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Growth Online

Love (human to divine)

Knowledge Base

by Roy Posner and MSS

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"True Love gives. It cannot take. It can only give."

 

Introduction Human Love of Partner featured Also see: Family, Marriage True Love Towards Anyone Love of the Divine The Divine's Own Love Romance of Life (i.e. Life of Adventure) Friendship

 

Introduction
(top)

'To live, to love are signs of infinite things,
Love is a glory from eternity's sphere.'

'Love dwells in us like an unopened flower
Awaiting a rapid movement of the soul'

-from Savitri, the epic poem by Sri Aurobindo

Levels of Love

Levels of Human Love
We can distinguish between various types of human love. Attachment and sexuality, love of a partner, pure human love, and divine love. It is on a continuum from lower to higher consciousness and from denser to more subtle substance.

Human to Divine Love
Human love of partner is the ordinary love we see between two individuals. It is special but more often than not fleeting or unfulfilling. True human love of partner (i.e. true romantic love) is a very special form, a rarer form of love for the partner. It is the linking of souls. Few have it because we are satisfied with lesser love. It is marked by romance, i.e. romance of life. True love of anyone is selfless giving without any expectation in return. It is beyond any form of human love, including human true love. It is spiritual in nature as it is in essence a movement from soul to (any) soul. The highest love of all is the love and surrender to the Divine Spirit itself. Self-giving to the Divine opens us up to the infinite potential of life, and ultimate Joy and Delight of being. It is a path that enables a vast leap in our evolutionary possibilities.

Levels of Love at Four Planes
Every idea expresses through related ideas that offer shadings of it at the physical, vital, mental, and spiritual levels. Take the notion of love. At the physical level it is pure attachment. At the vital level it is intensity of need and desire. At the mental level it is admiration for another's character or ideal. At the spiritual level, it is pure self-givingness. As we see when we move up the scale there is a reversal from taking to giving.

Romantic Relationships and Personal Growth
The widest scope for personal progress in life occurs through our romantic relationships. Conflicts and contradictions there afford us the opportunity to overcome limitations within, and thereby grow. Such progress also occurs through the positive side of these relationships.

 

Spiritual Nature, Origins of Love

The Nature of Love

Love originates in the Original Unmanifest Infinite Consciousness, along with other attributes, including Silence/Witness, Knowledge/Wisdom/Truth, Creativity, Oneness, Infinity, Eternity, Beauty, and Delight, and manifests in its various forms in the Manifest universe.

 

Love As Vibration of the Spirit

Love is a vibration of the Spirit, just as Harmony, True Knowledge, Beauty, Delight, Infinity, and Timelessness are.

 

Spiritual Nature, Origins of Love

-Love is spiritual in origin.

-Love is the ultimate vibration of the universe.

-Love exists in the Unmanifest as well as the Manifest.

-In the Unmanifest it is one of the original cosmic determinants issuing out of Delight (Ananda).

-Love's pure spiritual form is the highest form.

-Love exists in the Manifest from vital possessiveness to romantic love to true love of anyone to love of the Divine.

-We are capable of getting in touch with the higher, spiritual forms of love.

-Human love is a form of divine love, though devoid of many of its higher aspects

-Pure Love -- i.e. Love -- is beyond Human Love, though human love can rise to that pure, divine Love.

-Pure 'Love' is a vibration of the soul. It is the soul communing with other souls.

-True Romantic Love has this psychic/soul element.

-Pure Love for anyone has this psychic/soul element in full.

-Love of he Divine is a higher Love still. The Divine's Love is the greatest of all Loves, as it is the original vibration of Love.

-Human Love is a mixture of higher and lower elements. It indicates the vital aspects that have not risen to their higher nature. Yet human love can evolve to its higher form.

-Human love, including romantic love, love of family is mostly selfish.

-Selfish human love can rise to a higher love, that has the psychic/soul element, and is the experience of soul communing with soul. Even romantic love can rise to this level.

-In the evolution of the universe, there is a movement from lower love to higher love.

-As we evolve towards higher love, we move towards the highest spiritual Love of the Creator that was that was the source of the universe.

-In the involution of the cosmos from the Divine Source, there was a lessening of consciousness, and hence a reduction in pure Love. In the evolution we reverse that.

 

On Various Forms of Love
Love is of the Spirit.
Spirit emerging through ananda catching the soul is love,
Spirit-Mind-Vital-body are the grades.
Body seeks relief in physical relationship.
As soon as relief is there, body forgets.
Vital seeks relationship, enjoys relationship, feels expansive
Seeks the fulfillment in physical relationship.
When relief is there, it does not forget, it loves the relationship.
Vital relationship can be given by anyone. It is not particular.
Anyone can replace the beloved. He will be (or she) equally enjoyable.
Mind is idealistic. It idolises the person.
The person is not replaceable. Mental loyalty is not transferable.
It never seeks physical relationship until and unless the vital is assured
formalities and ceremonies are over,
Even then for a Mental idealism physical relationship is not so much
a consummation as a concession to child bearing.
What enjoys is the Mind, what energises is the vital, the physical
proximity is ennobling.
Spirit is still higher. It comes as Love to the Soul via Ananda.
It is a relationship of spiritual purity and thus powerful.
Its mental idealism is almost worship.
Its vital relationship is as intense as physical relationship.
The actual physical relationship is distasteful or even disgusting.
Only when the Spirit is available from both sides it matures.
Even in the Spirit there are grades
At the topmost level should both find themselves, physical relationship is that
of God enjoying Man. (MSS)

 

 

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Human Love of Partner
(top)

 

The Experience of Love What One Seeks in a Partner Attracting the Right Partner Problems in Love Partner Relationships Love Loses Itself to Realities of Life Selfishness & Blindness of Human Love Love and Hate Betrayal in Love True Love, Romance  featured Ultimate Personal Growth through the Complementary Partner featured Love Relationship and Spiritual Realization Love and Life Response  featured Also see: Marriage | Family

 

The Experience of Love

The Present Moment of Live
A heart that loves cannot think of the future because the Present Moment of Love has compressed eternity into it. (MSS)

 

Being in Love
When all parts in a man simultaneously open up and are caught up in a MOMENT that is irresistible, he is in love. (MSS)

 

Vibration of Love
Those who have had a vibration of love, especially if it had an occasion to surface, will always remember that moment and cherish it. (MSS)

Human Love
Human love is celebrated over the ages. One cannot see a famous film or read a popular novel without the theme of love. Man longs for that. The heart yearns for it. If only that is granted, it gives the pride of life, says a great poet.

Woman Completes Man
Woman completes Man; she completes him in all dimensions to become full. The pretty woman does so before marriage; the good woman after marriage. The complete woman creates light, joy and delight in the complete man.

Romantic Relationships and Personal Growth
The widest scope for personal progress in life occurs through our romantic relationships. Conflicts and contradictions there afford us the opportunity to overcome limitations within, and thereby grow. Such progress also occurs through the positive side of these relationships.

Unlimited, Free, Customized  Expert Relationship Advice (a Growth Online offer) many of the thoughts you are reading on this page come from the Romance Eternal site

Romance of Love
Boys and girls fall in love. Often the parents disapprove of it justifiably. One who has once fallen in love himself will have no heart to dissuade his child from such a course. Worldly wisdom raises the question of a happy future. A heart that loves cannot think of the future because the Present Moment of Love has compressed eternity into it. The emotion of Love can be lived. Whether it is fulfilled or denied fulfilment, it cannot be analysed or argued and win its case in the court of rationality. Man's being has mental, vital, physical, spiritual and psychic parts.

Mind responds to the form of beauty, the elegance of youth. The vital irresistibly gives in to the pull of attraction, usually called vital attraction. Physical nearness, the immediate proximity compels attraction. The Spirit does not so easily move. If it ever moves, man does not think or question. He is already behind the woman as Rishyasringar was. The psychic includes all the parts and is ready to open to a FULL counterpart. Alexandre Dumas says when a woman, who is not otherwise attractive, puts a particular clip in her hair at a particular slant, she becomes one whom very few men can resist. It is a typical vital attraction. Discussing a similar phenomenon, Tagore speaks of the flowing end of her sari that wafts his heart along with it. Have you ever loved? Have you ever lost a child? are questions asked when people of life experience try to persuade someone in love or someone in distress.

A tree grows for some years, bears fruit for several years and goes dry. The human being is an organism that develops different parts of its being, feels a partial, powerful attraction at some time, gets it or fails to get it, and lives the rest of its life waiting for dissolution. When one part opens in youth and its imagination is captured by another person, it pines for it forever. It does not learn to forget it. When all parts in a man simultaneously open up and are caught up in a MOMENT that is irresistible, he is in love. He either gets it or loses himself. There is no gainsaying it. It is not in him to turn from the course or retract. Retraction is like making a river flow backwards. It becomes ROMANCE eternal when he who opens up fully in all his parts meets with another of similar disposition. Shakespeare called it 'love at first sight'. Dante felt it for Beatrice even after she had married another and bore nine children. The result of his romantic passion was the Vision of Dante, the Italian epic poem. To be in love is to be blessed. It is not to be considered in the social context of welfare or well being. Success in love is fulfilment of that emotion. The plant of Man grew up to that point for that fulfilment. Beyond that, he bides his time waiting for the final departure. That which thinks is NOT love. Love loves, does not think. (MSS)

Initial Intensity of Love Can Be Sustained, but at a Higher Level of Consciousness
The experience of ecstatic delight during the initial phase of infatuation is the highest and truest expression of human potential -- no matter how ignorantly it is understood or childishly it is responded to -- because it comes from a deeper spiritual opening and a descent of bliss when the mind and ego are brushed aside by a momentary impulse toward adventurous self-giving and self-forgetfulness when we come face to face with a person who is our spiritual complement. It is undoubtedly true that this experience never lasts long and it very rarely returns again, but that does not mean it cannot last longer and cannot return over and over again, gradually elevating the entire level of relationship and of life itself into a marvelous adventure of spiritual romance. That is the possibility that our site points toward and our goal is to provide practical guidance to people who aspire to experience it for themselves. (MSS)

Keys to Lasting Marriage, Love Relationships
Not to try to change, to dominate, to complain about one's partner; and to listen, support, and in general to create harmony between the two of you are keys to lasting love relationships, including marriage.

Keys to Elevating a Love Relationship
NEVER REACT, NEVER COMPLAIN, don't try to change that person; INCREASE HARMONY wherever possible; appreciate differences; move from purely physical or vital relationship to one of (in ascending order) affection, admiration, and adoration. Take the other person's point of view. Do something out of the ordinary, romantic. If you are willing to do anything for that person, not expecting anything in return, it is sure sign of True Love.

 

What One Seeks in a Partner

Reasons for Love
One may seek merely physical fulfillment, or emotional fulfillment, or mental fulfillment, or spiritual fulfillment in love, or any combination thereof. The higher the plane, the greater the form of love. Also, the greater the intensity, the more bond of love.

Love, however, as normally practiced is usually mostly vital in its nature, which is the center of need, want, desire, feeling, emotion, shared intensity, etc., though it can include the need for physical stability or attachment, physical sexuality, plus shared interests and concerns at the vital/mental level. The potential for spiritual-oriented love between partners is there, though it is exceedingly rare. The varieties and combinations of love basis are endless. As society evolves, these will evolve as well.

Human Love of Partner
Human love of partner is the ordinary love we see between two individuals.

Biological Mating vs. Romance
The biological mating in which stench and strength are factors grows sophisticated when beauty rises to become one aspect. Its purpose is to get the male to walk into marriage. It is functional. Romance is what man has made for his own self. (MSS)

Discovering A Person Commensurate With One's Need to Grow
What is best for a man (or woman) is a partner that represents the next stage of his development, not the past, or even the present stage. (Often the subconscious knows this distinction better than the conscious.)

Love & Marriage of People at Comparable Plane
I spoke of four levels, two on the surface and two in the depth. They can be called levels 1, 2, 3 and 4 for convenience. Those persons in level 1 are in the surface of the surface mind, those in 2 are in the depth of the surface, those in 3 are in the shallow depth or the surface of the depth and those in 4 are in the depth of the deep-seated Mind.

When people in one level fall in love with people in the same level, life is smooth, their aspirations are fulfilled to rounded perfection. They are the successful marriages socially as well as psychologically. If both are serious, they are sedately happy. If both are silly, they find extreme happiness in silly pleasures, but they are happy. If people in one level fall in love with people in other levels, apart from the social problems they encounter, they meet with inner psychological obstacles. (MSS)

Love that is Really Passion of a Phobia that Life Did Not Reward Can Be Overcome by Spirit
Raoul was the son of Duke Athos. He was born outside wedlock to an unmarried Duchess. Athos managed to take his lover from France to Italy where the son was born. He took his son to his dukedom and centred his entire life on the son's joy. The son was ignorant of the circumstances of his birth.

Raoul passionately fell in love with Louise, the daughter of a neighbouring nobleman. Louise later became one of the twelve ladies in attendance on the King's brother's wife. Louise was Raoul's all. He lived for her, lived in her. There was no Raoul without Louise. Raoul too entered the Royal service. Louise loved him, but not as passionately as he loved her. Now the king directed his own royal attention to Louise to which she happily responded. Coming to know of this development, Raoul was heartbroken. To forget himself, he joined the army, and volunteered to go to the battlefront. There he walked into the arms of danger and was killed at a very early age.

His love was a passion. It was a noble sentiment. The girl returned his love, though not an intensely as he loved. Life, instead of honouring his sentiments and consummating his love in matrimony presented a rival in the person of the King. What could a poor mortal do against a Royal Rival? Raoul's tragedy was not so much the Royal Rival as Louise's happily changing to the King from Raoul. That broke his heart.

Life is cruel, but life acts according to its own rules. It is true Raoul's love was one of intense passion, but it was not so much the passion of his heart as the emotion of his complex, that he was motherless. He did not know his mother was a misfortune of his life. That complex turned into a passion for Louise. Raoul's passion did not spring from the purest sources of love, man's love for a woman. For this reason, life chose not to consummate it but divert it, disappointing Raoul.

We call such occurrences destiny or fate. The laws of life on such occasions are inexorable. Not so with The Mother. A devotee of The Mother in such a predicament need not become a victim to his own complex which we call karma. Devotion to [the Divine] Mother dissolves the complex, takes his emotions to the origins of his Personality where he discovers his own depths of love. Karma will be wiped out by Mother's Force, if he accepts Mother at that depth. Then the complex-ridden passion can change into human emotion of the size of his Personality.

If his own heart is capable of Love, Love emanates from it. The Royal Rival is formidable to face.

The Divine changes the circumstances and the heart is rewarded with what it truly deserves. Once you come to Mother, no obstacle is too great to overcome. Even Royalty is no bar. (MSS, adjusted)

On Various Forms of Love
Love is of the Spirit.
Spirit emerging through ananda catching the soul is love,
Spirit-Mind-Vital-body are the grades.
Body seeks relief in physical relationship.
As soon as relief is there, body forgets.
Vital seeks relationship, enjoys relationship, feels expansive
Seeks the fulfillment in physical relationship.
When relief is there, it does not forget, it loves the relationship.
Vital relationship can be given by anyone. It is not particular.
Anyone can replace the beloved. He will be (or she) equally enjoyable.
Mind is idealistic. It idolises the person.
The person is not replaceable. Mental loyalty is not transferable.
It never seeks physical relationship until and unless the vital is assured
formalities and ceremonies are over,
Even then for a Mental idealism physical relationship is not so much
a consummation as a concession to child bearing.
What enjoys is the Mind, what energises is the vital, the physical
proximity is ennobling.
Spirit is still higher. It comes as Love to the Soul via Ananda.
It is a relationship of spiritual purity and thus powerful.
Its mental idealism is almost worship.
Its vital relationship is as intense as physical relationship.
The actual physical relationship is distasteful or even disgusting.
Only when the Spirit is available from both sides it matures.
Even in the Spirit there are grades
At the topmost level should both find themselves, physical relationship is that
of God enjoying Man. (MSS)

 

Problems in Love Partner Relationships

Types of Man-Woman Relationship Problems

• Ego assertion

• Insensitive to the other

• Oblivious to the truth of things

• Not enough time to put in relationship

• Neglect

• Incompatibility

• Dishonesty

• Assuming things that may not be true

• Impatience in initiating relationship

• Ignorant of another's true feelings

• Over domination

• Lack of strength

• Quiet resentment

• Sexual incompatibility

• Lack of attraction

• Lack of love

• Unwarranted trust

• Elicit affairs

• Improper distribution of duties

• Lack of organization

• Lack of common goals, view of their future

• Money issues

• Listening deficiency

• Reluctance to suggestions, advice

• Lack of common interests

• Lack of common values

• Other suitors

• Lack of, too much shown emotion, affection

• Selfishness

• Sarcasm, bitterness

• Instability, directionless, etc.  in one's work

• Jealousy

• Alcohol, drug, gambling, etc. addiction

• Conflict between work and relationship

• Not enough time for relationship

• Not enough romantic pursuits, getaways, etc.

• Conflict caused by family influences

• Roughness towards other

• Complacency in relationship

• Boredom

• Lack of spark

• Over-intensity

• Long distance relationship

• Promiscuousness

• Children, parent issues

• Partner spends too much time with friends

• Conflict over TV, computer, etc. use

• Lack of trust

• Inability to commit

• Unreliability

• Relationship in limbo

• Unrealistic expectations

• Misreading the other person

• Insincerity in relationship

• Illness

• Deceit

• Feeling of Insecurity

• Need for privacy (e.g. late teens)

• Love for another's wife or husband

• Infidelity

• Maintaining one's looks

• Sharing the bills

• Divorce proceedings

• Lack of energy, fatigue

• Confined space

• Criminal behavior

• Wastefulness

• Unemployment

• Overeating, overweight

• Slovenly, messy, unclean

• Stingy, spend-thrift

• Incompatibility (e.g. in arranged marriage)

• Impracticality (of decisions, actions, accommodations, etc.)

• Overreliance on other

• Domestic violence

• Over attachment

• Over dependence

• Rival suitor, lover

Keys to Lasting Marriage, Love Relationships
Not to try to change, to dominate, to complain about one's partner; and to listen, support, and in general to create harmony between the two of you are keys to lasting love relationships, including marriage.

Untitled
Women are totally sensitive to a Man's interest in another woman. (MSS)

 

Love Loses Itself to Realities of Life

Life is Stronger than Human Love
We see the phenomenon that life [as in life's circumstances, the requirements of marriage, having children, etc. - editor] is stronger than love. Spiritually, love is always stronger than life. Here the person is unable to offer either the seriousness or intensity required of love. Hence it is overcome by the passage of time. The person wears out, not life. (MSS)

Normal Love Loses Itself to Life
Love, if successful, leads to life, which as a rule has a self-affirmation of hard realities of basic necessities, psychological co-existence and, on occasions, mental approval.

Love does not survive these demands. (MSS)

Romance Ends with Marriage
Romance, however intense or long, ends with marriage is the human experience. ... Marriages last because of social compulsion, particularly because of children. Romance vanishes into thin air. (MSS)

Love vs. Marriage
You have made a valid and essential distinction between love and marriage. Love is a psychological condition of deep emotional attraction to another person. Marriage is a social arrangement which may or may not be supported by shared emotion. The two are often confused but distinctly difference. Love can lead to marriage, in which case it often disappears. Marriage can and often does exist without love, but in rare instances can mature into a deep abiding love. Friendship, familiarity, acceptance of the other person, enjoying their company, security, sense of belonging come through marriage, but none of them are essential or sufficient for love. (MSS)

End of Romance and Marriage
Romance is said to die when it is organised into marriage. What dies is not Romance, it is the dead organisation that gives life to its death.

Untitled
Love never survives the touch of earth, however essential it may appear to us. (MSS) 

Also see thoughts on family and marriage

 

Selfishness & Blindness of Human Love

Human Love
Human love is selfish. It can turn into hatred and enmity. We hear occasionally of life long friendship turning sour and bitter. (MSS)

Selfishness of Human Love
Mother says human love is full of selfishness. Friendship, trust, confidence, good will, goodness, and affection are rare. (MSS)

On Human Love that is Blind
One would love to be blind if only Love lasts. Behind this idea of blindness lies a philosophical truth. Love is the pure celestial emotion for the Beloved. Sadhaks writing to Sri Aurobindo about love or divine love got a reply saying divine love is love for the Divine. Man extols the idea of his love for the woman and desires to raise it to the divine status. Sri Aurobindo quickly disenchanted the writer about his illusion. He even asked one correspondent if it was an application for marriage. The romantic youth idolises his beloved. To him, love is a sacred word symbolising his emotion for the object of his love. He would see her perfect, and would not listen to any information to the contrary. Even when she is abusive, coarse, her true nature refuses to make a dent in his armour. What is known to youth as love has several grades - passion, infatuation, intoxication, illusion, charm, attraction, all of which qualify to be blind.

Passion has three or four versions. Physical passion such as Romeo's egged him on to climb into the chambers of Juliet, during which process he was oblivious. Romeo was possessed by a passionate energy and he was under its spell. The varieties of human nature permit a mixture of the noblest emotion of the heart with the strongest urges of the body. Passion can be physical, vital, mental and spiritual. All the above variations of love listed exist at all these four levels. When we say Love is Blind, we mean Love renders the lover blind during the spell. He is disenchanted when the spell ends. In the imagination of an ardent youth earnestly in love, it is not an emotion that admits of disillusionment. To him, during the SPELL, love is eternal, whether it is pure love or infatuation.

While he is attracted to his object of love, he is blind, not because he refuses to see the defects, but to him no defect can be there in her. It is a blissful mental state. What is in love is one's personality commonly known as ego. Ego sees what it wants to see, not what is there. Sri Aurobindo says ego is of the Infinite. We refer to ego as self, and the Infinite in us as Self. The self is blind, but the Self that sees into the past as well as future sees in the other the self-same SELF in which there is no defect. This truth is highlighted by the Upanishads as 'all is in each and each is in all'. The Divine perfection of flawless Self of the other comes to Man as the capacity to be Blind to the defects of the beloved during the spell of charm. Every human action, emotion, thought, or movement has its divine counterpart. Man sees them as inverted. Love is the most attractive emotion to the youth's exuberance. It loves to be Blind in its love. (MSS)

 

Love and Hate

Rising Out of Hate
The love that issues out of attraction is also capable of rising out of hate of the opposite. (MSS)

Love and Hate; Fear and Its Opposite
-Hate is love inverted.
-When hate is given up, love blossoms.
-In literature and film we see animosity and hate between two individuals blossom into unfettered love.
-There is a similar relationship between fear and its opposite, such as affection, engagement, and attraction. E.g. when fear is overcome that individual becomes particularly affectionate. It is there in animals, such as cats towards its owner who has helped it out of fear.

Love Changing to Hate
Love does turn into hate when the situations change, but only within ego and not outside. (MSS)

The True Nature of and Resolution of Love and Hate and All Contradictions
Love and Hate are at bottom the same thing. At the centre there is the same substance in both, it is the obverse and reverse of the same stuff. It is a vibration; it is a unique vibration, a vibration of extreme intensity, of extreme intimacy. At the centre, there is this one single movement although at the periphery it becomes different, even contradictory. As the movement starts from the centre, and proceeds outward it differentiates itself, becomes more and more different, contrary, even contradictory to what it was at its origin.

Human love and human hatred are both perversions, falsified expressions of another truth behind. It is human ignorance and prejudice that appreciates one and deprecates the other. Yet both have the same root, the flowering of the same seed or it is somewhat like the two opposite kinds of electricity -- positive and negative. The two charges have opposite signs but they attract each other and although in the expression and action they are contradictory, they are both charges of electrical energy and therefore substantially they are one and the same.

We may extend this viewpoint and find the resolution of all contrariness and contradictoriness. Paradoxically one may say then all contradictions are an apparent illusion, all contradictions naturally and inevitably mean an inmost unity and identity. Even so the Brahman and the world or the Purusha and the Prakriti are apparent negations to each other, the duality is in the ordinary ignorant consciousness, but the two are one in the supreme indivisible consciousness. (The Mother)

Love and Hate as Yogic Vision
To see intense love in utter hatred is yogic vision. (MSS)

Hate that Blocks Love
As long as hate is there in any form or in any measure, Love has no chance of being born in that heart. (MSS)

 

Betrayal in Love

Betrayal in Love Can Be Discovered in Our Own Falsehood Which Spirit Can Avoid
A lady marries for love having experienced that evanescent emotion that elevates one to rarefied heights. After a time, she discovers that it was love on her part and ordinary marriage on the part of the husband. The disenchantment grows into disillusion when she hears out of his mouth that his motive was her dowry. Sometimes she also finds out he was not faithful to her or to her emotion for him. She discovers the truth in the saying that the rosy path leads to a nasty end. Most take the realities of life in the stride of age. Some take it to heart and only that becomes a reality of life for the rest of her life. It is true Sri Aurobindo has a solution, even for this eternal curse of a yearning heart. He says the betrayal is not in the other person, but in us. Contradictions are complements, obstacles are opportunities. This is old wisdom that reveals its forceful truth after a time. But, how can a man condone infidelity in a beloved? Does Sri Aurobindo offer any feasible solution that a loving heart can accept without rankling?

The Divine Mother says She does not give us the occasion to lie when we decide not to lie. Its abundant truth is the abiding experience of all who turn away from falsehood. She not only exhorts us to be true, but practically supports us in our endeavour by changing the very atmosphere. Here in the occasion of another's betrayal, if we try not to look into the merits or demerits of the individual case, but try to understand the idea that there is no evil, wrong, error, mistake, or falsehood in the world except what we SEE from inside our ego, The Mother changes everything right. News comes to us contrary to our previous convictions.

The power lies in our accepting The Mother, our willingness to look into our own contribution to the problem. The rule that without a corresponding act on our part no one can do us wrong is an ultimate LAW. Understanding it dissolves our part. With it, the part of the other too DISSOLVES. (MSS, modified somewhat)

[INTERPRETATION: We are betrayed because in the beginning we didn't perceive the original truth of the situation, the person that enabled it to occur. Had we done so, we could have avoided it. When we come to the higher consciousness and Spirit we are more intuitively aware of such realities to begin with, enabling us to avoid them. Coming to the spirit, the atmosphere is also too positive too allow such things to take place independent of our awareness. Even without this, living in the lower normal consciousness, we can learn from the experience, and see the good that came out of it. Also, we see that the good that comes out of it, only comes through the association with that individual. (This is contradictions are complementaries.) -the editor]

 

Infatuation

Infatuation vs. Love
Infatuation is impulse, urgent, excited, unable to restrain itself. It is filled with overwhelming need, desire and painful longing to take and possess. Love is calm, rich, full, emotionally overflowing joy of rich feeling. Even the thought of the beloved in their absence fills the heart with happy joy like a beautiful picture pleases the mental senses. Infatuation can be hurt, angry, resentful, lonely, needy almost like an addiction. Love is strong, expansive, positive, cheerful, self-sustaining and self-fulfilling. Between these two extremes all shades and variations and admixtures are possible because human personality is so complex that it can feel both at once or feel them simultaneously in different parts of our being.

Infatuation, like attachment, possessiveness and desire can be rejected because it claims and demands from the other person. Love cannot be rejected because it asks for nothing but the joy of love.

Just as selfishness can be converted into self-giving, infatuation can be converted into love, as both consist of intense energy. The direction of the movement is different -- love gives, infaturation wants to take. The depth is different. Infatuation is on the surface, love comes from the depths. The movement is different. Love is calm, strong, consistent, patient. Infatuation is excited, nervous and impatient. By going inside, concentrating in the heart, converting selfish thoughts of need to selfless thoughts of joy in the happiness of others, by refusing to act or even to think about the issue, but rather to nurture the emotion and purify it of all contamination, the energy of infatuation can be transformed into the depths of love. It is an act that elevates one's whole personality.

Whether it is reciprocated by the object depends on that person, but it can never fail to be reciprocated by LIFE, which brings the right person to receive love. (MSS)

 

Infatuation vs. the Spirit in Love
Infatuation is the intensity of the lower vital.
It is excited. The Spirit cannot be excited.
It is sensational. The Spirit is beyond the senses.
It is evanescent. The Spirit is everlasting.
It readily changes the person. The Spirit cannot imagine it.
It is turbid, its intensity is turbid. Spirit is transparent.
Infatuation directly leads to frustration. Spirit is fulfillment.
While in infatuation one is as if he is drugged. While in Spirit one is calm, wide, magnificent, SILENT.
Most mistake infatuation for Love. It is always a tragedy.
Infatuation seeks. The Spirit waits in eternal Patience.
Infatuation sees darkness inside. Spirit sees light inside.
No one who is serious can mistake one for the other. Spirit is unmistakable.
Infatuation is robbery or bribery. Spirit is pure wealth earned by brilliant knowledge. (MSS)

 

Other

Limited Social Values We Have About Women & Men
It is customary for us to value intelligence in general, beauty in woman, memory, presence of mind, resourcefulness, capacity to solve tangles, physical strength in man, etc. These social attitudes have no real lasting value but socially they are of greatest importance. (MSS)

Mistaken Marriage of Girls
Girls from cultured, educated families often err in seeking a groom from a neo-rich family for the sake of a high job or a professional degree.

She will be the sorry witness to her husband's painstaking efforts to build the character of her children: mercenary values, deceitful strategies, short-term gains will be held aloft before the children as VALUES. She would know what her own family outgrew seven generations before are the precious goals of her present consort. It is a tragedy of life that has no solution in life. In yoga [spiritual connection] there is a solution for this too.

She would be daily witness to children taking pride in acts for which every member of her family would be ashamed. (MSS)

Love that Has the Sanction of the Soul Within & the Godhead Without
There is a spiritual principle that nothing occurs without the sanction of Jivatma [the soul] and Paramatma [the Godhead].  [Such as an intense illness, tragedy, or great achievement, or love itself. -adds Editor.]

 

In two people meeting for a split second and falling in love with each other such a sanction is there. As the sanction of Jivatma is there, it rises from the very depths. The sanction of Paramatma comes to him as another person of similar aspiration. Therefore, it completes itself.

 

The love of Romeo and Juliet was consummated in death, but as far as their souls were concerned, each had its fill. (MSS, modified)

 

True Love, Romance

True Love
Mostly what people seek is not real love but to be loved. We want someone to accept and embrace us for what we are, regardless of what we are. But true love does not come from wanting to receive it. It comes from wanting to give it. Only those who have that capacity are ready for true love. And they ALWAYS get the right person or circumstance for their love to grow in purity and intensity and to feel the joyous fulfillment of that love. (MSS)

True Human Love of Partner
True human love of partner (i.e. true romantic love) is a very special form, a rarer form of love for the partner. It is the linking of souls. Few have it because we are satisfied with lesser love. It is marked by romance, i.e. romance of life.

True Romance
True romance has nothing to do with marriage and little to do with lasting relationship. As Sri Aurobindo has said, the soul is polygamous and is capable of giving itself to many souls. Society demands loyalty. Human beings yearn for security, stability and possession, which mainly cancel out any possibility of true romance which is a high risk adventure without any security at all. (MSS)

True, Undying Love of  the Deepest Depths
What we call Mind is our surface mind. Mind exists in our depths. This love resides in us in the very depths, in its foundation. It does not get released at the sight of ordinary mortals capable of attraction, who need a spouse or an affectionate companion. Nor does it respond to charm that is otherwise irresistible.

Man's mind can be divided into surface and depth. Even the surface can further be divided into higher and lower. The depth too can be divided into two - the shallow and the deep. This love, called the sacred yearning of the heart capable of eternal Romance, resides in the deepest parts of the depth. When two such people meet it rises as a SPARK of lightening and creates an indelible impression at its origin. It is undying.

It is powerful enough to move the social forces as it directs. Therefore, it always fulfils itself. Its perception is all-embracing. (MSS)

Self-Giving and Romance
Romance is not a bargain, a negotiation or a two-way transaction. Romance comes to those who ardently seek it. Self-giving is the very soul of romance and it brings a reward to the giver incomparably greater than that which is experienced by the receiver. True self-giving is unconditional. Regardless of who your partner is and how he responds, the aspiration for true emotional self-giving leads to intense joy and romantic fulfillment that does not depend on the other person. If your partner does not respond to you romantically, your romance will be greater. (MSS)

Self-giving, Receiving & Gratitude
Your understanding is perfectly correct: "romance is unconditional giving, similar to what mother gives to a child without seeking anything in return. So the ideal for romance is to only give love, whether that love is returned or not and continue to give love despite hurt or rejection. The fulfillment lies in the joy of giving."

When we say the other person's feelings are important, not your own, what we mean is that pleasing the other person, making them happy, is the true hallmark of love and the essence of romance, not seeking to make oneself happy, not subtly or overtly trying to possess or control the other person. Ecstatic joy and romantic fulfillment come in the fullness of self-forgetfulness when we fully identify with another person, feel one with them in consciousness and take joy in their happiness. This love is an inner state. It can be felt at a distance, even for one who is totally unaware of it, and it is fulfilled even if it is not requitted.

True self-giving offered silently and without any demand or expectation will always be fulfilled. If for any reason it is not accepted by the person we offer it to, then life will bring another who is capable of receiving it. It may not come immediately, but when it comes it brings an immense fulfillment that was worth waiting for. Felt for even a few days, you feel you have lived a lifetime of fulfillment.

There is no giving without receiving. It is a universal law that acts automatically. You need not look for reciprocity. Life offers it unasked. In that sense receiving is as important as giving, but it comes by itself. The teacher who selflessly offers knowledge to the student acquires greater knowledge in the act of giving it to others. The giving itself becomes a receiving. The same is true in love. The very act of love expands and fulfills the giver, elevates and enriches.

The notion that both must love with equal intensity is a misconception. One who loves intensely has the joy of that intense self-giving. Often that joy is fulfilled in finding someone who can receive that love fully. In Pride & Prejudice, Darcy feels a passionate love for Elizabeth. What he wants is for her to receive it and accept it and he feels an ecstatic fulfillment in her acceptance. Elizabeth does not feel the same passion for him, perhaps because she is more fulfilled in her own personality, but she does feel a deep, an intense gratitude for his love which is selfless and pure. Her gratitude is a complement to his passion. Gratitude enables her to happily receive the emotions he offers. Darcy is fulfilled in emotional self-giving which is itself a receiving. She is fulfilled in receiving his love and returning gratitude which is the rarest and most elevated gift we can offer another.

Beyond this are the highest forms of human love, love free from ego and selfishness of any kind, as described by Sri Aurobindo. "The highest peak of love points to a heaven of complete mutual self-giving, its summit is the rapturous fusing of two souls into one." (MSS)

Aspiration and True Love
The deeper truth is that we get what we aspire for. Those that truly aspire for the higher ideal of true love will definitely attract a person, a complement, who is the finest occasion to develop the qualities of self-giving that are the basis of true love. Whether or not the other person returns our love in equal measure is not the issue. Our fulfillment lies in the intensity of our love, in the joy of self-giving, not in what we get in return. (MSS)

True Love Knows Not Rejection
True love does not ask for anything in return, so there is no question of it being rejected. It gives itself even without the knowledge or consent of the beloved and feels fulfilled in the act of giving. When love is rejected, it is usually because it comes with explicit or implicit conditions or expectations, which disqualify it from being true love. (MSS)

Romance
What is this feeling, this experience that can  grip individuals and shake the very foundations of their lives and personalities, never to be forgotten? It is romance. The meeting of a complementary personality who awakens dormant aspects of our own personality and touches us deeply at points where our routine life does not delve. That touch may be felt positively as an expansive opening of our being or negatively as an unwanted exposure of hidden attributes. Either way, it is intensely alive and it can be life changing. (MSS, RomanceEternal.org, slightly modified)

 

On Various Forms of Love
Love is of the Spirit.
Spirit emerging through ananda catching the soul is love,
Spirit-Mind-Vital-body are the grades.
Body seeks relief in physical relationship.
As soon as relief is there, body forgets.
Vital seeks relationship, enjoys relationship, feels expansive
Seeks the fulfillment in physical relationship.
When relief is there, it does not forget, it loves the relationship.
Vital relationship can be given by anyone. It is not particular.
Anyone can replace the beloved. He will be (or she) equally enjoyable.
Mind is idealistic. It idolises the person.
The person is not replaceable. Mental loyalty is not transferable.
It never seeks physical relationship until and unless the vital is assured
formalities and ceremonies are over,
Even then for a Mental idealism physical relationship is not so much
a consummation as a concession to child bearing.
What enjoys is the Mind, what energises is the vital, the physical
proximity is ennobling.
Spirit is still higher. It comes as Love to the Soul via Ananda.
It is a relationship of spiritual purity and thus powerful.
Its mental idealism is almost worship.
Its vital relationship is as intense as physical relationship.
The actual physical relationship is distasteful or even disgusting.
Only when the Spirit is available from both sides it matures.
Even in the Spirit there are grades
At the topmost level should both find themselves, physical relationship is that
of God enjoying Man. (MSS)

 

The Shining Face of Men
The face of an unmarried bachelor in middle age will often shine compared to the world-weary look of a married man. On the other hand, a man deeply in love with spouse, married or otherwise, will have an innocent, soft, sublime look that will not fail to charm. They are each rare indeed.

 

Harmonious Relationship in Marriage
In short we can say "Love is two hearts with one song."

If both the partners tastes and interest go together, there is a beautiful Blossoming of Harmonious Marital life. But it is not practically possible after marriage as each others negatives come to light only when we practically start marital life.

He also touches the other possibility that only opposite characters unite in marriage. It is possible to accept the opposite and bring harmony. only thing needed is clear understanding and extreme patience.

This is possible in true friendship because it is not a committed relationship. Karmayogi says "If we can bring about the same mindset of accepting our partner's faults as a reflection of us, sure there is a lasting harmonious relationship." (from karmayogi.net forum)

10 Points to Render Marriage Desirable

To render Marriage desirable, certain ground rules can be laid in grades: 1) Polite manners, 2) Non-reaction, 3) introspection based on inner-outer, 4) value lies behind the valueless, 5) There is no human being without one rare endowment, 6) positive side intensely developed dissolves the negative side, 7) The negative side is in the observer, 8) There is more than one wonder in the spouse, 9) The Spouse is a Marvel, 10) The Spouse can render the other equally a Marvel. (MSS, slightly altered)

Harmony Scale in Romance
Romance succeeds in or out of marriage when there is ever increasing harmony. It ranges in a ten stage scale from abhorring opposite traits to adoring them.

Harmonious Romantic Relationships
The first rule of harmonious romantic relationships is non-reaction. Another is infinite patience. A third is never to complain. Any of these will attract positive conditions.

Infatuation vs. Love
Infatuation is impulse, urgent, excited, unable to restrain itself. It is filled with overwhelming need, desire and painful longing to take and possess. Love is calm, rich, full, emotionally overflowing joy of rich feeling. Even the thought of the beloved in their absence fills the heart with happy joy like a beautiful picture pleases the mental senses. Infatuation can be hurt, angry, resentful, lonely, needy almost like an addiction. Love is strong, expansive, positive, cheerful, self-sustaining and self-fulfilling. Between these two extremes all shades and variations and admixtures are possible because human personality is so complex that it can feel both at once or feel them simultaneously in different parts of our being.

Infatuation, like attachment, possessiveness and desire can be rejected because it claims and demands from the other person. Love cannot be rejected because it asks for nothing but the joy of love.

Just as selfishness can be converted into self-giving, infatuation can be converted into love, as both consist of intense energy. The direction of the movement is different -- love gives, infaturation wants to take. The depth is different. Infatuation is on the surface, love comes from the depths. The movement is different. Love is calm, strong, consistent, patient. Infatuation is excited, nervous and impatient. By going inside, concentrating in the heart, converting selfish thoughts of need to selfless thoughts of joy in the happiness of others, by refusing to act or even to think about the issue, but rather to nurture the emotion and purify it of all contamination, the energy of infatuation can be transformed into the depths of love. It is an act that elevates one's whole personality.

Whether it is reciprocated by the object depends on that person, but it can never fail to be reciprocated by LIFE, which brings the right person to receive love.

Contradictions are Complementaries and Evolution of a Higher Nature
In Sri Aravindam Karmayogi indicates that the opposition of things (the contradiction) forces each side to become greater than it is, indicating that the other side is really an aid, and so is truly complementary.  In essence, the conflict impinges on the dumb parts in the opposite to make them each more creative, better. I then saw this in the context of Eliza and Darcy in Pride and Prejudice. Their opposition relationship enabled them to each become better than who they were, bringing our more of their consciousness. Thus, the contradiction that they were was really complementary. You can see this everywhere in the world - in history, current events, even in sports. It is also there in the elopement between the elopees Wickham and Lydia and the Bennet family.

Contradiction are Complements, the Whole, and True Romance
It is Nature's intention for people, things, life to progress through contradictory pairs. In fact, it is the intention of the Infinite. Contradiction is the outcome of the hiding, involutionary process, and overcoming it (and seen as complement) is the method of the evolutionary process.

We can also see that the dual, contradictory pair evolve together and move from being parts to becoming one whole. This is also what has occurred for Eliza and Darcy in Pride and Prejudice. They are parts alone, but a whole after the overcome their limited nature, and find true romance in one another.

We can say that the highest form of harmony in relationships is that of admiring, even adoring opposite qualities in the other. The contradiction is seen as true complement. Thus, True Romance is that of the whole, beyond the disparate part. It also is the method that enables one to become better, to progress, evolve, become creative, etc.

Permanence of Romance
The one thing for which the heart finds a ready answering chord is the permanence of romance. Eternal romance is an ever-living ideal of the human heart and the human soul.

Is Romance, eternal romance, ever attainable?

Civilisation as well as its whole, the creation, is sustained by the evolutionary energy generated by the eternal aspiration for the Eternal. In the Mind it dawns as the attraction for Beauty. In the heart, it emerges as fullness of rich emotions for which one is willing to die. It is life giving. When sour, the same emotions can take another's life. In the Spirit, it is Love. It can give itself wholly. It revives the dead heart. It lives for Love as it energises Life. It is consummated at the level of the Spirit. (MSS, slightly altered) (MSS)

Romance as Adventure
Romance is an adventure that requires constant risk and perpetual self-giving. Comfort, security and possessiveness have nothing to do with true romance. (MSS, RomanceEternal.org)

Attitude of Romance
We all may long to experience it and dream of living it, but how many of us have the strength and courage to live always unprotected, exposed and vulnerable, to give all we are to another with assured returns of any kind? Those who are capable of that attitude can discover romance in any relationship, because the romance lies within themselves. Those that are not may wander the globe finding new partners in every port, but never finding the treasure that lies within them. (MSS, RomanceEternal.org)

Romance's Goal
Romance's goal is human progress, evolution, and transformation.

Romance Found in Ourselves
The essential truth is that we discover romance in ourselves. The other person only facilitates that discovery. (MSS, RomanceEternal.org)

True Human Romance is Spiritual in Nature
Historically, human relationship arose out of the advantages of collective action for survival and self-defense. People gathered together, lived and worked together because it was to the advantage of each individual to support and be supported by others. Over time human relationship has evolved from a material and biological expediency into a social necessity and a psychological longing. Relationship, particularly that between man and woman, has acquired social utility, status and cultural sanctity. The family has evolved into an effective social institution for raising and educating the young, for division and specialization of labor. It has also evolved into a means for each individual to seek fulfillment of psychological needs and psychological development through interaction and relationship with one who is a psychological complement.

The human soul is a portion of the All-Soul, one in essence with the Divine Being and with all other souls, as expressed in the Upanishadic formula, "All is in each and each is in all and all is in God and God in all." The human quest for romance is in its greatest depths and heights a seeking by the surface personality for that experience of oneness with its own true Self.

This quest for wholeness reaches greatest intensity in the pursuit of romantic love between man and woman. Although no single individual can provide that wholeness for another - since that whole is infinite - a person can find in another a complement for all that he is and through interaction, reconciliation and identification with that complement achieve a greater wholeness of personality and fullness of life. That which is positively complementary comes of itself without our seeking it. Life the voltage differential between positive and negative electrical terminals, the quest for complementarity can release tremendous energy and intensity. As completing the circuit eliminates the voltage differential, the intensity of complementarity most commonly subsides when organized as marriage.

At its height, human relationship becomes romance, but true romance is spiritual not human. Romance is the soul's adventure in quest of experience and self-discovery. It is an adventure of consciousness and joy that thrills in the danger of exploring the unknown and fathoming greater realities in the world and within oneself, uncompelled by need, urge or personal advantage. Spiritually, romance is to convert one's entire life into a field of self-discovery and accomplishment allured by the enchanting mystery of the unknown. Romance is the organized effort of the Eternal in Man, a power, an action and an experience that lies beyond any organization and can never be organized. At its height it reveals life as the divine play, Lila, the cosmic paradox, Maya, creating order and purpose through apparent chaos, and the Marvel of infinite Spirit evolving out of the finite. (MSS)

From Human to Higher Love
The lower vital attraction is known as love. The higher emotions for another are only nervous energy generated by one's circumstances by one's values. The spark of the soul never enters human love except as an exception. Entering as an exception, that spark elevates any of these sensations or emotions to great heights for a while and allows them to be destroyed. When destroyed the lovers become martyrs. When not destroyed they become husband and wife relating to each other through their characters. Love is not for this earth except as a spark that destroys after a short elevation. Is then there no love on earth? There is. It must begin inside, not for a person but for The Person. And then that can be impersonally given to any person. The impersonal Love is the love which refuses to become personal unless a person agrees to receive it impersonally. Still that impersonal Love can go out from a person to another person if the Being in the Becoming emerges in both. That personal relation will certainly be impersonal in its personal essence. (MSS)

The Nature of Romance/Romance of Life
-Civilisation as well as its whole, the creation, is sustained by the evolutionary energy generated by the eternal aspiration for the Eternal. [The eternal is the Spirit, the Divine.]
-Romance is then the Eternal seeking the Eternal Eternally. [It is the Divine Spirit seeking out the Divine in our lives.]

-We seek this Romance in another person, through a soul to soul connection, a reflection of the  Eternal Seeking the Eternal.
-Each person has a soul, the spark of the Divine. It has entered us to fulfill a purpose, the Soul's purpose through our growth and evolution.
-Romance is therefore the play of one soul with another.
-Romance is also aspiration of the unattainable. It cannot be found in one individual because that person is only a part (of the truth). Still we try. It is romance. The Whole is what the soul seeks through the part of the individual.

-The Eternal eternally presents itself to the ephemeral for its valid acceptance. [I.e. the spirit seeks itself in the lives of Man, between partners as well as in the adventure of life.] That is why Romance rears its head all the time at all ages. It knows no death. Romance never dies. It cannot die. It has never died in the history of man.
-Romance is permanent. Eternal romance is an ever-living ideal of the human heart and the human soul.

-Romance is the sensation of adventure in an ever-fresh atmosphere.
-The seeking is the adventure. Attaining is the fulfillment.
-To seek an emotional adventure of the highest type for the love of danger and the possibilities of destruction -- of the body or the ego or status -- is romance.
-Romance emerges to give life to death and dead habits.

-Romance is irresistible sweetness, charm, and attraction issuing from a delight of union, of integration of consciousness.
-The charm of Romance issues from its Divine character of universal attitude and infinite dimension.

-People of the level of Eternal Romance are very serious, of immense Patience and unshakeable calm. Life never troubles them. No trouble troubles them. Their very calm calms the opposing disturbances. Wherever they are, they make their mark unmistakably.

-Romance is the spirit of evolution. It originates in the body, goes to the mind, crosses the Spirit, and spills over to the 3rd dimension of evolution. (Paraphrase of MSS ideas on Romance, with comments in brackets)

On Romance
Romance is man seeking woman for the joy of self-annihilation. When man dissolves his ego in the woman's ego, there is a rare fulfillment. Of course it has varying versions that often include their opposite. Literature instructs us.

• Romance is self-giving.
• To give oneself to another in love is romance.
• To give oneself to another so that the other's love will be fulfilled is another version of romance.
• Such fulfillment can be elevation of both, destruction of one by life or by another or self-destruction.
• To seek an emotional adventure of the highest type for the love of danger and the possibilities of destruction -- of the body or the ego or status -- is romance. It can be one's own destruction or the other's. Such a destruction has its own versions of sublime elevation, magnificent benevolence, or cruel tyranny or can be anything. Whatever it is, romance abides. (MSS)

Soul Connection of True Love
The urge to find one's soul is our human destiny. It can come thorough our association with another, including love of another. In True Love, there is seeking for soul to soul connection. It is Romance. That is what we seek and yearn for in the depths, though on the surface we may only see lesser parts.

Spirituality & Romance
Spirituality is considered as the antithesis of Romance. The truth is that spirituality is the opposite of social, family life, not of Romance, which is a play of one soul with another soul. (MSS)

Darcy
Darcy's love of Eliza in Pride and Prejudice is the true romance of life, the true adventure in which he discovers his higher nature in his quest to win over her love. In his quest to end the elopement he is participating in the Romance of Life.

See the Pride and Prejudice Project

True Romance through Spirit
The physical eyes see the beauty, the vital sensations enjoy the pleasant temperament, both of which can be lost in time. The Spirit sees no defects, as it has no defects of its own. Any defect you see in the other is ONLY a reflection of your own defects of which you are unaware. ... For the spiritually awakened eye, there is no defect either outside or inside. Then life can be an eternal Romance.  (MSS, extracts)

Thoughts on True Love and Romance

• A key to Love is Letting Go -- physically, vitally, and mentally; in the sense of not basing it on hard preconceptions at any of these levels.

• Love and Attachment are very different things.

• Non-attachment enables Love.

• The inner-oriented Man is free of Attachment and thus can freely Love.

• Non-attachment is the truest expression of Love.

• Non-controlling comes from the Inner Man.

• Control is ego. (It is not from the free, unattached Inner Man.)

• Seeking security is fear.  It is unspiritual.

• Replace controlling with Allowing.

• Allowing releases you from attachment.

• Craving to cling and possess destroys Love.

• In attachment, your needs overshadow your spirit.

• Needs in relationship don't have to turn into attachment.

• But be free of dependence.

• Shift from surface need to true Inner Need.

• Accept Equality in relationship not dominance/control.

• Discover your deeper Needs down to Spirit.

• The love of 2 in the flesh has its origins in Spirit, Spiritual Love, Self.

• Asat is of the flesh is other side of Sat, of Being and Self

• Passion is not just sex.

• Kindle Passion in non-sexual terms.

• It is the shared passion for Life.

• It is deeper than ordinary existence.

• Love thus has a cosmic purpose.

• In sharing Love, we serve a universal purpose.

• The passion to Discover is ultimate Self.

• Creation is the Spirit's unending expression of love and passion for life.

• The movement to discover, to create is a divine impulse. The more intense, the more creation.

• To discover, to create is the great expression of Passion.

• To share that Creative Passion is to discover True Romance.

• It is the dual aspect of Being (as expressed by Shiva) and creation with intensity (Shakti) that enables ultimate Romance.

• It is a combination of detachment and being with intense passion of creating.

• The two movements complement one another.

• Romance can be a spiritual journey (shared, creative, egoless, detached, passionate).

 

Also See Thoughts on Romance of Life

Opening to the Spirit that Can Support Pure Love
Love at first sight is something that can fulfil itself in varying degrees. The Divine Mother [opening to the spirit] offers the least of persons the most when their love is pure and their hearts are sincere. (MSS)

Romance is Eternal Seeking the Eternal
Romance never dies. It cannot die. It has never died in the history of man. The Eternal seeks the Eternal Eternally. It is Romance. The seeking is the adventure. Attaining is fulfilment. (MSS)

 

Birth of Eternal Romance By Not Seeing Other's Defects
One who has the spiritual ability NOT to see the other's defects or sees it as a reflection of one's own inner status can eternally retain that view.  In that case eternal Romance is born. (MSS)

Not Dominating and Happiness
Absence of the motive to dominate the other is the eternal source of everlasting happiness. (MSS)

Romance and Adventure
Romance is the sensation of adventure in an ever-fresh atmosphere. (MSS)

True Romance
True romance is beyond the social influence, even the psychological, and the mental. It has a spiritual underpinning.

Romance and the Unattainable
Romance is seeking for the unattainable. (MSS)

Fear and Romance
Fear that moves towards fearlessness prepares itself for the adventure of Love that is Romance. (MSS)

Eternal Romance at 4th Stage
I spoke of four levels, two on the surface and two in the depth. They can be called levels 1, 2, 3 and 4 for convenience. Those persons in level 1 are in the surface of the surface mind, those in 2 are in the depth of the surface, those in 3 are in the shallow depth or the surface of the depth and those in 4 are in the depth of the deep-seated Mind.

Eternal Romance resides in the 4th stage. People of that level are very serious, of immense Patience and unshakeable calm. Life never troubles them. No trouble troubles them. Their very calm calms the opposing disturbances. Wherever they are, they make their mark unmistakably. (MSS)

True Human Love
Love cannot be frustrated, as it has nothing to expect. What is there for one to expect? (MSS)

A Loving Heart
A loving heart never ceases to love. It is not fixed or focused on an object. It only needs a field for its endless expression. (MSS)

True Human Love to Divine Love
True love grows into blemish-free love of the divine touch when the mind of emotions is pure as well as free. (MSS)

Love in Marriage that Embraces the Divine
Love ends in marriage. But marriage can resuscitate Love if the hearts can accept Mother in love. (MSS)

What Hurts Pure Love
-It is rarely realised that mundane attitudes or mercenary motives can hurt pure love mortally.

-Impatience, tension, hurry, lying, unwanted secrecy, etc. carry the force of falsehood, [and hurt love]. (MSS)

 

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Ultimate Personal Growth through the Complementary Partner

Ultimate Growth through Partner Relationships
-Short of direct relationship with the Divine, there is no other field of human experience that provides even a measure of the scope for personal progress offered by relationships between man and woman. Indeed it has been a principle means of human evolution historically. It is in human relationships that we can most easily and fully see our failings and inadequacies because they invariably come out!

-Intimate human relationships are the starting point, playing field and battleground on which the human ego awakens progressively from its ignorance of the world around it when faced with the contradictions and complementaries of the opposite sex. One can really outgrow relationships only when the emotions and vitality are too pure to be attractive to or satisfied by a partner and one is left alone to relate to the Divine. (MSS, slightly modified)

-Regardless of whether the relationship is positive or negative, harmonious or full of conflict, life touches most people more deeply, comprehensively and integrally in intimate relationships, thus it is the most powerful vehicle for self-discovery and progress short of yoga [spiritual evolution] --and also by far the most difficult and challenging! (MSS)

Love Relationships and Personal Growth
Relationships like all life experience come to us for a progress as human beings -- to help us grow and become better people, to make us more conscious and raise our consciousness. Every challenge in life offers this opportunity and intimate relations are certainly one of the greatest challenges we face because we come so close to dealing with another human being intensely. (MSS)

Darcy
Darcy's love of Eliza in Pride and Prejudice is the true romance of life, the true adventure in which he discovers his higher nature in his quest to win over her love. In his quest to end the elopement he is participating in the Romance of Life.

Growth by Overcoming Difficulty with Partner
A cantankerous spouse is an instrument of perfection. Especially when the husband seeks psychological fulfillment from the wife, she not only withholds it but stings at that point the offending aspect of his character. No one else can do him that service this effectively. When another does he can avoid them, not the wife. (MSS)

Eternal Romance and Personal Growth
The search for constant delight in life -- especially in another person -- is the deepest, most intense and universal of human aspirations. It is the quest for eternal romance. Except in the pages of fiction, it is rarely achieved for more than a few moments. Yet few can abandon the dream of achieving it, because the aspiration originates in the depths of our emotional being. The very endeavor to seek this goal is an act of idealism which can bring greater delight.

Delight is at best a fleeting experience for human beings. The common experience is that if the magic of romance comes in a relationship at all, it quickly fades in the dull light of everyday life. Yet having once tasted the sweetness of romance, we never forget it and yearn to get it back.

Romance is to discover the eternal moment in another individual, so that the delight of existence can be felt ever-present and growing. Romantic attraction arises because we find in another person a psychological and spiritual complement to our own personality which fills each moment with unexpected novelty and surprising revelations of our partner's individual uniqueness.

Countless lovers have pondered over the mystery of why romance tends to fade so quickly. Yet the answer is not difficult to discover. Romance does not originate in another person. Romance is a quest for adventure which arises within ourselves, the search for an ideal which we seek to attain. The aspiration and courage for adventure in which we risk all and nothing is guaranteed is the true basis for romance.

When the wonder of romance fades, our first instinct is often to blame our partner for not being the same as before, not being all that we need, little aware that we too have changed along the way. Often this leads us to question our original choice of the other person. The mistake is not in our choice but in the way we have implemented it. The power lies in us to revive the wonder.

To discover romance in another, one has to first discover it in oneself. We discover and evoke romantic feelings in another person through the attitude of self-giving we bring to the relationship during the initial period of acquaintance and pursuit, before we feel secure in our partner's affection or the permanency of the attachment.

Once that security is achieved, our natural inclination is to seek more for what we can get from the other person than what we can give. That subtle shift in attitude from wanting to please and wanting to give to wanting to take and wanting to be pleased gradually converts the magic of eternal romance into the routine habitual patterns of everyday life. Therefore the real work lies within ourselves, in a change in our own attitudes and behavior.

As common as it is, the fall from delight is not irreversible. If we can recover the original attitude of romantic adventure, the feeling can return. (MSS, delimited)

Growth and Response in 'Hanna and Her Sisters'
Last night I watched Woody Allen's 'Hannah and Her Sister.' I had seen it many times before, but now I saw it a new way. In the end, everyone evolves in the story and it happens through and within their relationships. It was like Pride and Prejudice in many ways. There is as very positive outcome for everyone, including the three sisters and the two suitors.

The Michael Caine character is in love with and carries on an affair with the Barbara Hershey character, who is the sister of the Mia Farrow character that Michael is married to. After months of anguish, he eventually sheds his relationship with Barbara, comes to really appreciate his wife Mia's goodness, which deepens his love for her and they remain together. Meanwhile over that time Barbara is tired of waiting around for Michael to commit (and also sees how she would hurt her sister Mia if she found out) and immediately attracts a man who she falls in love with and marries. (Mia also becomes more self aware as she sees that she is always giving in her relationships, and avoids asking for anything in return.) The third sister, the Diane Wiest character, overcomes her self-doubt about her capacities, becomes a writer, and attracts Woody, who a year earlier had a disastrous first date with her. Meanwhile, Woody overcomes his fear of death after the threat of a brain tumor, meets Diane in a bookstore, is willing to look past his horrible start with her, and forms a relationship with a now far more confident woman, bringing romance that leads to their marriage. In the final dramatic and sweet scene of the film, she tells him that she is pregnant.

It is a magnificent story of people evolving through their romantic relationships. Michael through higher love. Mia through greater self-awareness. Barbara through greater strength. Diane through a sense of self-worth. Woody through shedding fear. Life responds with good fortune for each for these inner psychological efforts.

Progress through a Failed Relationship: Thoughts on 'A Lady of Virtue' Episode

• These are thoughts on the dual response that happens around 22 minutes into 'A Lady of Virtue' episode of The Duchess of Duke Street: 

• Two responses essentially came at once.  The letter about her husband's death and George's sudden appearance with word that his contact appreciated Diana's art.

• On the surface, it seemed to be a negative response, followed by positive one.

• A level deeper we see that the negative response was actually a positive in disguise. I.e. because of her husband's debts, she now felt freer to be a more independent woman, even pursuing her art career. (The second, positive response from George indicated the same opening to a career.)

• Through the entire ordeal, she moved towards more independence where she could now pursue her art, beginning with the publication of her book of drawings.

• Through George, her movement toward success was made possible.

• It is progress through Nature's slow and difficult path. 

• Through him, she also suffered because what he was ultimately true to was his political career in marrying Ms. Monroe.

• In one sense, he reminded me of Nickie In 'An Affair to Remember.' I.e. insensitivity to his lover's feelings; thinking mostly of himself.

• Love is the instrument for her growth, even if it failed in of itself. Her career emerged from it.

• I believe what precipitated the dual response was Diana's realization, intention, and focus that she could turn her artistic efforts into a success; perhaps even a real career.

• I don't quite recall ever seeing such a striking dual life response come at once. (And it had both that troubling (response 1) and good news quality (response 2) at the same time. 

• I am sure it is there in P&P, but I don't recall where.

• What is the principle that attracts such as a DUEL response?  (I feel there is something significant here, but what?)

• Also, what is the energy that attracts a response that has both sadness of news about her husband along with the positive of George's information about the interest in her art.

• At the end, the Duchess (Louisa) mostly sees the negative in George. And yet even Diane admits in the end that she is on the path of something new in her life.

• In politics there is the negative embedded in the positive. Those who participate are thusly affected.  We see this in the outcome of the story; of a certain falseness, despite love both he felt on the surface. (Maybe it was only attraction.)

• In many relationships, it's failing is the opening to greater possibilities, as it was for Diane. If that is true, what are the implications for a relationships site?

 

 

Love Relationship and Spiritual Realization

 

Soul Connection of True Love
The urge to find one's soul is our human destiny. It can come thorough our association with another, including love of another. In True Love, there is seeking for soul to soul connection. It is Romance. That is what we seek and yearn for in the depths, though on the surface we may only see lesser parts.

 

Love and Spirit as Methods of Completeness
Love is a yearning for completeness. Ultimately human beings find completeness through spiritual realization. Human relationships, especially romantic love, are the closest human equivalent and preparation for that higher fulfillment. Love provides a field and opportunity for human beings to develop and nourish the highest spiritual values in life -- goodness, self-giving, truthfulness, sincerity, purity, absolute trust, delight in another's happiness.

 

Love and Life Response

Attracting Powerful Results in a Relationship

A Plan to Attract the Right Partner
-Immerse yourself in doing the thing/work you enjoy.

-Aspire for a deep relationship where there are shared interests, yet that has complementarity for scope for growth

-Give up any negative feelings to others, including family.

-Be patient.

-Stay positive (i.e. be cheerful about the matter).

-Offer the details of your intention to the Spirit and do it through "Thy Will Be Done".

-Aspire for the highest form of relationship you can imagine for yourself.

-Believe that you can attract the world to you, including a love partner.

Breaking a Money Backlog through Self-Givingness
Self-givingness can express in a number of ways. Generosity, whether through one's inner intention or in a physical gesture in life, is an important one. It not only brings positive results to the recipient, including a relationship partner, but to yourself as well. In fact, I had that very experience the other day.

For over a month, money had been piling up for me. Not in what was owed, but in what was due to me. One unpaid amount was for $13k+, another for 5k+, a third for 1k. With every passing day, the receivables were accumulating, while my bank balance was dropping rapidly toward zero. During that time, I hoped and prayed that money would come, but nothing came of it. In fact, each time things seemed to move forward, circumstance would intervene and payments would got delayed. It almost seemed insidious!

Then in the middle of night, I woke up and thought that instead of focusing on myself, I wanted to secure this money because my relationship partner needed it. I sensed that shifting from my needs for the money to her concerns might help the situation. The next morning I went to my online bank statement and was startled to see that the money backlog had finally been broken! An amount due from my ever-increasing receivables had finally been paid; the first major inflow of money in a month! That sum would turn out to benefit both of us.

In this case, I clearly understood that by moving from ego and self, i.e. my needs, to the concerns and desires of another, in this case my partner, I was able to attract positive circumstances for both of us. It was another indicator how inward-oriented self-givingness has a great power to attract positive conditions from life - giving support, strength, and sustenance to our long-term relationships.

Not Complaining Works!
Several months ago, I asked IRES how to deal with my partner's organization issues. In particular, I wondered what I could do that would enable keep her to keep physical messes under control. (Included in that were things strewn about and piled up; as well paperwork clutter that prevented her from paying her accounts in a regular and timely manner.)  I submitted the issue to IRES and received the following somewhat cryptic response:  "Greater organization and relieving the mind of cluttered information." I had a general idea of what that meant, but nothing specific enough to act upon.

Recently RomanceEternal offered a number of Harmony strategies for improving one's relationship with a partner. I decided to take up several suggestions there, including not complaining, not trying to change my partner, not bullying, and not reacting. I felt my initial efforts went well, with a few small setbacks along the way.

Let's go back in time a little. About three months ago, I learned that my partner had been paying exorbitantly high interest rates on her Bank of America credit card. I suggested that she contact them to negotiate a lower rate; a fairly common practice nowadays. Unfortunately, she never took up my advice; in part, because she is not the type who would take such aggressive actions.

This was not the only problems she had working with her credit cards. The bigger problem was that as a result of lack of organization, she has had no obvious way to know when the cards were due, and as a result, she had a haphazard approach to paying. Not unexpectedly, the card and other financial companies were always calling at the worst time, and sending notices by mail, which in turn raised her interest rates.

Time passed.  The last several weeks I began to take up the harmony strategies as indicated above.

Then at one point last week, my partner told me that she was expecting a call from BofA to talk about her overall financial situation (not just the one card she paid on to them, though the call was initiated because of a discussion on that one card). I found that interesting.

My partner and the representative then had that call the other night, and a fairly long conversation ensued. At the end, she told me that she had worked out an agreement where she would make one, single payment against all her cards to BofA. They would then process the amounts to the individual cards for her. I thought this was a wonderful development; something I had never heard of. (They were not taking on the debt of all the cards, only distributing the one payment to other cards for her.) This one, single payment approach was of course the perfect solutions for my partner, who for years had problems paying her cards and other large financial obligations on time!

This development struck me as a powerful response from life. I thought it might be a result of my inner effort to refrain from complaining, changing her, and other harmony strategies.

Silent Will Works
Silently willing for what you want from your partner instead of overtly asking is an effective strategy. Silent will works. It is better than expressed will in that it minimizes the intrusion of ego. Using silent will you can get your partner to do what you want, but you cannot use it to find romance. Romance is not about getting anyone to do anything. The only will that attracts romance is the will to please, to give and to love. Expressing that will silently is very powerful.

 

Attracting a Partner through Higher Consciousness

Attracting Love through Higher Consciousness
When we rightfully deal with other issues in our life, we also tend to attract positive circumstance, including the right romance person.

Once when I was young, I decided to join a house painting and woodworking group instead of being idle, as I normally would, having been spoiled during those years. Soon after, I met the girl of my dreams from out of nowhere through another friend.

Often, when we make a decisive change to the positive in one area of our life, we attract something special in another, such as the love of our life. Sometimes, it is because we change an attitude, such as my attitude toward work, though it can also be a wanting attitude toward others or even life itself. Sometimes, the response comes because we finally come around and act through psychological strength instead of weakness. Other times it happens because we are self-giving in another area, such as toward a friend in need. There are countless opportunities in life where we can act out of higher consciousness, and thereby attract powerful positive circumstance in another area of our life, including a deep aspiration to draw the right romantic partner.

Decision of Strength Attracts Love in 'The Apartment'
Normally, we believe that if we make an effort in a particular area, we will elicit results that will lead to success in that domain. For example, if I seek a mate, practically speaking I need to make an effort to find her and woo her, which will hopefully secure her love. Never does it occur to us that if we make the right crossroad decision change in a related area, that we will attract the object of our desire; in this case, the one we adore.

In the 1960s film 'The Apartment,' C. C. Baxter is a lonely office drone working for an insurance company in New York City. As it turns, four different company managers take turns commandeering his apartment for the purpose of engaging in extramarital liaisons. Unhappy with the situation, but unwilling to challenge them directly, Baxter juggles their conflicting demands while hoping to catch the eye of fetching elevator operator Miss Fran Kubelik. Meanwhile the neighbors, a medical doctor and his wife, assume Baxter is a "good time Charlie" who gets a different woman drunk every night. Baxter accepts their criticism rather than reveal the truth.

One day, he meets with personnel director Mr. Sheldrake, who has gotten wind of this situation. However, rather than denounce it, he asks Baxter for the key so he can be the fifth user of his apartment! As a result, Baxter gets a promotion with his own office. Sometime later, Baxter realizes that Sheldrake is carrying on with Fran, the woman he loves, using his apartment to continue their affair.  He also knows that Fran is being used by Sheldrake, for he will never divorce his wife and marry her, which is a pattern he has followed with a number of previous female victims.

One day, Fran takes an overdose of pills at Baxter's apartment after a rendezvous with Sheldrake, who she realizes will never commit to her. As a result, Baxter frantically seeks out the doctor living next door, and the two of them resuscitate Fran. Even after she is returned to full health, Fran still cannot give up her love for Sheldrake. Feeling humiliated, Baxter now realizes that winning over Fran is a hopeless case.

After this near suicide, Sheldrake callously asks Baxter for the key to his apartment so he can once again meet with Fran. However, this time -- despite now having been raised to a high-level position -- Baxter asserts himself by refusing. Even though he knows he will be fired, he exercises his strength and walks out on Sheldrake and, therefore, his job. A while later, he offers to pay the doctor for the services rendered for saving Fran, which is a small but powerful act of generosity. Finally, Baxter decides to give up his own apartment that has been royally abused.

Resigned to celebrate New Year's Eve by himself, Baxter opens a bottle of champagne, but then hears a knock on the door. It is Fran, who tells him that she has left Sheldrake, though she holds back from revealing that she learned that Baxter had stood up to him and left the company. Baxter then invites her in, and they play cards together as they have done in the past, resuming their friendship. Baxter then confesses his love for her, and Fran in her own way reciprocates those feelings.

What is the inner message here? It is this: because Baxter overcame his usual weakness and stood strong against his hypocritical and abusive boss, life responded with the sudden appearance of Fran from out of nowhere, igniting their romance, and fulfilling his deepest aspiration in life.

In life, we are often confronted by crossroad decisions. When we make the right one, we attract conditions that are favorable to us in a related area. In Baxter's case, he chose strength over weakness, which attracted Fran and her love from seemingly out of nowhere. It was not his effort to woo her that won her over, but his right choice in a related domain.

We can also examine this dynamic in a proactive way. If there is something we really want, we can look around and examine the conditions in related areas. There we should determine if there are important choices to be made. If we identify it and choose in the right direction, not only will we bring about positive results in that immediate area, but we are likely attract sudden good fortune in another. It can be a new promotion, an opportunity of a lifetime, or the love of one's life.

A Plan to Attract the Right Partner
-Immerse yourself in doing the thing/work you enjoy.

-Aspire for a deep relationship where there are shared interests, yet that has complementarity for scope for growth

-Give up any negative feelings to others, including family.

-Be patient.

-Stay positive (i.e. be cheerful about the matter).

-Offer the details of your intention to the Spirit and do it through "Thy Will Be Done".

-Aspire for the highest form of relationship you can imagine for yourself.

-Believe that you can attract the world to you, including a love partner.

Women Respond to Men's Strength (Hoosiers)
It is the story of the rise of a rural Indiana high school basketball team who go on to win the state championship. In the tale, the coach played by Gene Hackman is about to be sacked because of his roughhouse coaching tactics. Along the way, however he has made a noble effort to bring in the Dennis Hopper character -- the father of one of the players and a fear-filled drunk -- as coaching assistant. The Barbara Hershey character responds positively to this development, despite the fact that the school is likely to dump Gene. At one point, before a town council meeting,  she stands up for him, which instantly attracts the arrival of the star player who now agrees to rejoin the team, after he earlier left due to Gene's tactics. It turns out he will then lead the team through a series of victories, culminating in the state championship. Later on, we will see that Barbara has actually fallen in love with Gene, due in no small part to his act of strength in bringing Dennis in as assistant, plus his tough yet sensitive actions in bringing the team to the state championship.

What is powerful in Hoosiers is that not only does Gene's strength attracts Barbara's love, but she acts on his behalf in a way that attracts the star player, who then leads to team to ultimate victor. It thus has this double aspect.

We see something similar in Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice with Eliza's view of Darcy after what he did to end the elopement of her sister that threatened to ruin their family. Not only is she attracted to that effort of strength, but she changes her view of things (regarding herself, her family, Darcy) which attracts him to her home, and there expresses her gratitude for his strong action, which attracts his proposal and their marriage.

Women tend to have a higher character that responds to noble and truthful action in men. I am not sure we see the same very often in men towards women who act from strength and higher character.

 

Dan in Real Life
Life presents us with many challenges, some of which arise through negative circumstance. In particular, it can be quite difficult to remain positive when the social atmosphere is wanting -- e.g. if people around us are behaving in ways that are detrimental or even harmful. And yet those who are able to maintain the right outlook in these circumstances, who are immune to and do not participate in the negative social activity, gain an interesting power over life, as they tend to quickly attract positive conditions. Let me illustrate with a film I watched the other day.

In Dan in Real Life, Dan Burns is a newspaper advice columnist, a widower, and a father of three daughters in the New Jersey suburbs. One day Dan and his children take a trip to the Rhode Island home of his parents for their annual family get together. After they arrive at the large house, situated on a bluff overlooking the bay, Dan takes some time off and goes to a local bookstore. There he meets a woman named Marie who mistakes Dan for an employee. He then proceeds to gather up several books for her, and in the process, hits it off with her. Suddenly love blossoms.

When Dan arrives back at the house, he lets his family know that he has found a potentially very special person. They are thrilled to hear this since it has been three years since he lost his wife. However, a short while later, his brother's new girl friend arrives on the scene, and it turns out to be none other than Marie! She too was on her way to the family get together when she met Dan at the bookstore.

There then begins a tense situation in which his brother and Marie are somewhat romantically interacting at the home, even as Dan is now has fallen in love with her. After several days, the situation becomes unbearable for both. Because he appears so miserable, Dan's mother suggests that he call up a local girl on a blind date and ask her to come to the gathering. When the rest of the group learns that she is coming, they recall that she was a physically unattractive young girl, and so they begin mocking her for being an ugly duckling. At one point, they go as far as to launch into a rollicking, impromptu sing-along in which poke fun of "miss piggy face." All except Dan, that is.

A few minutes later, so-called "piggy face" arrives at the house, and shockingly turns out to be a beautiful woman. Immediately, Dan and her are physically attracted to one another. As a result, Marie becomes very jealous, which has the further effect of turning the emerging, partial love she felt for Dan into a full-blown blossoming of her emotions. This in turn compels her to truly seek out the relationship with him, once she breaks off with his brother. In the end, Dan and Marie fall deeply love and are blissfully married.

The moral of the story? Because Dan did not give into and participate in the mocking sing-along of his soon to be arriving date "piggy face," he attracted instead a beautiful woman. Furthermore, her arrival compelled Marie, the woman he loved, to commit to a relationship, which culminated in their marriage. That is the power of remaining positive in a negative situation -- in this case, in the face of social pressure to act falsely. The effect is that this person, the exception in the crowd, is propelled to the heights through complete emotional fulfillment. When we follow our own positive instincts and do not give into the social imperative of the herd, we release positive energies that attract the very best of conditions. In that way, we develop "true individuality," which tends to lure the infinite potentials of life in our direction.

 

Growth and Response in 'Hanna and Her Sisters'
Last night I watched Woody Allen's 'Hannah and Her Sister.' I had seen it many times before, but now I saw it a new way. In the end, everyone evolves in the story and it happens through and within their relationships. It was like Pride and Prejudice in many ways. There is as very positive outcome for everyone, including the three sisters and the two suitors.

The Michael Caine character is in love with and carries on an affair with the Barbara Hershey character, who is the sister of the Mia Farrow character that Michael is married to. After months of anguish, he eventually sheds his relationship with Barbara, comes to really appreciate his wife Mia's goodness, which deepens his love for her and they remain together. Meanwhile over that time Barbara is tired of waiting around for Michael to commit (and also sees how she would hurt her sister Mia if she found out) and immediately attracts a man who she falls in love with and marries. (Mia also becomes more self aware as she sees that she is always giving in her relationships, and avoids asking for anything in return.) The third sister, the Diane Wiest character, overcomes her self-doubt about her capacities, becomes a writer, and attracts Woody, who a year earlier had a disastrous first date with her. Meanwhile, Woody overcomes his fear of death after the threat of a brain tumor, meets Diane in a bookstore, is willing to look past his horrible start with her, and forms a relationship with a now far more confident woman, bringing romance that leads to their marriage. In the final dramatic and sweet scene of the film, she tells him that she is pregnant.

It is a magnificent story of people evolving through their romantic relationships. Michael through higher love. Mia through greater self-awareness. Barbara through greater strength. Diane through a sense of self-worth. Woody through shedding fear. Life responds with good fortune for each for these inner psychological efforts.

Self-Givingness Attracts Love in Scent of a Woman
Life Response (sudden good fortune) has many subtle rules, nuances, and peculiarities. One example of the latter is that if you shift your consciousness to the positive in one area of your life, you will often experience a response in a very different one. For example, when you finally get the courage to stand up to an abusive boss, life rewards you when a previously non-responding woman you have been wooing suddenly appears at your doorstep ready to begin a serious relationship. This ability to attract from one domain by reversing our consciousness in another is a fascinating aspect of life response. Here is another example from a film I watched recently.

In 'Scent of a Woman,' Charlie Simms is a student at a private preparatory school who comes from a poor family. To earn the money for his flight home for Christmas, Charlie takes a job looking after retired U.S. Army officer Lieutenant Colonel Frank Slade, a cantankerous middle-aged man who is now blind, alcoholic, eccentric, and difficult to get along with.

Charlie is distracted by a very big problem he is having at school. Three students have played a prank on the school's headmaster, Mr. Trask, by placing a balloon filled with plaster and bearing a profane image above his expensive car, which was presented to him by the school's board of trustees. Trask then pops the balloon, causing the contents to rain down on him and his car in front of the entire school. Only Charlie and another classmate, George knows the identity of the culprits, as they had seen them setting the booby trap the previous night. However, both of them refuse to reveal the culprits' names. After threatening both with expulsion, Trask tries to bribe Charlie by assuring him admission to Harvard if he names those who committed the prank. Charlie still tells him nothing, but is warned that he must or suffer the consequences for being a "cover-up artist."

When Charlie originally took the job, he was told that he would only have to stay with Colonel Slade at his niece's home and look after him. However, Slade had actually planned a visit to New York, and therefore enlists Charlie's help on the trip. He takes a room at the Waldorf-Astoria. During dinner, Slade reveals the real purpose for the trip: to eat at an expensive restaurant, stay at a luxury hotel, see his big brother, make love to a beautiful woman, and then commit suicide.

Charlie learns how Slade lost his sight by foolishly juggling hand grenades while drunk. Slade's crude behavior at dinner further alienates his brother and other relatives. Later, the blind Colonel tangos with a girl whose perfume captivates him. He drives a Ferrari with a very nervous Charlie in the passenger seat. Slade tricks Charlie into leaving the hotel room to buy him a cigar, but a suspicious Charlie comes back to find Slade ready to commit suicide with his gun. After a few tense minutes, Charlie is able to stop Slade from killing himself.

By this point, Charlie has become very loyal to the Colonel. Charlie becomes the sole person to stand by Slade, and defend him against the Colonel's own family. Charlie's loyalty is not lost on Slade, as Slade offers him advice numerous times and even comes to see him as a true friend. In their intimate discussions, the Colonel reveals that more than anything in his life he would like a good woman.

Charlie eventually returns to school, where George, is about to reveal the names of the students involved in the incident. Trask conducts a courtroom-like assembly of the student body and the Disciplinary Committee. He questions George, who with the help of his influential father is able to weasel out of the jam by claiming to be only partially certain of the culprits' identity, suggesting that Charlie might have had a better view than he did. Charlie then refuses to give the students' names, and is about to be expelled when Colonel Slade surprisingly enters and delivers a compelling speech on his behalf, revealing that Charlie had been offered a bribe to inform on the other students. Slade then wins over the students and the committee. The students who played the prank on Trask are placed on disciplinary probation, George is given no recognition, and Charlie is exonerated.

Now here is the part of the story that I would like to direct your attention. As Charlie and Slade walk outside of the school, a beautiful middle-aged woman walks up and congratulates them on their effort. Slade though blind is dazzled by her beauty and intelligence. He indicates that he would like to see her, which she seems to desire as well.  In fact, she seems to be everything he had (earlier) dreamed of. Slade then returns home. No longer bitter, he seems to have a new look on life, a new young friend in Charlie, and the real possibility of befriending the woman of his dreams.

In this story, a broken man changes his attitude through deep friendship with a student. He then offers his services when the young man is about to be condemned in front of the student body. That act of self-givingness instantly attracts the woman he so deeply yearns for now in his life. As we see, when we shift our consciousness to the positive in one area of our lives, we often attract positive conditions in another. If for example we have a deep aspiration to love someone and then act in another domain in a positive way -- through an act of self-givingness, or greater psychological strength, or higher attitudes, etc -- life instantly fulfils that deep, original aspiration. When Slade attracted the lovely, sensitive, and intelligent woman at the conclusion of the story, it was the final outcome in a process that began when he expressed his deep aspiration for such a person, and then self-gave of himself in another arena, helping a young friend avoid a catastrophe.

We too can utilize this approach, if we are first clear about what we want, look around and overcome a glaring limitation in our being in any area of our lives -- whether a poor attitude, ego and selfishness, poor organization, weak effort, lacking psychological strength, etc. Life will then reward our efforts by bringing the object of our desire, whatever that is, to our doorstep.

(Thanks to Wikipedia for their film summary.)

Mr. Darcy's 180 Degree Change
Those who are dedicated to personal growth develop an aspiration to bring about significant change in their lives. That is one level of progress. There is an even greater one. Those who commit themselves to personal evolution and transformation have accepted the possibility of reversing their nature 180 degrees from its current status. It is such a stupendous undertaking -- it may even seem impossible to the uninitiated --  that it can only occur by connecting with and making use of the spiritual powers of life. In fact, developing a spirit-based super-Nature is that individual's ultimate purpose and goal in life.

As a result of this staggering commitment, that person may change a dozen plus major character flaws; uplift and perfect all aspect of his physical, vital, psychological, and mental being; overcome a number of fixed habits that drag on him; shed wanting attitudes that demean him, and give up false opinions that limit him -- infusing all parts of his being, and every activity he engages with the Spirit. In the end, that individual comes to surrender his very life and purpose to the Divine Will and Intent. It is a stupendous effort for which he will be rewarded with ultimate pleasure, bliss, and delight (i.e. 'Ananda' in the East); an astonishing power over every aspect of life; and the peace and serenity of Eternity.

Against this experiment in transformative living is the life of the normal modern-day individual. If we examine his life, we will see that if he changes but one single fixed habit or one virulent attitude, it is considered a significant achievement. In one sense, it is quite significant. And yet, it still isn't 1/100^th, or even 1/1000^th of what the transformed individual will come to realize in the course of his life. Such are the low expectations we have for people to change.

And yet, on occasion there are individuals who make a significant inner change that far surpass the norm. For example, when we examine the literature and films of the world, we often see how the plot turns at the point where a person overcomes a critical limiting personal quality -- such as a wanting attitude, or a falsely held belief. As a result, life not only changes for the better for that person, but others are deeply affected as well. That transition and change in that individual's life invariably attract instances of sudden good fortune, bringing the story to a happy and satisfying resolution. It is a mini-episode, instance of human progress.

Perhaps one reason such works kindle our interest is that we subconsciously perceive the need to make related changes in our own lives. Unfortunately, we are not prone to take up that challenge, mainly because (1) we are not conscious of our defects, and (2) we are in the habit of enjoying who we are.

In Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice, we see a dramatic exception to this rule in the person of Mr. Darcy. At first arrogant and filled with pride, by the end of the story he overcomes his limitations of character in full. It is an astonishing and rare change for any individual! As a result, life responds with overwhelming good fortune, as he wins over the woman he loves -- Miss Eliza Bennet. We see how life's circumstances dovetail with his efforts. Through a conscious decision to change an egregious part of his nature, he attracts the right circumstances that afford him an opportunity to save Eliza's family from scandal. As a result, he is able to show her his true, noble character, which in the end wins her over, culminating in their happy marriage. Actually, it leads to much more, as their marriage forges a powerful new alliance between the aristocracy and the gentleman-farmer classes of rural England; where earlier they were in an indifferent, if not contentious relationship. In other words, Darcy's inner-psychological adjustment is so substantial that life not only responds and uplifts his own personal fortunes, but also those of the wider society around him.

Darcy's formidable change is a distant echo of the ultimate transformative changes made by those who take to conscious evolution -- i.e. yoga. In one sense, both reverse themselves 180 degrees. The difference is that those who take to personal transformation will attempt to change every part of their nature -- physical, vital, mental, and spiritual, whereas Darcy only seeks to overcome but one or two major character flaws. And yet, what Darcy has achieved is still formidable, especially for one who is essentially a non-seeker.

His overpowering internal change is also something that we can try to emulate in our own lives. If Darcy can make such a great internal adjustment and attract stupendous rewards from life, then we can at least try to overcome one or two limitations in our own character. It is the minimum that life asks of us. Anything less and we could say that we are merely taking up space.

As a result of making that relatively modest effort, life will respond out of all proportion, and we will attract our hearts desire -- whether through the sudden blossoming of our career, or through a kindled romance (as was in the case with Darcy), or through some other area of our life that Nature deems worth uplifting.

The question then is whether we are sincerely interested in such change, and if so, what part of being needs changing. If we take up that effort to change, life will certainly respond. Darcy took to overcoming wanting aspects of his character and attracted the woman of his dreams, and influenced the course of that society's development. The modern, integral yogi seeks to change every part of his nature so he can attain a super-nature -- becoming a harbinger of a new, spirit-oriented way of living. What wanting qualities do we seek to change in ourselves, and what level of effort will we undertake to make that happen?

Sense and Sensibility
--Act of Kindness attract a future husband

Elinor relieves a servant girl of unnecessary work and instantly attracts Edward, the man she would later marry, from out of nowhere.

-- Patience and Silence attracts love of one's life

Elinor is silent, patient, and long suffering in her love of Edward, which eventually and most unexpectedly attracts him to love and marriage.

Women Respond to Strength
Woman respond to strength in a man.

Energy Flow and Love Relationships

 

Positive and Negative Energy and Attraction in Pride and Prejudice
In P&P Wickham's arrival comes in response to Darcy's attraction to Eliza and her antagonistic response to him. She becomes his self-appointed critic. Wickham is attracted to her energy of antagonism to weave his false accusations against Darcy. Elizabeth is energized in opposition (falsely) and Darcy responds and is attracted to her impertinence because he maintains a false self-esteem which is parallel to Wickham's false front of pleasantness. (MSS)

 

 

 

Miscellaneous

 

Unequal Love Relations
Looked at as an exchange designed for mutual and equal benefit, relationships  based on unequal feelings and commitment are a great disappointment to be avoided. But how often and how fairly does life fulfill our expectations and return benefits equal to our labors? Is it reasonable to assume that it will be true in human relationships. 

There is another point of view. It is that relationships like all life experience come to us for a progress as human beings -- to help us grow and become better people, to make us more conscious and raise our consciousness. Every challenge in life offers this opportunity and intimate relations are certainly one of the greatest challenges we face because we come so close to dealing with another human being intensely.

Unqual relation does not necessarily mean failed or even unhappy relationship. Complementarity between the partners can offer deep satisfaction even when they feel very differently about one another. The example of Glencora and Palliser in Anthony Trollope's Palliser series of novels is a striking instance.

But let us suppose that equality of emotional intensity is what people seek and let us also assume that different people are capable of equal intensity -- an assumption that is as questionable as assuming we are all capable of the same physical feats and intellectual achievements -- but assuming it is true, what is the way to achieve it? The answer obviously cannot be by making demands on the other person, because love is not something that cen be demanded. Expectation and desire also does not have that power. There is only one thing that does -- it is to intensely love and give oneself to the other person without any expectation or claim of return for the sheer joy of self-giving in love. That and that alone has the power to awaken love in another person. Anything else is only a bargain among egos. (MSS)

How do you give yourself when the other is not physically present
Self-giving is a psychological act, an act of emotions going out in selfless goodwill for another, an unselfish, unconditional aspiration that the other may be successful, happy, fulfilled in their own lives, the way some mothers feels for the fulfillment of the children. Physical proximity to the person has nothing to do with. Intense genuine emotions can be felt around the world instantaneously, even if the person is not conscious of their source.

Not many can generate such a pure motive toward another, but in the measure one does, it ALWAYS evokes a genuine response from life, especially when you do not expect it. The response often comes from the person the emotion is felt for. If for any reason, that person is unreceptive or unresponsive, it comes from one who is better suited to receive, appreciate and respond accordingly. There are countless instances in literature where a woman directed a selfless emotion of this type toward an undeserving man and found the right person coming to response. Trollope's The Prime Minister depicts one such in the story of Emily, Lopez and Arthur.

Where the emotion felt is selfish and egoistic, still the intensity is communicated but it often evokes an opposite response. In the movie Wicker Park, Alex felt such an intensity toward Mathew who did not know she exists. Her intensity raised a similar intensity in him toward Lisa, a woman whose goodness and purity of emotion was much more similar to his own. (MSS)

Man Seeks Psychological Fulfillment; When Denied He Leaves Instantaneously
It is a truism of the man-woman relationship that the man who seeks psychological fulfillment in the woman must always be rejected in the depths of the woman he is after. The moment she does want him really and expresses it foolishly, he will leave her instantaneously. Butler [in Gone with the Wind] leaves her the moment she wants him -- it is a wanting, not love. (MSS)

 

Tragedy of Soul-Based Love Unfulfilled
In the wider scheme of life, it is possible that someone whose flame arises from such depths [of the Soul] mistakenly bestows it on another who is not of that cast, but is mundane.

Then it becomes a tragedy, but as far as the one in love is concerned, it is alive, though incapable of fulfillment. Dante wrote 'The Divine Comedy' in Italian because he lost Beatrice whom he thus loved. His love might not have been consummated, but 'The Divine Comedy' became immortal literature.

It also happens when the other person is not capable of equally great intensity of aspiration.

Sometimes the tragedy is institutionalised by their marriage - one consumed by the flame of love, the other oblivious of it and lost in the affluence of the household. Whether there is a remedy for such tragedies is a valid question in modern times. Such a remedy can be suggested in a full-length book or a long article that describes its various aspects. (MSS)

The Evolution of a Man's Love for the Woman Based on the Evolution of Women
Modern man, as the masculine principle, is only now surrendering authority to the woman and granting her full freedom. He wants the woman to serve the needs of his ego and has used authority and dependence to enforce it. Now woman is becoming economically and socially free and independent. She is no longer bound by compulsion to a single man. As the creative principle of delight, she loses the restraint and offers delight to the cosmos as a whole, no longer to the individual ego. Man feels the lose of authority, yet he consents. Why? Because he aspires for the love freely given by a fully formed individual like Eliza Bennett [in Pride and Prejudice], not the clinging dependence or subordination of a half formed personality. He can only have that when woman is completely free and developed in her own right. (MSS)

 

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True Love Towards Anyone (Divine Love)
(top)

True Love of Anyone
True love of anyone is selfless giving without any expectation in return. It is beyond any form of human love, including human true love. It is spiritual in nature as it is in essence a movement from soul to (any) soul.

True Love
True love does not ask for anything in return according to Mother. All forms of human love that demand something in return fails to qualify for true love.

Love for Others Gives Happiness
It is not the love that someone feels for you that can make you happy, it is the love you feel for others that makes you happy: for you receive the love that you give from the Divine, who loves eternally and unfailingly. (The Mother)

Divine Love, True Love
Divine Love, true love, finds its delight and its satisfaction in itself; it has no need to be received and appreciated, nor to be shared -- it loves for the sake of loving, as a flower blooms. To feel this love in oneself is to possess an immutable happiness. (The Mother)

Human Love vs. True, Divine Love
Human love is selfish. It can turn into hatred and enmity. We hear occasionally of life long friendship turning sour and bitter. [True, Divine] Love is incapable of becoming anything other than love. It is incorruptible as it is Delight received by the Soul behind the heart. ... People who fall in love used to think that their love is divine love. Divine love is defined as love of the divine. It has nothing to do with the love of one human being for another. (MSS, slightly modified)

Power of Divine Love
Love is infinite and does not exclude any relationship.
A drop of divine love will crush the structures of human consciousness.
It is infinitely weighty; it is infinitely rich in its integral complexity.
It exists not only between the opposite sexes, but everywhere in existence.
Divine Love makes life divine life.
Divine Love permeates existence, not confined to the surface existence.

...

Love is the sensation of the All in the Many.
It excludes no human relationship.
Its ultimate enjoyment is in Matter represented by the human body. (MSS)

Love Only Gives
Love gives. It cannot take. It can only give. (MSS)

On Various Forms of Love
Love is of the Spirit.
Spirit emerging through ananda catching the soul is love,
Spirit-Mind-Vital-body are the grades.
Body seeks relief in physical relationship.
As soon as relief is there, body forgets.
Vital seeks relationship, enjoys relationship, feels expansive
Seeks the fulfillment in physical relationship.
When relief is there, it does not forget, it loves the relationship.
Vital relationship can be given by anyone. It is not particular.
Anyone can replace the beloved. He will be (or she) equally enjoyable.
Mind is idealistic. It idolises the person.
The person is not replaceable. Mental loyalty is not transferable.
It never seeks physical relationship until and unless the vital is assured
formalities and ceremonies are over,
Even then for a Mental idealism physical relationship is not so much
a consummation as a concession to child bearing.
What enjoys is the Mind, what energises is the vital, the physical
proximity is ennobling.
Spirit is still higher. It comes as Love to the Soul via Ananda.
It is a relationship of spiritual purity and thus powerful.
Its mental idealism is almost worship.
Its vital relationship is as intense as physical relationship.
The actual physical relationship is distasteful or even disgusting.
Only when the Spirit is available from both sides it matures.
Even in the Spirit there are grades
At the topmost level should both find themselves, physical relationship is that
of God enjoying Man. (MSS)

Only Psychic/Soul Love Endures
Vital love withers. Mental love is sentimental and grows insipid. Only the love of the psychic [soul] is lasting, intense and grows in richness forever. (MSS)

Higher, Spiritual Love
The literature of the world has portrayed love of the higher vital, not the psychic love. Psychic love moves towards the Divine, not another human being. (MSS)

Human vs. Divine Love
Human love longs for what is not; Divine Love adores what is. (MSS)

Love's Right of Self-Giving
They always speak of the rights of love but love's only right is the right of self-giving. (The Mother)

On Pure Love
Love is pure, and SELFLESS. It never fails. Go in and ask yourself how selfless your love is. If you need your husband's love or child's affection, is it selfless? It is selfish love and will always fail, as it has an axe to grind. Do you love your son for his joy? Are you fulfilled in his happiness? That is a superior love. Such a love knows no failure, as the Origin of Love is absence of failure - Ananda. (MSS)

Love Gives Without Return
Love is self-giving without asking anything in return. (The Mother)

True Love
True love exists where the partner, parent, friend, or other association seeks the fulfillment of the other person's aspiration.  (Paraphrase of MSS)

Love and Truth
-Love will only predominate when Truth emerges over falsehood.
-Love triumphs in an atmosphere of Truth.

Vibration of Love
Those who have had a vibration of love, especially if it had an occasion to surface, will always remember that moment and cherish it. (MSS)

Love's Laws of Change
-The law of love is Man may vary, life may change for better or worse, but LOVE knows only to grow in strength and gain in purity.

-Love has an infinite capacity for change, each a special splendour of LOVE. (MSS)

Grow by Giving
The happiest people have one characteristic in common -- they are continually giving of themselves. While most of us are fully absorbed in our daily concerns and routines -- driven by our own needs, desires, and ambitions -- the happiest of people literally lose themselves in the feelings, thoughts, and aspirations of others. For example, one man noticed that whenever he went shopping, and shifted from his own concerns to those of the person he was with, everything began to flow perfectly thereafter. Likewise, a stingy individual noticed that whenever he loosened up and spent money on others, shortly thereafter good fortune would come his way -- often in the form of inflow of money exactly equal to the amount he had just spent! Action Plan: Try a little experiment. The next time you meet with someone, immediately put yourself in that person's shoes -- concerning yourself only with what is on their mind. Listen carefully to their thoughts and feelings, showing genuine interest. Also, make the effort to control your own opinions. Make the effort to embrace the other person's point of view -- even if differs substantially from your own. You will notice thereafter that the other person has become energized, animated, and involved. You may also notice how unthought of points of view, or fresh perspectives are raised in the conversation. (They may in fact turn out to be more interesting and beneficial to you than anything that might have been on your own mind.) Shifting your focus to the concerns of others has this extraordinary capacity to attract freshness and wonder.

Love is Self-Giving Only
They always speak of the rights of love but love's only right is the right of self-giving. (The Mother)

Source of True, Divine Love
True, Divine Love comes about through continuous opening to an surrender to the Divine. It then wells inside, as do other spiritual powers of oneness, wisdom, delight, power, etc. It also comes simply by moving from selfishness to selflessness and self-givingness, after which is higher aspects of Love descends into the being to further one's own Divine, True Love.

Scope of Self-Giving
Delight of being is the greatest joy one can have in life. The level of one's Delight is enhanced by the quality of our self-giving, which runs in a continuum from self-giving to others, to self-giving to the Divine, and ultimately to self-giving to the Divine in man. Unfortunately, man misses this Delight of self-giving, instead seeking the objects of life he wishes to gain; i.e. self-taking.

On Self-Giving
-Selfishness is universal. It often goes with meanness. We witness Selflessness often in action. It leaves its expansive touch on the onlooker. To be selfless is good, but to practice self-giving is to be SPIRITUAL.

-Self-giving expresses love, receiving it as grace from above.

-One who sees in himself the impulse of Self-giving will do well when his self-giving is directed to the Divine instead of to those around him. (MSS, slight modification)

On Accomplishment through Selflessness and Self-Giving
-The opposite of selfishness is unselfishness or selflessness. Self-giving is of a higher order.

-As a rule, unselfish people will accomplish more than selfish persons. The exception to this rule is a substantial portion. They are those who are unselfish without the capacity to accomplish. Often they end up as dismal failures. It is not because of their unselfishness, but because of their incapacity.

-Parents who raise their children are mostly unselfish. A good many love to practise self-giving to their children. Giving one's all to the OTHER person because he is a Self, is Self-Giving. Such parents will not find their children falling a victim to social evils such as drinks or drugs.

In their minds, the thought of whether their children would take care of them in old age will not arise. Also, they will not financially need such a support. Mental Peace, which is the desideratum of many, will be theirs by virtue of the self-giving.

This is a general rule, not confined to family. Selfishness is capable. It can even raise a nation to great prosperity, but Self-giving will make an individual, family or a nation spiritually rich, economically strong, and socially great. (MSS)

See Additional Thoughts on Selflessness and Self-Givingness

Untitled
Friendship, trust, confidence, good will, goodness, and affection are rare.

Eternal Romance at 4th Stage
I spoke of four levels, two on the surface and two in the depth. They can be called levels 1, 2, 3 and 4 for convenience. Those persons in level 1 are in the surface of the surface mind, those in 2 are in the depth of the surface, those in 3 are in the shallow depth or the surface of the depth and those in 4 are in the depth of the deep-seated Mind.

Eternal Romance resides in the 4th stage. People of that level are very serious, of immense Patience and unshakeable calm. Life never troubles them. No trouble troubles them. Their very calm calms the opposing disturbances. Wherever they are, they make their mark unmistakably. (MSS)

Calling in the Divine Mother to Affect Love-Laden Hearts
The rewards of love are determined by the strength of personality, which dwells outside the four levels [physical, vital, mental, and spiritual.]. We call it the Person and his capacity, Personality. Love rises anywhere but personality completes.

The completion of love by personality depends on the choice one makes in essential aspects. The four levels are levels of formed character that has capacity. It is the person who decides to use the strength of his character in his favour or not. The strength of the person and his values are called Personality or Strength of Personality. Each person is born with a strength, lives it, gathers experience and dies. It is not generally given to Man to increase the strength of his personality.

Personality can grow if it is in touch with the Soul. One who is devoted to Mother can hope to raise the strength of his personality. Suppose a man of strong true love endowed with a personality whose strength is insufficient to consummate it calls Mother into his personality, She raises his personality to the required strength and accomplishes his goal. She acts thus - completing the incomplete - in any walk of life. She, being infinite, will be able to fill up any gap or want in any field. She acts according to the character of our call.

Her atmosphere, the benefit of it, is available to all. The more one knows of Her, the greater is the result. Even if a man knows more of himself, Her effectivity is greater. Called in, She strengthens our otherwise weak personality to the extent of our being able to complete the work on hand. It can have a greater and swifter effect on love-laden hearts, as Love is divine, being the soul-expression of Ananda. Love was given to the world to unite with the Divine. So, love easily unites hearts in love. (MSS)

The Profound Relationship Between Love and Pain
Pain itself is the reverse form of Love. In ordinary words, Life permits Arjuna [in the Gita] to express his intense love for Bhishma [who is on the other side and must be killed for Arjuna's side to prevail] by shooting arrows at him.

What kind of philosophy is it? It is practical philosophy seen in life more than once. When we meet it, we are baffled. As long as we do not understand it, Love comes to us as Pain. The moment right understanding dawns on us, Love comes to us as Love. The pain is in our lack of understanding, called Ignorance. Ignorance is Pain, knowledge is Love. (MSS)

Love and Opening to the Universe [Universal Love]
Love, the truly divine Love, when it is born in the human vessel, opens his entire being down to his physical body to the plane of the universe. So, he is able to receive the vibrations [relating to Lover, such as another's pain] he is open to. (MSS, slightly modified)

Impersonal Affection of Mother to Child that is Personal
A mother's affection for a son or the loyalty of his wife is biological and based on attachment or duty. The affection is pure and serene when it is NOT based on any duty or vital attachment. Is it possible to be affectionate without being attached? We are not attached to the road, but are constantly using it very well. It is impersonal. The impersonal use is functional use. The impersonal too can become PERSONAL, as one who is enamoured of any child. His love of his own child in that fashion is spiritual affection. (MSS)

Also See ( (that Enable Achievement):

Givingness

Goodness

Generosity

Goodwill

Gratitude

 

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Love of the Divine
(top)

 

Human to Divine Love
Human love of partner is the ordinary love we see between two individuals. It is special but fleeting or unfulfilling. True human love of partner (i.e. true romantic love) is a very special form, a rarer form of love for the partner. It is the linking of souls. Few have it because we are satisfied with lesser love. It is marked by romance, i.e. romance of life. True love of anyone is selfless giving without any expectation in return. It is beyond any form of human love, including human true love. It is spiritual in nature as it is in essence a movement from soul to (any) soul. The highest love of all is the love and surrender to the Divine Spirit itself. Self-giving to the Divine opens us up to the infinite potential of life, and ultimate Joy and Delight of being. It is a path that enables a vast leap in our evolutionary possibilities.

Divine Love vs. Love of the Divine
Divine Love is to give selflessly without asking anything in return; a movement from soul to soul. Love of the Divine is to surrender to and be totally self-giving to the Spirit.

Human, Soul-based, and Divine Forms of Love
The psychic love [i.e soul-based --editor] is pure and full of self-giving without egoistic demands, but it is human and can err and suffer. The Divine Love is something much vaster and deeper and full of light and Ananda. (Sri Aurobindo)

Love of the Divine
Love of the Divine is the ultimate form of love as we surrender and are self-giving to the Divine, and Its intent.  We love the Divine in things above all others. We are attached to It above all other things, and wish to do anything for It, to carry out Its intention and will. It consumes our lives, as all other things are secondary. As a result, we gain the universe.

Ultimate Love
To be in love with the Divine and Its Intent is the ultimate Love available to us.

Devotion to the Divine
Bhakti is the Indian term for Spiritual love, i.e. devotion and attachment to the Divine.

Jesus
Jesus brought Love to the world. His love of the Divine translated into his love for all individuals on earth.

Jesus' Love
Jesus brought a new level of Love that was not there in the world. He had ascended to Divine Love and then turned around and expressed in the field of life. It had never been done quite this way before. Then religion moved in and created a moralizing institution that lost touch with the source love the avatar brought to the world at that time.

Surrender, Devotion to the Divine
Love, devotion to Krishna avatar, the personification of the Divine on earth, through one's Soul is the ultimate spiritual achievement as expressed in the Gita.

On the Nature of the Psychic Being (i.e. the personal evolving soul)
If you are in contact with your psychic being [your personal evolving soul], you begin to feel, to have a kind of perception of what divine Love can be. (The Mother)

The Way of Devotion
The heart expands its human emotion, sublimates it into divine emotion with a view to achieving unity with the Soul of All-souls. This path is known as devotion [bhaktimarga]. In its crown it is seen as swoon. The emotions of the heart have the power to pervade the entire body with their amrita and send the devotee into an oblivious self-forgetfulness in the Touch of the Divine [Laya].

Such a union has the power to neutralise poison administered to the follower [devotee], as it did in the case of Mira. Andal, who sang her devotion in the poems of Pasuram, was in love with Krishna [incarnated symbol of the Divine]. To her, Krishna was a living being. The gopis of Brindavan enjoyed that nectar of devotion. Radha was its peak and symbol. Radha was Devotion. Her life was Devotion, her existence too was such. (MSS, somewhat modified)

Divine Love that Can Spread Impersonally & Personally
Men who are ardently in love are pleased to tell themselves that their love is divine. Sri Aurobindo says divine love is the love for the Divine, not directed to a human being. Of course, one's love springing from the depths of the divinity in him can be directed to the divine in the other. In that case, it becomes an impersonal love, as our respect for law.

An impersonal love, exalted though it is, can acquire a personal definition and survive between two persons. Should it be there, it makes heaven on earth. It is theoretically possible and its earthly possibility is endorsed by the heights of yogic intensity. (MSS)

 

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The Divine's Own Love
(top)

 

The Divine's Love
The Divine's love is an eternal truth. (The Mother)

Divine's Expression of Love
The Divine Spirit expresses in life as Peace, Power, Knowledge, beauty, Delight, and Love.

Love that is at the Heart of Creation
Love is not a mere sentiment, an emotion, but the ultimate truth at the heart of creation. That truth is that the seer and the scenery, the observer and the observed, the knower and the known, the lover and the beloved are the same consciousness collapsing upon itself and experiencing itself as the observer and the object of perception. (Paraphrase of Deepak Chopra)
 

Also See Thoughts on Spiritual Surrender

 

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Romance of Life (i.e. Life of Adventure)
(top)

 

Romance of Life/Life of Adventure
-Romance is the sensation of adventure in an ever-fresh atmosphere.
-The seeking is the adventure. Attaining is the fulfillment.
-To seek an emotional adventure of the highest type for the love of danger and the possibilities of destruction -- of the body or the ego or status -- is romance.
-Romance emerges to give life to death and dead habits.  (MSS)

Adventure that Uncovers a Mystery
Sri Aurobindo says that man loves a mystery, so the idea of an adventure of discovery that reveals something hidden, secret, unknown is quite appealing.

Life of Adventure and Life Response
-The overwhelming majority of the time life is routine -- i.e. what we do and what comes to us is what is expected. Other times, life suddenly descends on us and offers up the unexpected, -- often taking the form of sudden good fortune. The latter tends to occur in response to our efforts to meet life's challenges, or by taking life by the horns and living it to the full.

-When we live a life of adventure, life tends attract the positive. When we break out of old habits, when we embrace to the new, we release powerful energies, and as a result, life tends to respond positively from all quarters.  When a man journeyed to San Diego to meet with a client, it was the furthest he had journeyed south in over 30 years. For him, it was a great adventure to a foreign place in which he was required to solve the problems of others. As a result, powerful energies were released, which returned to him in spades in the form of an exciting new computer, and the realization of a dream vacation. Even when the computer died along the way, he saw it as a continuation of a natural and organic adventure that was in the process of unfolding.

The more we brave to go beyond the ordinary and routine; the more we embrace the possibilities that life presents us; the more we aspire for the heights -- the more energy we release that tends to attract very positive results fortune from our surroundings.

Life lived in its fullest is then the seeking and experiencing of Adventure. Through that dynamic, we not only attract the miraculous, but as a result are energized and delighted to no end.  It is through such Adventures in Living that we experience not only the thrill of the journey, but the ecstatic fulfillment and enjoyment of the reward! 

 

The Life of Spiritual Adventure that Attracts
The overwhelming majority of the time life is routine -- i.e. what we do and what comes to us is what is expected. Other times, life suddenly descends on us and offers up the unexpected, -- often taking the form of sudden good fortune. The latter tends to occur in response to our efforts to meet life's challenges, or by taking life by the horns and living it to the full.  Here is a recent real life case in point:

One man I know of had not left California for 30 years -- save for two relatively short driving vacation trips across the western United States. For this individual then, the state of California had essentially become his entire nation!

One day recently, he was asked to fly down to San Diego in the southern part of the state near the Mexican border to perform some work for a client there. In the three previous decades, he had never once ventured further south -- in California, or anywhere else -- than the Los Angeles area.  He was therefore both excited about the trip, and concerned about his ability to navigate this new area.

When he arrived from San Diego on a flight from San Francisco, he discovered a very pleasing landscape, including a beautiful, warm coastline, soaring mountains, and a growing downtown skyline. Though he struggled at first to get his bearings, he was in the end able to navigate the freeway system and make his way to the client, who had their offices in a spectacular valley town north of the city. In the next several days, our friend successfully completed his work, while still having time to explore the coastal region and its sun-splashed beauty. After three days, he returned to his residence in the San Francisco area, with both new insight and an abundance of new energy.

Shortly after he arrived back at his home base, something peculiar happened -- his computer began to die.  After very four very productive years of use, the computer suddenly and most unexpectedly ceased functioning. Since his entire business - ne, his whole life - was contained on the machine, he was shocked by this sudden turn of events. He felt overwhelmed by the fact that without a computer, he was not only out of touch with the world, but all of the documents and programs he needed to get through the day were no longer available. Add the fact that this individual's profession was in the computer/software field, and that a major vacation to Hawaii loomed on the horizon -- his first travels outside of the United States in 33 years (!) -- you could imagine why he suddenly felt the weight of the world on his shoulders!

And yet despite this impossible, pressure-filled situation, our friend was able to conjure up the right attitude. Specifically, he viewed the turn of events as part of one great adventure that begun when he first embarked on his trip to San Diego, and was now continuing through these latest difficult unfoldings. He sensed that there was a purpose in what was occurring: that life was somehow trying to push things forward, and that he was willing to be a full participant in this latest adventure. It was with that attitude that he tackled the current problem of the expiring computer. 

In the next several days, he did everything he could to get the machine up and running. However, for each step forward, he seemed to go two steps back. For example, he bought a new large external monitor because the built in one on his laptop had failed, only to discover that it distorted the screen, making all the web sites he created over the last decade unrecognizable. Because his old computer had so many connections with other add-on devices, and had so many wires running in and out of it, that when he changed one part, other parts would begin to fail. When the situation became intolerable, and his very lifestyle and businesses came into jeopardy, our friend perceived that a new approach was in order: that he go out and purchase a new machine.

That morning he arrived at the electronics mega store to purchase the computer. There he saw one that he liked, and a moment later a young man came up to help him. Our friend noticed that the salesperson had a soft and quiet nature. He then proceeded to tell the salesperson which machine he was interested, after which the clerk walked over to the giant metal cage to see if the item was in stock. Our friend, now desperate for any good news after days of incessant trouble, took the only course of action he knew: he opened himself up to the spiritual Force, and with great intensity offered the entire situation to the Higher Power.

After a considerable delay, the salesperson finally returned from his search. But would he have the computer that our friend wanted? It turns out that the salesperson was indeed holding a computer, but it was not the one our friend wanted. Instead, the salesperson found a different one that contained a microprocessor that was nearly double the speed of other one -- and at a lower price! At that moment, our friend knew that the Higher Power had surely worked on his behalf.  Thereafter, he felt grateful to the spirit that helped bring about this stunning turn of events.

When our friend arrived back at the office, he unpacked the machine and turned it on. He was instantly dazzled at how beautiful the screen image looked; how quickly the software loaded; and how many astonishing new features were already built in. He was particularly amazed that he could easily connect to the Internet through a wireless connection. One after another, he discovered new features that he was certain would make his life easier. As each new feature revealed itself, he felt as if he were on a magic carpet ride -- taken on a journey that transcended his experiences using his old, outdated machine.

Dazzled by these stare of the art features, not  only did he truly recognize how utterly out of date his old computer was, but now he saw that its death knell was actually a blessing in disguise; one that ushered in the wondrous new computer before him. He perceived that the failure of his old computer was no failure at all, but an opening to vast possibilities that arrived in the form of the new machine!

In addition to the computer episode, something else occurred after he returned from the 'distant lands' of San Diego. He now perceived that he could take his long desired trip to Hawaii. Before going to San Diego, he was not sure. Now, however, after the trip, and particularly after he saw that he had a new machine that was reliable, he was sure. In fact, his trip to Maui -- his first trip out of the US in three decades -- was an equally great adventure, bringing as astounding array of additional life response experiences too innumerable to describe here!

When we live a life of adventure, life tends attract the positive. When we break out of old habits, when we embrace to the new, we release powerful energies, and as a result, life tends to respond positively from all quarters.  When our friend journeyed to San Diego to meet with a client, it was the furthest he had journeyed south in over 30 years. For him, it was a great adventure to a foreign place in which he was required to solve the problems of others. As a result, powerful energies were released, which returned to him in spades in the form of an exciting new computer, and the realization of a dream vacation. Even when the computer died along the way, he saw it as a continuation of a natural and organic adventure that was in the process of unfolding.

The more we brave to go beyond the ordinary and routine; the more we embrace the possibilities that life presents us; the more we aspire for the heights -- the more energy we release that tends to attract very positive results fortune from our surroundings.

Life lived in its fullest is then the seeking and experiencing of Adventure. Through that dynamic, we not only attract the miraculous, but as a result are energized and delighted to no end.  It is through such Adventures in Living that we experience not only the thrill of the journey, but the ecstatic fulfillment and enjoyment of the reward!

 

Adventures in Conscious Living

-When we live a life of adventure, when we break out of old habits, when we embrace the new, we release powerful energies, and life tends to respond positively.

-The more we brave to go beyond the ordinary and routine; the more we embrace the possibilities that life presents us; the more we aspire for the heights -- the more energy we release that tends to attract very positive results fortune from our surroundings.

-Life lived in its fullest is then the seeking and experiencing of Adventure. Through that dynamic, we not only attract the miraculous, but are energized and delighted to no end.

-It is through such Adventures in Living that we experience not only the thrill of the journey, but the ecstatic fulfillment and enjoyment of the reward.

-To go against the falsehood that lies in the family, to stand aloof from the falsehood inherent in society, and to overcome the falsehood that is surely there in ourselves, is the adventure of the seeking of Truth, i.e. of Spirit in life.

-Seek out adventure and challenges in life instead of security and safety. Be worthy of the nobility of your soul. An adventurous spirit aligns you with Mother's majestic movements.

-To seek out the wonders of the Within instead of the Ego is the great Inner Adventure.

-To open at every moment to the Force instead of living the ordinary existence is to seek the Mother's, the Supramental Adventure.

-To try to apply every principle of life to every condition and field of existence is to take to the great Mental Adventure of Integral Discovery.

-To relate everything that is occurring in a fresh way, instead of being overwhelmed by the dullness of the physical that wants to repeat is the great Spontaneous Adventure.

-To see each new person that comes in a fresh new way, and to honor them in your interaction is to engage in the Adventure of Relationships.

-To see each detail of your life in its own context, rather in terms of what has come before is to experience the Adventure of the Infinitesimal.

-To see the utility of and embrace each new thing that comes, and see it in context of the whole is the Brahmic Adventure that perceives and embraces the All.

-To see your whole life as a growing out of the old nature into a new one is the Adventure of Growth in Consciousness.

-To accept the truths of others beyond one’s own understanding is to take the Mental Adventure towards the Integral Truth of Things.

-To see each problem as an opportunity is to partake in the Adventure of the fresh and new, rather than be downcast and give up.

-To listen to others instead of thinking and speaking is to open to the Adventure of New Truths and Possibilities.

-To see each day as unique, with infinite possibilities, with so many ways to grow and learn and succeed is to live the Practical Adventure of Daily Existence.

-To see how you can change the world from within is the Life Response Adventure.

-To take the journey within into the Psychic Being is to experience fresh new adventure of oneness with others and life, to feel divine love and delight; to experience constant, spontaneous inner Guidance.

-To aspire for a divine life to appear on earth; for the integral Truth to take hold and reign in the world is to engage in an Adventure of Spiritual Aspiration.

-To see the truth of the principles you know in the smallest detail of life is to engage in the Adventure of the Micro.

-To see where your life is going, its deepest purpose, the arc of improvements, and the way forward is to engage in the Adventure of One’s Macro Existence.

-To see that your psychic being is engaged in an adventure greater than yourself, and sense precisely what that is the Psychic Adventure.

-To make the effort to shed our Ignorance for the Integral Knowledge of anything is the Truth Adventure.

-To move from sense mind to rational mind and beyond to spiritual mind of silence, intuition, and supramental perception is the great Understanding Adventure of what is truly occurring in life.

-To perceive the movements of society and to partake in it to elevate it is to engage in the Adventure of Social Consciousness and Development.

-To bring out the Infinite in every finite moment is to live the Adventure of Ultimate Possibilities.

-To cross over the chasm that divides us and make the connection with others is the Adventure of Love.

-To engage in all of these is to engage in the ultimate Adventure of Infinite Delight.

 

MSS Articles on Romance:

Romance is the Eternal Emerging in the Ephemeral

Also See Thoughts on Romance as True Love

 

---

Friendship
(top)

On Friendship
Friendship does not permit calculations, mercenary conditions, profit or loss. Friendship is friendship. It knows no other consideration. (MSS)

Friendship as Value
Friendship is a human value.

Rarity of Friendship
Mother says human love is full of selfishness. Friendship, trust, confidence, good will, goodness, and affection are rare. (MSS)

RE: Friendship in The Lord of the Rings
The value of friendship is seen in many places; as in the relationship between Merry and Pippin, and Frodo and Sam, and between Aragorn and Legolas.

Friendship in Pride and Prejudice
Re: Charlotte and Eliza in Pride and Prejudice: Charlotte's close friendship with Eliza was socially elevating and pleasing to her. (MSS)

Re: Friendship in Jane Austin's Emma
I related very much to the idea that close friendship could blossom into love and marriage. It seems rare and precious. Perhaps, as this episode indicates, it requires a real change for one or both parties. Then it can move to the next level.

Spirit Giving Man the Sweetness of Friendship
RE: the true value of Friendship. Spirit can always give a man that sweetness. Psychic [connection with the True Self, Soul within] imparts that felicity that is spiritual without fail. (MSS, slightly modified)

Endurance of Friendship in Spirit-based Life
Normal Life: Love, romance, friendship, loyalty are ephemeral. Spirit-based Life (Mother's Path): They are the only lasting values of life. (MSS, modified)

Return of Long Forgotten Friend
A long forgotten friend calling now is the will of subtle memory of the surfacing subliminal. (MSS)

The Secret of Friendship in Panchatantra
The second tantra begins with a story Chitragreeva- the pigeon and Hiranyak- the mouse. The intelligent mouse helps Chitragreeva in releasing himself along with the other pigeons from the net of a fowler. This section sheds light on the importance of friendship.

Variety of Friendship in Divine Relationships
People seek the company of people who are similar to themselves. This is the normal human tendency. But this has no counterpart in divine relationships. The spirit's quest is for the infinite variety of manifestation, not the sameness, for contact with other aspects of itself, not that which reaffirms what it is.  Real relationship thrives on difference and the contact of difference with difference and enjoyment of the variation. Marriage, for example, presents a continuous clash of difference. (MSS)

Consecration & Help from Friends
As a result of constant remembrance and consecration [to the Spiritual Force], Friends, relatives, contacts constantly offer concrete help. (MSS, modified)

Untitled
Selfishness upgrades from vital selfishness to mental selfishness. It means those who approve of your idea are your friends. (MSS)

Unfaithfulness of Friends
A common opinions that is right by mistake and wrong by assumption. Friends will be faithful. (MSS)
 

Life Long Friendship Turning Sour and Bitter
Human love is selfish. It can turn into hatred and enmity. We hear occasionally of life long friendship turning sour and bitter. (MSS)

 

TO BE CATEGORIZED

 

Love, Romance

On the Future of Love Relationships

"Economic security and finding the right man to take care of her and the children she wants to have is a big worry for women. Therefore they take an active initiative to capture the attention of a worthwhile man whom will give them that security and maintenance for the children to be born. A woman is socially unwilling to wait for a man to come to her and take her into matrimony. She must hurry up the process in all possible ways and make-up and beautification is a key part of the process."

We see the reversing of this tendency in the modern age, particularly in the West and now dawning in the East where woman work in the office and command big salaries, causing both sexes to begin to change their relationship habits; occasionally even ignoring one another as one is too caught up with meaningful work.

Which sex leads in the mating ritual in the future may become less relevant, as women rise in work and develop their own prosperity. It may even revert to the method of the birds and wild animals, with men hunting females. More likely the whole matter will gradually dissipate, as people will increasingly find Truer Love in the mate through more equitable and harmonious means.

The exceptional may even transcend such relationships for something Higher; i.e. the True Self in themselves, and therefore higher forms of friendship will take the place of love relationships. Love will spread out from one's self to all others one is in contact with.

--

We should also note as Karmayogi has suggested that marriage itself is a mere social institution, without having any fundamental Truth basis. Thus, we are free to have any types of relationships we please; and that freedom will increasingly express itself in the course of human evolution. In fact, Karmayogi has said that America is doing everything to destroy marriage, while in India there is a certain need to reinforce the family for greater security and richness. Different societies are at different points in their development, requiring different forms of progress.

 

On the Conditions of Love Life has Presented Us

Life, including invitations to Love, has come to us with specific conditions that are best for our own growth. When we perceive what life is suggesting, we see that it is a mirror of our inner condition that is ready to grow further through the (love) conditions that have been set before us. Do we want to repeat the same mistakes, and embrace a foolish love? Do we want to take to love at a higher form? To perceive the subtle signs that life is presenting us demonstrates a higher consciousness on our part. To then act in the right way, will elevate our lives toward greater success, and in the case of love, toward deep and abiding, shared happiness and bliss.

 

Romance, Scale of-

Ascending the Scale of Romance in Marriage and Non-Marriage Relations

[The issue at hand is whether we should break out of our boring marriage and experience the variety of life through other relationships.]

Freshness in marriage or outside marriage can be created by moving the relationship to a higher level. Though variety of experience through others is a valid approach, ultimately the potential to realize what we are looking for is always in front of us. In RomanceEternal.org, we are asked to move up the scale of Romance. If the relationship is physical, make it more emotional. If it is emotional, make it more psychological. And so on to mental and spiritual. We can look at where we are now, and try to move the relationship to a higher level. If it cannot be done through sincere inner and outer effort with our current partner, then we can move on and find it with another.

Here is a little reminder of the Levels of Romance we can move up amongst.

Meanwhile we can practice non-reaction, non-complaining, non-selfishness, deep respect for the other person, sincerity in our feelings, taking the other's point of view, etc., which will create the vibration for life to respond. That alone can move us and our partner up the scale of Romance. This is true in marriage or non-marriage relations.

Therefore, if we truly want to break out of the rut of monotony and experience the variety of life, let us explore higher levels of romantic relationship that will increasingly bring about the merger of Soul with Soul.

 

Earlier

Creating a Sustaining, Ever-deepening Romantic Relationship

To have continuous, ever-growing romance with a love partner, constant self-givingness and non-taking are in order. Doing so will not only strengthen and lengthen the relationship, but life will respond in various ways, often unexpected; often outside the relationship. E.g., one man stopped complaining to his spouse, and she suddenly found a financial solution to a situation that hounded her for years.

Thus, converting conflict and contradictions between the parties into harmony though non-ego, by shedding negative attitudes, and practicing self-givingness is essential for creating a sustaining and ever-deepening relationship

Inversely, if one has not yet established a romantic relationship, though one aspires for one in general or one can see the possibility of a specific partner, then turning an attitude positive, or accepting the given conditions can attract a new romance from out of nowhere. E.g., one bitter older man reversed himself and became self-giving to a young man in need of legal help, which attracted a wonderful woman for the elder individual when they left the court.  (2009-2011 Q1)

 

Learning from Our Romantic Relationships

The varying romantic or related relationships we have in life, e.g. some where they care for us and some where they don't, are opportunities for personal growth. They are just what we need at that time and place. We just have to look into them and discover the secret that is trying to reveal itself.

For many years from ages 15-19 I dated a girl I loved, but who didn't quite return the affection at my level. Through her ambiguous rejections, I came to value my own self and interests more. I was forced inside to discover my deeper self, making good use of a "bad" situation.

Sometimes when we discover the inner lever in such circumstance, we can even attract that someone who cares for us less than we do them. In Pride and Prejudice, Darcy did just that thing subconsciously when he changed his nature, and won Eliza. (2009-2011 Q1)

 

Romantic Relationships and Personal Growth

The widest scope for personal progress in life occurs through our romantic relationships. Conflicts and contradictions there afford us the opportunity to overcome limitations within, and thereby grow. Such progress also occurs through the positive side of these relationships. (2009-2011 Q1)

 

Marriage has Greatest Scope for Personal Growth

Marriage and related deep relationships offers the greatest scope for personal growth, as things invariably move into contradictions between the parties, which each side can grow out of by overcoming their corresponding limitations of attitude, consciousness, and capacity. Then we see that the apparent contradiction was really a complementarity when viewed from a higher perspective. (2009-2011 Q1)

 

Scope for Progress Between Couples

Relationship between spouse has the greatest scope for progress, as their contradictions have come together to work out the real secret of their relationship -- complementarity. They have secretly been joined together by Nature to grow out of their limited natures. (2009-2011 Q1)

 

Intensity of Contradiction

The more intense the contradiction between parties, the greater the potential for progress. In Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice, we see this clearly in the conflict between Darcy and Eliza that is overcome ending in deep love. One is also tempted to say that hate has the greatest scope for love.  (2009-2011 Q1)

 

Spouse as Honored Guest

Treat your spouse as kindly as you would an honored guest. This will insure greater harmony and closer bonds in future. Good fortune for you both will likely follow. (2009-2011 Q1)

 

Spiritual Perspective of Freedom in Romantic Relationships

The spiritual perspective of relationships is to allow for maximum freedom and space for the partner. It is a powerful concept and ideal, difficult to realize, but well within our grasp. (2009-2011 Q1)

 

Romance

Heart that Loves

Heart that loves, loves forever. (MSS)

 

On Courtship

Courtship opens the personality. (MSS)

 

On Not Loving a Girl's Family

A man who loves a girl and abhors her family does not know her whole family is in her and he is going to live with it in future. (MSS)

 

Discovery in Romance

Romance is to discover the eternal moment in another individual, so that the delight of existence can be felt ever-present and growing. (RomanceEternal.org)

 

What Self-givingness in Love Relationships Brings

We don't know what true love is; particularly in its upper ranges; especially in the form of Self-Givingness. We are more interested in receiving love than giving it. We don't see the benefit of the latter, which invariably brings soul-to-soul connection, deep delight, and inner fulfillment. If we focus on giving to the beloved instead than taking, then we can have all of these sublime results and more!