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Complaining

Knowledge Base

by Roy Posner and MSS

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Complaining
Complaining is to express a frustrated emotion about outer conditions that one does not find acceptable.

Complaining
Complaining indicates a lack of power over the outer situation.

Complaining and Divided Consciousness
Complaining is divided consciousness.

Complain
Complain is eloquent eagerness to be expressive to hide his uneasy inner awareness about the outer awkwardness. (MSS)

Limits of Complaining
Complaining without power exacerbates that which is complained about.

Karmayogi On Complaining

-Complaining is wrong. To voice a complaint is not permissible. A thought of complaint is impermissible. A heart that complains gives up claims of rich fullness.

-Manliness begins when complaining is given up. Spiritually conscious joy receives its energy when the energy in complaining is directed to the emotional appreciation of the labouring spirit to emerge from behind the vital plane.

-Complaint is subconscious awareness of one's own defect.

-If pain is unreal, complaint that enables pain to linger is only a mechanism of the vital to sustain the negative intensity of suffering.

-If the first response is complaint and the second is correction, men stop with the first.

-An awakened soul replaces complaint by appreciation.

-The weak are enlivened by prodding complaints; the strong are motivated by praise. One who needs neither is a soul awake.

-If only man turns his look to what he has so far received from the Mother, there cannot be even a drop of complaint in life.

-In a positive atmosphere, a complaint turns into an opportunity. 

Complaining and Withdrawing Complaint
At each point, we complain about the deficiency of another, we exacerbate it. Withdrawing complaint, eliminates it, as life responds in the positive.

Non-complaining
Non-complaining is the status of non-initiating. It reflects Being, the Witness Consciousness that silently observes, or even ignores.

 

The Power of Non-Complaining
From the spiritual position, non-complaining overcomes that which we would ordinarily complain about. I.e. life responds and overcomes our intention when we stop complaining.

 

The Very Messy Work Area
Normally, when one spouse wants another to change a particular behavior, it comes in the form of a complaint. The trouble with that approach is that though there may a short-term positive result (and even that is doubtful), longer term, the desired effect is unlikely to come about. In fact, the situation is likely to worsen.

And so today with this in my mind, I decided not to complain about my partner's' very messy workspace that had been like that for nearly a week. Instead, I decided to simply ignore the situation. Later in the day, however, I was startled to discover that my friend completely cleaned up the mess, without a word from my lips. She then confided in me that she did so because she was tired of looking at it. Or to put it another way, when I stopped caring about the situation, she started to. It was another powerful little reminder of the life response power of non-complaining and self-restraint.

 

Life Response Power of Non-Complaining with Partner
About three months ago, I learned that my partner had been paying exorbitantly high interest rates on her bank credit cards and suggested that she contact the banks to negotiate lower rates. Unfortunately, she never took up my advice; in part, because she is not the type who would take such aggressive actions. This was not the only problems she had working with her credit cards. The bigger problem was that as a result of her lack of organization, she has had no obvious way to know when the cards were due, and followed a haphazard approach to paying the bills. Not unexpectedly, the card and other financial companies were always calling at the worst time, and sending notices by mail, which in turn raised her interest rates.

Several months ago, I asked IRES how to deal with my partner's lack of personal organization. In particular, I wondered what I could do that would encourage her to improve housekeeping-including things strewn about and paperwork clutter that prevents her from paying her accounts in a regular and timely manner. I decided to follow some of IRES's strategies for improving harmony, including not complaining, not trying to change my partner, not bullying and not reacting. I felt my initial efforts went well, with a few small setbacks along the way.

Without any further prodding on my part, last week, my partner suddenly decided to call one of the banks. Later she told me that she had worked out an agreement where she would make one, single payment against all her cards to this bank and they would then process the amounts to the individual cards for her. This single payment approach was the perfect solutions for her, who for years had problems paying her cards and meeting other large financial obligations on time! Afterwards I realized that my decision to stop complaining and trying to change her had prompted her to do something I had been unsuccessfully urging her to do for months.

Above Complaining
Above complaining, one sees how the negative serves the positive.

Complaining, Grumbling, Whining in Pride and Prejudice

-Kitty when she can’t go to Brighton

-Mrs. Bennet to Mr. Bennet when he is not accommodating to her interests

 

 

To Be Categorized

 

Blaming

Example of Power of Not Blaming Others and Instead Taking Responsibility

Yesterday we had invited our friends, an American couple, who were leaving this country. My husband had to go with a friend to view a car and so I was left out with cleaning the house and cooking all alone. But the sincere apologies from my husband left me cool. It was 5'o clock and only then I started cooking, the guests too arrived. I was not satisfied with the cooking. But as usual I prayed to Mother, "please rectify all the defects, the half cooked peas in the pulav, the burnt smell in the kulfi ice cream."

When the dinner was over the guests were praising the food, and I told them, "sorry I should have cooked more dishes, but I didn't plan earlier and so I was late." Usually I would have blamed each; everyone from my husband to the cooker. But my change of not blaming anyone, but accepting and then confessing the mistake made the dinner tasty and the guests happy.

One more life response was my son -- who was suffering from food poison for the past two days and was not at all eating -- started eating from last night. The inner change within me to please the guests got a good life response. Surely the inner moves the outer. (Durga Karthik)

 

On Withholding Blame of Others

-When life bears down on us and exerts pressures, we can respond positively or negatively. Those who take responsibility rather than blame others, grow as individuals, and set the stage for positive response from life. On the other hand, those who blame others tend to suffer further negative consequences.

-Complaining about others, life is a false, anti-spiritual movement of powerlessness, wanting vital urge, and a limited, exclusive view of the truth of the matter.

-The more you complain, the more the object of your complaint (e.g. spouse, workmate, or boss) will disappoint.

-At each point you are ready to blame others, hold your tongue. Better still, take responsibility.

-One can remove complaint on a scale from banning blame on the outside, to eliminating blame in one's feelings; to overcoming it even as a mental thought. They are progressive forms of non-reaction.

-It is best for a manager never to blame an employee, but instead to get at the root cause of problem, and from that knowledge make the necessary change for improvement. (Having the attitude of learning from mistakes is a great one that we can all foster in our lives.)

-He who sees the speck in another's eye should remove the log inside his own is a well known spiritual insight. In other words, don't complain about, criticize others. Instead be humble and focus on changing your own wanting nature in that context. As a result, life will cooperate from all quarters, and you will grow as a person.

-Often when you complain about others, there is a corresponding negative quality inside yourself. E.g. if I am intolerant of my friend's lack of organization, it shows the limits of my nerves that cause me to be bothered by it. Therefore, it is an opportunity to investigate why I have this limited, intolerant nature. Making that effort will enable me to grow while evoking powerful positive response.

-Our own grievances towards others, our complaining about them is a sure sign of our own deficiencies.

-See problematic circumstances as a response to oneself and not lay blame.

-The ego despises failure and feels abused. It seeks to compensate by blaming others for its failure. Watch for and overcome that tendency.

-Ego is at the root of blame and not taking responsibility. Therefore, develop a more harmonic consciousness within, and you will be far less likely to blame, seeing instead the wider truth in things, including one's own responsibility in the matter.

-In Pride and Prejudice Darcy does not blame Wickham for the elopement, but instead takes responsibility and goes ahead and apprehends him, which has the life response effect of winning Eliza's love, providing the greatest happiness of his life.

-Every time you blame someone in your mind or actually, offer it to the Mother, so that tendency can cease forever.

 

Complaining

Complaining to Appreciating

Change from Complaining to Appreciating. Life will then become your friend.

 

Earlier

Grievances, Complaining is Sign of Our Own Limitations
Our own grievances towards others, our complaining about them is a sure sign of our own deficiencies. And yet ironically, grievances and complaints is a first sign of awakening to our own limited nature.  (2009-2011 Q1)

 

Complaining

Complaining reinforces the object of complaint. (2009-2011 Q1)

 

Don’t Blame, Criticize Others; Change Yourself Instead

He who sees the speck in another's eye should remove the log inside his own is a well known spiritual insight. In other words, don't complain about, criticize others. Instead be humble and focus on changing your own wanting nature. As a result, you will grow as a person, and life will cooperate from all quarters, becoming your friend forever.

Further Comment: Often when you complain about others, there is a corresponding negative quality in yourself. E.g. if I am intolerant of my friend's lack of organization, which she has a weakness in, it shows the limits of my nerves that causing me to be bothered by it. Therefore, it is an opportunity to investigate why I have this limited, intolerant nature. I can now act more consciously in the future. In addition, the spiritual position should be in such situations one of Non-Reaction (and therefore no complaining here), and instead, inwardly aspire for the change in the other person, or even forget about the matter. Taking this tact causes sudden good fortune to descend on both parties. I have absolutely seen the truth in that outcome as a result of taking this approach in this sort of situation.

 

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