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Growth Online		 Non-Complaining, Blaming
 		 Knowledge Base
by Roy Posner and MSS

On Complaining and Non-Complaining

-There is an urge in us to react and rail against those we perceive not working in the best interest of things. It is a false and an anti-spiritual as it is a movement of powerlessness, wanting vital urge, and our limited side of the truth.

-Acceptance and non-complaining in the face of others apparent wanting qualities is a spiritual movement that allows for the Wider Life to rectify difficulties, in its own time, on its own terms.

  

The Very Messy Work Area

Normally, when one spouse wants another to change a particular behavior, it comes in the form of a complaint. The trouble with that approach is that though there may a short-term positive result (and even that is doubtful), longer term, the desired effect is unlikely to come about. In fact, the situation is likely to worsen.

And so today with this in my mind, I decided not to complain about my partner's' very messy workspace that had been like that for nearly a week. Instead, I decided to simply ignore the situation. Later in the day, however, I was startled to discover that my friend completely cleaned up the mess, without a word from my lips. She then confided in me that she did so because she was tired of looking at it. Or to put it another way, when I stopped caring about the situation, she started to. It was another powerful little reminder of the life response power of non-complaining and self-restraint. 

 

Complaining Fails; Silence Succeeds

The more you complain, the more the object of your complaint (e.g. spouse, workmate, or boss) will disappoint. Complaining is therefore powerlessness. Silence on the other hand is strength that attracts the intended results. It is a spiritual law of life.

 

Non-Complaining is Silent Will that Attracts

Not complaining attracts the result one intended from that party. It is the miracle of life response in action. Non-complaint is actually a form of "Silent Will," which is to hold back from speaking one's intent, which invariably attracts that which we are after.

 

Life Responds Powerfully to Making Full Use of a Limited Resource

When you make a full, persevering effort with what little you have, life tends to take over and provide you with what is missing; often much more. E.g. one man's vacuum cleaner was no longer picking up dirt due to faulty suction in the main part. Rather than fretting, he used an awkward to operate side vent and tube to extract the filth. Though it was a very slow operation, he held back from complaining. A few moments later, a friend unexpectedly handed him a long-forgotten attachment to the machine. When he then connected the part, it picked up dirt far faster than the original method! He was overjoyed at the turn of events in this relatively small domestic situation.

The principle illustrated here is that when you make full use of a limited resource (and don't complain), life takes over and gives you what you hoped for, and much more.

Here is a more dramatic example: A manager and his people no longer had access to a critical resource for manufacturing their main products. For several days, the company's lifeblood and very existence was in danger. As a result, the manager asked his people to pick up every last morsel of that resource from the shop floor. Suddenly from out of nowhere they received word that a new supplier had come forward with abundant supplies of that scarce resource, relieving the company of its hardship.

It was another demonstration of how life tends to respond with good or great fortune to calmly and consciously utilizing whatever resource is at one's disposal. Maximizing a resource -- whether money, materials, or people -- is the surest way of attracting more of it, or other forms of abundance.

 

Life Response Power of Letting Others Be Themselves

When you allow people to be themselves -- without judging, insisting, reacting, or complaining -- positive conditions quickly present themselves. 

 

Railing Against Violence Attracts It

When you rail against those who have committed to mass violence by indicating that they deserve violence back to them, you quickly attract signs of or actual violence back to your person. Inner stillness and silence has the opposite effect.


TO BE CATEGORIZED
 

 

Non-Complaining

Power of Withholding Complaint

There can be great good that comes from NOT criticizing another who deserves criticism. It creates an energy, a vibration that moves out and compels the other person to confront the limitation and therefore to change. It occurs sooner or later. It also tends to allow for the right life conditions to emerge for that to happen.

Whether the person catches this energy in the atmosphere depends on the quality and power of the Silent Will effort of the "criticizer" (e.g. powerful consecration will aid greatly), the receptivity of the receiver, and other factors. By not criticizing, it builds up Silence-power in the atmosphere, as well as in us.

Imagine if your Silent Will of non-criticism effort compelled the other person to now be willing to discuss his limitations with you. He unexpectedly comes to you suddenly ready to discuss his issues. Now you can have rational conversations where you can be helpful to the confessor individual. Your vital urge to criticize in a non-productive or hostile way is more likely to be absent, leading to a productive and heartfelt conversation. The discussion will actually be helpful to BOTH sides, as you will see limitations in yourself in the peaceful or more rational exchange.

You see these sorts of dynamics in films all of the time. Sometimes the pressure is great and a person blurts out his criticism of another. It leads to conflict, yet can often be good in the longer term (as we see with Darcy and Eliza). But ours can be a different way that uses the power of Restraint to evoke the right time and conditions for the discussion that can progressively or even dramatically help overcome the defect of the other person.

It is another form of what Karmayogi calls Non-Reaction that has the tendency to attract the infinite from the finite; here at least at the psychological level. That change can then evoke further ripples for accomplishment, success, and personal growth.

It would be interesting to consider the events that might have occurred if Eliza held back her criticism of Darcy.

 

Acceptance and Non-Reaction Instead of Complaining that Attracts Good Fortune

When two sides complain about one another, each side is expressing a degree of Ego, i.e. self-aggrandizement, as well as their Ignorance (asserting one's limited, part knowledge, compared to the whole of the truth). And yet there is a degree of truth in each side's complaint that the other side can learn from. If they do, there is progress, and life responds with sudden good fortune for either or both parties. Another approach is to simply not react and remain still, rather than express the complaint. Here too life will respond, as the spiritual power of verbal and emotional Silence pays its life response dividend.

 

 

Non-Blaming

Example of Power of Not Blaming Others and Instead Taking Responsibility

Yesterday we had invited our friends, an American couple, who were leaving this country. My husband had to go with a friend to view a car and so I was left out with cleaning the house and cooking all alone. But the sincere apologies from my husband left me cool. It was 5'o clock and only then I started cooking, the guests too arrived. I was not satisfied with the cooking. But as usual I prayed to Mother, "please rectify all the defects, the half cooked peas in the pulav, the burnt smell in the kulfi ice cream."

When the dinner was over the guests were praising the food, and I told them, "sorry I should have cooked more dishes, but I didn't plan earlier and so I was late." Usually I would have blamed each; everyone from my husband to the cooker. But my change of not blaming anyone, but accepting and then confessing the mistake made the dinner tasty and the guests happy.

One more life response was my son -- who was suffering from food poison for the past two days and was not at all eating -- started eating from last night. The inner change within me to please the guests got a good life response. Surely the inner moves the outer. (Durga Karthik)

 

On Withholding Blame of Others

-When life bears down on us and exerts pressures, we can respond positively or negatively. Those who take responsibility rather than blame others, grow as individuals, and set the stage for positive response from life. On the other hand, those who blame others tend to suffer further negative consequences.

-Complaining about others, life is a false, anti-spiritual movement of powerlessness, wanting vital urge, and a limited, exclusive view of the truth of the matter.

-The more you complain, the more the object of your complaint (e.g. spouse, workmate, or boss) will disappoint.

-At each point you are ready to blame others, hold your tongue. Better still, take responsibility.

-One can remove complaint on a scale from banning blame on the outside, to eliminating blame in one's feelings; to overcoming it even as a mental thought. They are progressive forms of non-reaction.

-It is best for a manager never to blame an employee, but instead to get at the root cause of problem, and from that knowledge make the necessary change for improvement. (Having the attitude of learning from mistakes is a great one that we can all foster in our lives.)

-He who sees the speck in another's eye should remove the log inside his own is a well known spiritual insight. In other words, don't complain about, criticize others. Instead be humble and focus on changing your own wanting nature in that context. As a result, life will cooperate from all quarters, and you will grow as a person.

-Often when you complain about others, there is a corresponding negative quality inside yourself. E.g. if I am intolerant of my friend's lack of organization, it shows the limits of my nerves that cause me to be bothered by it. Therefore, it is an opportunity to investigate why I have this limited, intolerant nature. Making that effort will enable me to grow while evoking powerful positive response.

-Our own grievances towards others, our complaining about them is a sure sign of our own deficiencies.

-See problematic circumstances as a response to oneself and not lay blame.

-The ego despises failure and feels abused. It seeks to compensate by blaming others for its failure. Watch for and overcome that tendency.

-Ego is at the root of blame and not taking responsibility. Therefore, develop a more harmonic consciousness within, and you will be far less likely to blame, seeing instead the wider truth in things, including one's own responsibility in the matter.

-In Pride and Prejudice Darcy does not blame Wickham for the elopement, but instead takes responsibility and goes ahead and apprehends him, which has the life response effect of winning Eliza's love, providing the greatest happiness of his life.

-Every time you blame someone in your mind or actually, offer it to the Mother, so that tendency can cease forever.

 

 

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