

Seeing Beyond an Expression of Low Level of Culture
A very ugly portrait of Churchill was presented to him on his American tour and he was asked to unveil it.

The portrait was so offensive that later his wife burned it. Churchill did not demur, he accepted the gift and unveiled it himself with a humorous remark, “It is a remarkable work of modern art.” One needs a generous heart not to be offended by the foolish acts of admirers.

Their low level of culture offends, but greatness goes beyond the appearances, sees the devotion behind it, values it, and offers the courtesy of reception. (MSS)

Culture as Indicator of Spirit
Culture is an indication of the spirit emerging, as it takes form as care for another's condition, self-givingness, putting others at ease, etc. which are forms of Love, one of the main attributes of the Divine.

Personality & Culture
In our own selves, as we know the origin of thoughts and acts, we can OBSERVE the course of acts and how our personality is centred in one place and moves in a range between a maximum and a minimum.

The minimum fixes our culture.

The maximum announces our possibilities. (MSS)

 

Traits of a True Gentleman of Culture
I shall list several of his [the true gentleman's] attributes as described by many, such as Charles Dickens. Cardinal Newman’s long definitions are of special significance.

  • He is mainly occupied in merely removing the obstacles, which hinder the free and unembarrassed action of those about him. It means he will readily help others without waiting for others to apply for help. His incapacity to inflict pain and readiness to help are both refined and accurate.

  • In giving, he behaves as one who is receiving.

  • He concurs with the movements of those around him rather than taking initiative.

  • Newman says a gentleman silently confers on others like an easy chair that removes fatigue or a fire that removes cold. He does not make his presence prominent while he serves.

  • A true gentleman avoids all statements that would jar on the sensitivity of others. A clash of opinion, collision of feeling, an attitude of suspicion may thus jar on others. ! He is tender towards the bashful.

  • He avoids topics that might irritate.

  • He does not thrust himself forward in conversation.

  • He is never wearisome.

  • He makes light of favours while he does them.

  • He never speaks of himself unless compelled.

  • He never defends himself by a retort.

  • Contention, he avoids.

  • He has no ears for slander or gossip.

  • He is scrupulous in imputing motives to those who interfere with him.

  • He interprets everything for the best.

  • He is never mean or little in disputes.

  • He never mistakes personalities or sharp saying for arguments.

  • Nor does he insinuate evil, which he does not spell out.

  • He treats his enemies as if one day they will turn into friends.

  • He has too much good sense to be affronted at insults.

  • He is too well employed to remember injuries.

  • Nor can he bear malice.

  • He is patient, forbearing and resigned on philosophic principles.

  • He submits to pain because it is inevitable.

  • He submits to bereavement because it is irreparable.

  • He submits to death because it is destiny.

  • When engaged in controversy he does not blunder as he is endowed with a disciplined intellect. (MSS)s

Uncultured Dynamic Individuals
It is always fascinating to observe how intelligent, insightful, creative individuals are often burdened by lacking culture; i.e. uncouth and untoward behavior; and individuals of impeccable manners and social graces embody utter falsehoods bordering on evil. It must be Nature's process and method of organization, enabling each to discover their whole nature beyond their current limiting status.

 

Untitled
A certain minimum culture is expected from all who come to Mother. (MSS)

 

 

Also See Thoughts on Cultural Behavior and Values of Society



 

Selflessness
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On Selflessness
We live our lives as if the world revolves around ourselves. It is built on a foundation of selfishness and ego from which all other problems follow. Therefore, from a true selflessness we can establish the solid base from which all felicity and luck can follow.

 

Selfishness & Selflessness
Selfishness is an act of organizing oneself for the security in protected limitations. Selflessness is the same act that seeks security in its opposite direction. (MSS)

 

Selflessness vs. Self-Givingness
 Selflessness is the reversal of selfishness. Self-giving is the active pursuit of giving because you value the true self and being of the other individual as much as your own.

Self-Sacrifice vs. Self-Giving
At the point it is enjoyable it becomes self-giving. Till then it remains self-sacrifice. (MSS)

Existence to History to Culture of Selflessness -- through Compulsion of Life or Self-Directed Spiritual Values
Time never stops. It is relentless. Its march is called the progress of civilisation. Century after century, decade after decade, progress continues. Thus the mere existence of Man becomes history. His mere existence is now denoted as pre-historic period.

As existence matures into history, history ripens into culture. Man was physical, selfish. Now he is mental and aims at being selfless. Man does not become selfless on his own.

He is compelled by circumstances to be selfless. When other tribes attacked, man organised collective defence, impelled by his own selfish security. The ultimate goal of that movement is self-giving, the Spiritual progress of the collective Man. The March of Time compels Man to be selfless and practise Self-giving.

Such a movement is there in commercial technology, education, democracy and the Pure Spirit. [E.g. in education he is compelled to expand that education to all members of society, including invalids. Beyond the compulsion of life to enable greater culture is our direct conscious spiritual will to achieve based on spiritual values such as self-givingness, oneness, etc.. This is the approach of the future. -editor] (MSS)

Giving & Receiving a Gift

It is a fine thing to give another a gift, especially if it overcomes one's selfishness or it comes pure without expectation. It is a greater thing to receive it unexpectedly, in that it is life response to something that is giving inside you. 

Internet/Computer Supports/Expands Infinitely One's Service, Aspiration
Computer is such an innovation. Computer is an innovation that admits of endless innovations. The capacity of the computer makes difficult things easy, expensive things cheap.
 
Such innovations are announced very often. Hotmail was one such innovation. Someone had a big heart to offer people something essential for free. The result was Hotmail, which gave him the boon of $220 million when Microsoft purchased it from him.
 
All those who have a big heart that is generous can receive from the Internet such boons. This was not a possibility that existed before.
 
Even in traditional sectors, the Internet is capable of expanding existing operations. A man was selling second hand goods. He thought of using the Internet and called his site market place. It showed astronomical growth. In five years, he grew to a size of capturing the notice of giants. He sold his site to one of them for $225 million Euros. Maybe five years earlier he was not doing even half a million. Internet opens the heavens to human aspiration.
 
He who yearns for doing service will find his service reaching all the corners of the world when he resorts to the Internet. (MSS)

Selfishness to Selflessness, Ambition, Aspiration
Selfishness changing into selflessness will change ambition into aspiration. (MSS)

Results of Selfishness vs. Selflessness
Selflessness and selfishness express in attitudes of giving and taking. Physically they express as comfort or trouble for the other. A selfless man forging a contact with another makes that man’s life flower, while that of the selfish man results in catastrophes.

  

Selfishness and selflessness are attitudes in relationships. It is natural that each attitude has its own result. How does selflessness expand another’s life and selfishness bring catastrophes? It is a question of energy. A selfless touch pours energy into another and consequently the receiver blossoms. A selfish touch takes energy and makes the object shrink. Hence the loss for the person to be touched. (MSS)

 

Also See Entries on Selfishness, Stinginess

MSS Thoughts on Self-Givingness, Selflessness, Selfishness, Etc.

 

 

Miscellaneous
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The Ability of One's Consciousness to Flow Into Another

It is more likely for one's consciousness to flow into another person, when the first person acts from humility, politeness, eagerness to please, etc.

 

On Gaining Respect of Children
What ultimately gains the respect and affection of a child or even a pet animal is selfless attention, affection, and love. (For the pet it is mostly physical, for the child it can be vital (i.e. emotional) physical).

Acceptance and Responsiveness to Others

Learning to simply accept what others suggest all the time can become a "Yoga of Acceptance and Responsiveness." At least 50% of us could simply use this method alone (ignoring all others) to grow, develop, and evolve in life. It is said that this is especially true for men.

Problematic Issues that Arise Concerning the Impulse to Help Others
-When we genuinely wish to help another, the ego enters the picture in a subtle fashion and offers the help. We miss seeing it.
-It is an invariable rule in human relationships - with very rare exceptions - that the beneficiary never fails to offend the benefactor. Inside the family and close friends group, ALL the problems arise ONLY from this rule.
-If one does his duty pleasantly without fail within the limits of the other person’s good will, such an aberration is avoided.
-In intimate relationships, the idea of generosity is strong. One wants to give rather than take. Once it crosses the limits, the horrible rule I now described comes into operation. (MSS)

Goodwill for those who Harbour Ill Will
It is foolish impulse to help those one considers friends when they actually harbour intense ill will. Minor and major tragedies will only follow. (Paraphrase of MSS)

Interest in Another in Letter Writing
Writing letters is an important skill for people in important positions. One simple letter, short though it is, written thoughtfully with consummate resourcefulness, secured the Cadbury franchise for an unknown company. It rarely occurs to a person that he should write what the other man wishes to read, not what he thinks.

When such a letter is received, it generates a rare pleasure in the reader. The receiver is transformed and feels the writer is a great man.

A letter communicates a message. It can be done from the other man’s point of view, the work point of view or from the writer’s point of view. Some insist on saying, ’I want it to be done like this’. The egoistic emphasis sours the reader. It spoils the work or stalls it. It can be said passively as, ’It can be done like this’.

It is inoffensive, but does not please. The writer can be generous in going out of his way to acknowledge the endowment of the other person and say, “Your capacity to accomplish is well known.” It can be said in a given context factually, without unsavoury flattering.

To dwell on the work instead of on oneself or the other person is to be neutral and causes no harm. Even that can be done positively or negatively. We know as writers of letters, the urge to put down our point of view emphatically and underline that.

That, of course, is to be avoided. Nor is tactless flattery welcome. A fact, especially the fact of recognising the other man’s capacities or goodness, can be generously stated so that the reading of it will reveal the writer’s generosity of emotion. It will not savour of flattery.

People blossom inwardly when their true talents are genuinely seen and recognised. In their experience, they would not have met anyone who has so acknowledged their merits. More than the wording, the TONE matters, as it issues from the subconscious intention. (MSS)

The First Step of Divine Living
 The first step in divine living is conversion of Selfishness into Self-giving to the universal life. (MSS)

 

Ego vs. Non-Ego
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See Thoughts on Ego (vs. Non-Ego)

TO BE CATEGORIZED
 

 


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