Overcoming our Psychological
Weakness
If
we look back on our lives, and
consider our most difficult
moments, we will see that
psychological weakness was often
at the center of the problem.
Consider for a moment several
ways that we might express such
weakness:
-
A business
executive is afraid to stand
up to an abusive partner.
-
A wife is
afraid to speak up, fearing
the wrath of her husband.
-
A parent has
no control over his or her
children.
-
A business
owner does not make the
effort to collect money due,
fearful that he might lose
the customer’s future
business.
-
An
overbearing boss abuses a
shrinking subordinate.
-
A child is
unable to stand up to a
bully in the playground
Our inability to exercise our
psychological strength is one of
the great human failings in
life. It not only leads to
ongoing difficulties, but can
also lead to tragedy. For
example, we know that the
nations of Europe could not
muster the strength to stand up
to fascism when it was on the
rise before World War II,
leading to the death of over
sixty million people. In
Shakespeare’s Hamlet, we
see how the prince could not
marshal the strength to act,
even though he knew the identity
of his father’s killer. As a
result, he, and those he loved,
paid the ultimate price.
In
a similar fashion, we too have
paid the price along the way
because of our inability to be
strong. If we think back on our
lives, we can probably recall at
least one instance where we felt
helpless, vulnerable, and
powerless; or otherwise did not
have the strength to meet life’s
circumstances and conditions. As
a result, we suffered, and,
sometimes, others suffered as
well.
Hopefully, we have learned from
such experiences, and now
exhibit the toughness, courage,
and fortitude to stand up to
life. If not, then we are likely
to repeat the same mistakes,
even if they express in new
forms. For example, if in the
past you did not have the
strength to stand up to an
abusive boss, today you be under
the thumb of an abusive spouse
or relative.
One particularly interesting
observation I have had along the
way is that the very best of
people -- i.e. those who are
pleasant, considerate, generous,
and self-giving -- are sometimes
those who suffer the most. That
is the case because they have
never developed the necessary
inner strength to cope with the
pressures and vicissitudes of
life. Though their kindness,
sympathy, and benevolence have
created conditions for success,
their psychological weakness
have created openings to pain
and suffering.
Perhaps you have watched a film
where the mother of a criminal
cowers before her son’s violent
behavior. On the one hand, we
watch in sympathy as the loving
parent showers him with love and
affection, while, on the other,
we recoil at her inability to
stand up to her child’s ruthless
behavior. In this way, we see
that even selflessness,
self-givingness, and
unconditional love cannot stand
up to meanness, cruelty, and
brutality when inner strength
and toughness are missing. We
should remember that even Jesus
Christ himself -- who
represented ultimate Goodness
and offered the world
unconditional Love -- did not
have the strength to overcome
those who sought to destroy him.
Fortunately, that is not our
ultimate fate, for each of us
have the capacity to overcome
such psychological weakness and
replace it with inner strength.
If we understand the variety of
ways we express our
helplessness, powerlessness,
vulnerability, and other signs
of weakness in the past in the
past, and then take steps to
reversing ourselves in the
present, we will not improve our
chances for greater success and
happiness in life, but under the
right condition, we can evoke
unexpected powerful responses
from life.
A
software company in California
arranged with an agency to build
a prototype program for a third,
much larger company. The
software company worked for
months on the model, but
foolishly never agreed to
compensation, fearing that by
raising the issue, they would
jeopardize losing their
long-term involvement in the
project. After much hand
wringing, the owner finally
mustered the strength to discuss
compensation with the agent.
When he did so, not only did he
resolve the future status of the
project, but an excruciating
six-month neck pain suddenly
disappeared!
Standing up to a Partner
Over the years, I have witnessed
a number of dramatic life
responses that came as a result
of a shift from weakness to
strength. These powerful
responses crossed a wide
spectrum of human activity --
from the sports world, to the
world of politics and business.
For example, in sports I
have seen instances in which a
weak coach was forced to take a
tough stand, which not only
resolved the immediate problem,
but also attracted sudden good
fortune thereafter -- such as
the sudden availability of a
very talented player from
another team, or the sudden and
unexpected demise of a
competitor. Likewise, I have
seen situations where public
leaders have had to marshal
new levels of inner strength
that not only helped resolve an
immediate concern, but also
attracted a wave of good luck --
such as the freeing up of an
important bill that had been
stuck in Congress, or new
sources of money unexpectedly
flowing into state coffers. I
have also seen the same
phenomenon in business,
where executives have to
make tough decisions that not
only resolved an immediate
concern, but also attracted a
spate of luck -- such as the
sudden arrival of a big sale
after months of inertia, or the
unexpected release of a new
product when everyone doubted it
would ever come to market.
A
friend of ours who runs a $17
million chain of retail stores
in Canada had a partner, who was
difficult, outspoken, and crude.
Though our friend -- the “good”
partner -- was conscientious,
well mannered, and civil, he
sometimes lacked a certain inner
toughness, which could be
readily seen in the way he
cowered before his difficult,
though strong partner. One day
our friend realized that what he
himself lacked, the partner had
in spades -- strength. The
partner had the strength to act,
the strength to stand up to
adversity, and the strength to
take control. So our friend
decided that he too would like
to become strong. And so he
began to examine his attitudes,
and then made the commitment to
overcome his weak tendencies. In
fact, the very first action he
took was to stand up to his
partner! As a result, not only
did the partner immediately stop
his offensive behavior, but he
began to actually cower before
our once-weak friend! In
addition, a flood of good news
poured into the company
thereafter, including an
unexpected surge in sales
orders, as well as a big
increase in the energy level and
enthusiasm of the staff!
Heroes & Villains
Because we know that
psychological strength is so
critical for successful living,
it would be helpful to observe
it from as many angles and
perspectives as possible.
Interestingly, one of the best
ways to observe inner strength
is to study the behaviors and
actions of ruthless people! If
you examine the lives of some of
the most notorious brutes,
criminals, and scoundrels in
history, you will notice how
they demonstrate an innate
capacity to exercise
psychological strength. Though
that power is more than offset
by their despicable aims, we can
learn to discriminate between
their strength, and their false
and evil intent. For example,
take any villain in a film or a
novel or in history, and watch
how they exercise their
strength. Notice their
fortitude, their perseverance,
their toughness, their
willingness to act at all costs
to pursue their aspirations and
goals. Notice how their will,
drive, determination, and
persistence enable them to
overcome many of the obstacles
that come their way. Even as we
reject their ruthlessness, their
brutality, their mercenary ways,
their heinous aspirations and
motives, we can still learn from
their demonstration of will,
power, and fortitude, as they
try to navigate through the
vicissitudes of life.
Another way to observe strength
in action is to examine
individuals who have made the
transition from out of
weakness. One way to do this is
to observe people in the public
eye. I am sure we have all
watched a famous movie or pop
star fall on difficult times,
only to summon the strength that
gets them back to the top.
Likewise, some of us have seen
how sports figures summon the
strength to return from serious
injury, or demotion, or from
drug and alcohol abuse. Finally,
we may have observed public
leaders overcome a particular
weakness, enabling them to
prevail over challenging
circumstances.
In
addition to observing people
around us -- such as friends,
associates, or individuals in
the public spotlight -- we can
also observe famous people in
history, or interesting
characters in literature who
have either demonstrated their
inherent capacity for strength,
or have had to make a difficult,
even wrenching transition from
out of weakness to exercise it.
Perhaps there is no greater
example of such “intestinal
fortitude” than that exhibited
by the great Winston Churchill
in the years leading up to and
during World War II. In
observing his life, we see how
one man’s determination to
pursue the truth awakens the
disinterested peoples of Europe
to the real threat of fascism.
His unique combination of
intellect and toughness not only
brought the peoples of the
continent over to his point of
view, but also served to unite
them in their struggle during
the war to overcome the enemy.
It was from that grit and
determination that Churchill
earned the nickname “old bloods
and guts.”
Another example of the exercise
of strength in history can be
seen in the life of Martin
Luther, who in the 16th
century summoned up all his
strength to overcome the
oppressive tactics of the
Church. Not only did he succeed
in that goal -- forever allowing
individuals to worship as they
chose without church
interference -- but it also
sowed the seeds of democracy
that would spread throughout
Europe a century later.
Elizabeth the Queen
Then there are the extremely
inspiring stories of individuals
who have had to make the
difficult transition out of
weakness, often in the face of
tremendously difficult
circumstances.
There is perhaps no better
example of a transition from
weakness to strength than the
extraordinary experiences of
Queen Elizabeth I in 16th
century England. History tells
us that Elizabeth was the
daughter of King Henry VIII and
Anne Boleyn, the second of
Henry’s six wives. When
Elizabeth was only two years
old, her father ordered the
beheading of her mother. When
Henry died, his son, the
nine-year-old Edward, who was
Elizabeth’s half-brother,
succeeded him. After Edward
died, six short years later,
Elizabeth's half-sister Mary
became queen of England. Mary,
who was Catholic, earned the
name ‘Bloody Mary’ for her
persecution of Protestants
during her reign. Because
Elizabeth was Protestant, and
because Mary feared Elizabeth
might plot against her life,
Elizabeth was held in prison
throughout most of Mary's reign.
However, in the end, Mary
reluctantly accepted Elizabeth’s
right to the throne, and after
the queen died, the very young
Elizabeth ascended the throne of
England.
Unfortunately, just at the time
Elizabeth took the reigns,
society was being torn apart by
the conflict between the
Catholics and the Protestants.
With each side seeking to win
favor from the young queen --
often accompanied by threats of
retribution if she did not bend
in their direction -- each day
Elizabeth lived in fear that her
regime would topple, and, worse,
that she herself would be
killed.
As
portrayed in the film
Elizabeth (1998), one day
Elizabeth calls a meeting of the
leaders of the two religious
groups in an attempt to
negotiate a settlement. Though
feeling weak and in a precarious
position, Elizabeth began the
meeting by making the bold
statement that no group had an
exclusive claim on God. Gasps
and shouts of “outrage” and
“heresy” could be heard
throughout the chamber. And yet,
instead of cowering under the
weight of these accusations and
threats, Elizabeth marshaled the
strength and courage to continue
her presentation. She then went
on to argue that that all sides
had to work together for
the sake of the people
of England. In fact, she
insisted on that point; that
as representative of the
people’s interests, it was her
duty to bring the two
conflicting parties to a
settlement.
Quieted by her persuasive
arguments, as well as her
unexpected forcefulness and show
of strength, both sides did
in the end come around to her
point of view -- with a majority
voting to support her proposal
for a common English church.
This was in fact one of the
great turning points in English
history, as it harmonized and
absorbed the conflicting
non-secular interests,
strengthened the central
authority of the monarchy,
subdued and weakened the power
of the church, and increased
the power of the people to
determine the destiny of their
government.
Still, despite Elizabeth’s
considerable achievement, dark
forces continued to gather
around her. For one, the Papacy
in Rome was very displeased by
her actions, and, at one point,
allegedly sent an emissary to
have her killed. Though the plot
was foiled, Elizabeth’s problems
continued -- as members of her
own cabinet had now begun to
plot against her. Elizabeth’s
life was still in danger; in
fact, she was now threatened
from nearly every quarter. With
the circle of malice tightening
around her, she knew that
something had to be done. And
so, she searched deep within
herself for a solution. Then
drawing on an unknown inner
strength, Elizabeth came to the
one and only conclusion that she
could come to considering her
current circumstance. Making
perhaps the most important
decision of her life until that
point, she ordered her enemies
arrested or killed.
Not unlike what Krishna demanded
of Arjuna at the battle of
Kurukshetra in the Indian epic
the Mahabharata,
Elizabeth did what had to be
done -- what was right and just,
despite its sometimes
difficult
nature. As a result of
her action, not only did she
establish security around her,
but she also created the solid
conditions that would enable her
to reign for forty years.
Because she overcame her
weakness and exercised her
strength, not only did she solve
the current crisis, but in the
years that followed, life also
afforded her the opportunity to
express all of her innate
talents and capacities during a
period that would come to be
known as the Golden Age of
England.
In
all of these situations, we see
the vast results that come when
we move from weakness to
psychological strength. Any
attempt to do so, will not only
bring about the higher levels of
accomplishment and success that
one might expect, but can also
under the right conditions evoke
magnificent responses from life!
